How to know whats really on my husbands mind?

Question

More than anything I want another baby. A few months ago my husband said he wouldnt mind having another one (on his own, I didnt ask him) now 3 months later he doesnt want a baby. I dont know what made him change his mind, does he really want one and there is something standing in the way that he just wont share or what?! whats with the sudden change? Is there anything I can do to help convince him that he wants another one?
Thanks for any input~

luisamapacha: gee thanks. if that wasnt the STUPIDEST answer.. you dont think Ive asked?! You cant actually get a straight answer from him..

Answer 1

Ask him why he doesn't want another one. (Duh.)

Don't try to convince him of having another one. He'll only resent you and the baby for it.

Answer 2

Hi! Sometimes when we think about what we will need to go through having babies and actually realize it happening , it can frighten as a little bit. Maybe he remembered how hard it is to look after a baby or did not get much time to spend with you. all those sleepless nights etc, cos it is a little bit hard (for women more than men obviously). Ask him whether he is happy about his current life with you and if there is anything he would like to change. Tell him that marriage is about compramising and making decisions together and you need to know what he thinks about having more kids and be honest. But I suggest that if you want a child more than him , then it will be a hrd work for you , cos men tend to do it - you wanted it , now you deal with it. Make sure you get much support from him. Tell him about all the advantages having more kids - they will be able to play together, support each other etc.

Answer 3

Humm... maybe he has a lot on his mind... maybe he's thinking how hard it is to have another child.. its not cheap to raise a baby. To be 100% honest w you me and my fiance are trying and at times i get scred and want to back out cause i think of the cost child care pampers formula etc... and it scares me and another fact being that its extremely hard to raise a child. Another thing you should think are there personal probems that might be going on in your relationship that is making him rethink also he just could be under alot of stress there can be many things hun :) But the best way to find out is talk over w him let him know that you love him and adore him so much that you want to share a child together w him and its just a beautiful process. But just talk it over w him sweetie & im sure youll get your answer :):) good luck

Answer 4

My husband and I have been married for 30 years. It is a challenge and very hard work to keep a marriage working well with open communication. The best way I know to find out what is on your husband's mind is to ask him. He may not know for sure what he is thinking unless the 2 of you have a conversation about the subject. Make sure the atmosphere is right so have a "date night" or send your children to grandma's for the night. Make a pact to discuss the subject rationally and if the conversation starts going badly, agree to stop, enjoy each other's company and re-visit the subject another time. I know exactly how it is to want another baby so badly and to be disappointed that your husband doesn't want anymore. I always wanted 4 kids (well, that was my adult wish, I used to want 12 in middle school and by high school was set on 6), my husband thought 2 was just right. We did compromise on 3 although my husband wasn't near as enthused as I was about 3 kids. From the time our youngest was 3 until she was about 8, I asked my husband pretty regularly if we could have just one more baby. He was adamant against it. I gave up asking and settled in enjoying the kids I had, getting ready for them to eventually grow up, move forward with their lives, and leave home. I misted everytime I thought about my "empty nest", not looking foward to it one bit. I had plenty of time to think about my motivation for wanting another child and realized that my unhappiness with thinking about the day they'd all be gone made me want to have more kids. However, as they grew older, I did begin to look forward to the day when my husband and I would be a couple again. When the kids were 18, 15, and 12 and I had been on the Pill for 11 years, I started having some weird stomach pains whenever I ate. Turned out, despite taking the Pill faithfully like clockwork, I had conceived! An unexplainable event since I had not missed any pills for years, wasn't taking antibiotics or any other medication that interferred with the Pill nor had I been sick with vomitting or diarrhea. I just happened to be one of those minute few that made the Pill not 100% effective even with proper usage. It seemingly was the answer to my wish of 4 kids, but I was 38, our other kids were well on their way to adult hood and I really really enjoyed sleeping through the night!! My kids are now 28, 25, 22, and 10. Our oldest is married so we have a son-in-law plus they blessed us with a grandson 4 months ago. I have learned a lot over my 48 years and will hopefully learn a lot more. One important lesson I learned was that what we want isn't necessarily what we need at the time. Another thing I learned was to pick my battles, some things just aren't worth fighting over. I think about how unhappy my husband would have been to have 4 kids at the time I wanted them. One last lesson learned, even the best made plans have a way of taking an unusual turn. Remembering the things that made my husband not want more kids...tops on his list was the expense. Some other silly things (to me anyway) he used for reasoning were all 3 fit in the back seat, if we had 4, we'd need a van, he didn't like how sick I was during pregnancy and he was always fearful of the pain I experienced during childbirth - he didn't want me to go through that again, more kids meant more times they'd be sick and he worried about the possible things that could go wrong. Talk to your husband, don't pressure him, and while it is hard, don't take your disappointment out on him.

Answer 5

How many do you have?Mabee he's overwhelmed with what he's allready got and when he got to thinking about it he changed his mind.Wait a while and ask again.Write down the pros and cons of another baby together then decide.Don't force him to have another id he really doesn't want one.It's a team decision and the NO always over rules the yes.

Answer 6

My hubby asked me if I wanted another baby when our 1st one wasnt even 3 months old yet! Gee, after her bout with colic and some routine childhood ailments - including teething - she is now 16 months old and my hubby hasnt mentioned having another baby since!

Maybe he's changed his mind because he's having trouble coping with the one you already have?

Answer 7

Three college tuitions is a lot to be responsible for providing. Sometimes, I think I would like to have a child. Then God provides me with a reminder of why I don't. Maybe something occurred to remind your husband that he already has an overwhelming responsibility on his hands. Really, three is enough. MORE than enough!

Answer 8

I guess like women men have a right to change thier minds too. I dont know why he might have but the only thing you can do is sit down and have a heart to haert with him and try to figure it out. Talk to him and lock him in the room untill he talks to you, cause if he is like my hubby getting him to open up it like having to sharpen a bowling ball.
Good luck

Answer 9

All I can really say is to try and just talk to him about how you are feeling and talk to him about the pros and cons of another child. Good luck.