When a man leaves his wife for another woman?

Question

The reasons - he was not happy and his needs were not being met. But he told the other woman that he still loved his now ex wife and that his ex wife was his best friend. They were married for 10 years. My question - when a man has these types of feelings for his ex wife - how will his new relationship be impacted? When he sees his ex wife (which is not very often - she was very hurt by his actions and limits contact only when it is about the kids) I swear he is still attracted to her. Is that possible?

Answer 1

people always want what they can't have. before it was this other woman, and now it's your wife. and no, things are not going to work out between you and this other woman. you're gonna need a lot of time alone to get over your ex wife. this new girl went from being your mistress to being your rebound.

Answer 2

Yes. I know of a couple, and they truly are best friends. The problem is that they "fell out of love" in a romantic sense. They would go for - literally - close to a year between sexual encounters with each other, and when they did, they weren't good ones any more.

But they were still best friends, got along great, and truly enjoyed spending time together. They decided it wasn't fair that they should live a life without sex, and they didn't want to just have an open relationship, going off and doing other people, so they ended their marriage. They are still very much in love with each other, but more like brother and sister than like real lovers should be. I imagine that they always will be, to an extent.

What does this do to future relationships? The other person has to be strong enough to understand that the role of best friend is going to be a tough one to fill for these people. Most of their relationships are short-term, because the new person doesn't live up to their needs - they had the perfect partner everywhere except the bedroom, after all. How do you surpass perfect?

I think that is the saddest position to be in. To have the perfect relationship, but have to throw it away because the sex is missing. It’s important to any relationship, and it’s sad that what is often the easiest thing is often the one that’s missing.

Answer 3

Sure, it's possible. In fact, there will always be a connection there... but it's not necessarily an attraction.

Nothing can erase the memories they've shared. It's called baggage for a reason...you carry it with you always!

But, your job as 'new girl' is to be creating new, different memories now. While she was his best friend, you are now. So, step up and be the best friend!

Also, consider that he may be feeling some guilt, too. If she is still bitter with him about all that has happened, he knows he hurt her and probably feels bad about it. You need to leave that alone- in this case, it's a good thing. A little guilt on his part means he'll always try and be civil when dealing with her, and that can only make things better in the long run.

Honestly, this should be a good thing for you to see. He's capable of commiting to a relationship and will ride it out until it just won't work anymore.

If you can keep it working, you should be fine!

Answer 4

Ten-years is long enough to have established ground and yes he may still love her.

One concept about love that I do know for a fact is when two people share a mutual feeling together for any length of time love will develop.
That love will stay for ever even if they never marry.

These feelings and emotions that two people feel and then all of a sudden they're separated or divorced.

If they divorce it doesn't take a genius to figure it out that if they are allowed the time to spend together alone again that love will flame back up...it never went out.



I fell in love at 21 with a beautiful girl that drove me literally crazy when things went wrong and I got the Dear Jon letter after joining the Air Force.

That was twenty-eight yrs ago. I married at twenty six and to this day I never forget, but you always have that memory that lasts and that is why I am saying that there is always a possibility of him getting back with her if he allows it and so does she. Love is a hard thing to break up when it's established and these are not consequences, but facts of life.

Answer 5

If you are the ex-wife, I would advise to stop trying to understand him. So what if he is still attracted to you anyway...he may be, and if so, too bad for him. Attraction doesn't count for much anyway. There are millions of attractive women in this world, and no one is the most beautiful. What matters most in the long run is his character. Can he make a comittment and stand by it? So far, it doesn't seem like it.

If you are the new wife, you are smart to wonder about how he will behave in his relationship with you. If he broke marriage vows once, he probably will again at some point. Again, it is more a question or his character than how attracted he is to any given woman.

If you are the man in this scenario, you need to develop some character and integrity and stop playing around with the women in your life.

If you are neither of the parties involved, then it is an exercise in futility to try to figure this situation out...best to go on with your own life and just consider this situation as an example of what not to do.

Answer 6

It sounds like this man went through either a mid-life crisis and craved for the attention of the opposite sex and made the mistake of a getting into another relationship, or the 7 year itch, which also resulted in the same scenario. If he lived with his ex-spouse over 10 years he will not forget her, because there was a relationship at one point, after being in relationship for so long a person tends to take the other for granted until the other person no longer shows any care, then they seem to come back to reality and realize that it was a happy home, just a bit of neglect. Sometimes the ex will continue to have a love affair with the ex in order to feel they are getting back at the person that interrupted their marriage so beware.

Answer 7

There are times in a relationship when one feels that their need aren't being met it could be sexual or communication problems. But remember this man was married to this woman for ten years and have two children together so there for they still have a bond between them. If he still has feelings for his ex-wife he truly never stop loving her just put his needs before the cart. You have a lot to deal with. Best of luck

Answer 8

YES....He will always have feelings for her....They were married and had children. The other woman is just a sexual surrogate. When the wife ends the marriage, the man usually did not want it to end. He wanted things to remain the way the were--wife and other woman. But, wife was very hurt and could not live like that and so now husband has regrets. He probably cares for other woman, but not the same.

Answer 9

The new relationship will always be affected by this. If he still loves his ex, he in not in love with his new woman. If I were the other women, I would always wonder if he was thinking of his ex all the time. I know of a similar situation where the man divorced his wife for the same reason and still claimed to love her and never said a bad word about her, they just fell out of love, but she will always be first to him which made the new relationship very difficult. When you can't give ALL of yourself to someone because you still feel for the other, it never works.

Answer 10

If you are the "other woman" Then know this: You'll never be number one. You are trying to build a realationship ona lie from the beggining. He still loves his wife and porbably always will. 10 years just doesn't go away. You were wrong for intefering in thier marriage to begin with.

I work at a strip club... those married men bring thier azzes in there and want this and that, I say "no" and i remind then that they ARE married. I make them feel like sh*t and they dont come back. I want something to call my own, Not some womans leftovers. Move on.

Answer 11

I would say yes, it sounds like you might have made a bad decision about your relationship, think it over what drove you to the divorce.
It could be possible that physically and mentally you are still drawn to that person I mean after 10 years you know some one pretty well.
I think she has the right idea if you both have moved on to another relationship however, you should keep your contact to only things that are important(kids) and both move onward !

Well if you can't move onward how can you love some one new, they will want your love and affections, so if your stuck in the past maybe you should consider counceling.