What should I do about my messy Husband?

Question

Ive been a stay at hope wife for several months. I do all the cooking cleaning and laundry and care for our puppy. I don't have a problem with that at all. The problem is, every single day when he arrives home from his job, he throw his shoes one way, his pants the other, he leave lights on, The pitcher out on the counter, basically what im getting at, is the man is a walking mess and destroys my hard work i do each day. I tried hinting to him that if he could just put his shoes away and hand me the clothes he doesnt want. Because i work hard to make the house lovely. I explained that it would be like me going out and shopping with no regard with his hard earned money. Its rude, and him just messing up my work is like the same to me. I need another approach to him, b.c he says " i don't care if it looks good, if it bothers you, clean up after me" But if he ever came home to a messy house he would complain. Thanks for any help!

Answer 1

He sounds like a typical male, as most men are not as neat and organized as women. I know all I do is pick up the mess like yourself. I think all you can do is ignore his mess, and clean up when you feel like it, don't stress over it. Obviously the neatness isn't as important to him as it is to you, and he will never understand, just don't make yourself crazy over it. Best wishes.

Answer 2

Oh my God I am not the only person with this problem!!!! Mine is just terrible....I am sitting down here to have a break because I am trying to figure out what to do with all of his crap. He leaves all these little things laying around like nuts, bolts, screws, nails and tools. My garage is full of stuff he will not get rid of and it is so unorgainized it's ridiculious. His paper mess is a whole new story in it's self. He accumulates weeks of mail before he goes through it ....I try and try and I've begged him to have a place for everything and he does nothing to change this. I have organized our important papers and he never puts them back ...I have asked him nicely I have thrown fits, got angry and mad, and I even made him go into marriage counseling over a year ago. Nothing has worked no matter what I do! We are in a second marriage and he truly is so wonderfull to everyone and would take that shirt right off his back if you asked him to. BUT, this I cannot understand for the life of me. WHAT IS IT? Maybe we should leave our husbands, but if we went back to them could you even imagine what we would walk back into? I live a very nice house and neighborhood and you think he would appreciate how hard he works to buy these things? He is great in so many ways but, he never finishes anything he starts. I am so glad that you asked this question but.....I don't have an anwer for you! I can't even take of my own problem and I just don't know how to help you!!lol. I sure hope that someone on here has an answer for you because maybe that will help me? I am truly sorry that you have to live like this because I really know just the way you feel. Are you sure that your husband isn't my husbands long lost brother? Maybe we are related and we just found out here on Yahoo Answers? Take care and have a good day because I have to finish cleaning my house.

Answer 3

This is an on going problem for many people. He should be more considerate of your hard work..and being a stay home wife is work...but they rarely see it that way! Try this, give him a place to put his things when he comes in the door like a large basket or rubber maid bin for his shoes and dirty clothes....you can still put in inside the back door for him to throw them in but at least they'll all be in one spot and not all over the floor....label it for him if you have to...I do that for my kids....and yes, men sometimes are just big kids!

If he refuses to put them in the bin and throws them on the floor next to it, then LEAVE THEM THERE! Just like with my kids...I say, I wash the laundry that is in the hamper...I do not go around picking them up off the floor...when they are tired of not having clean clothes to wear, they will get the point.

As far as the pitcher on the counter goes, I haven't found a good solution for that one...I just try to avoid having them go into the kitchen at all by already having a large glass of tea poured into a glass when they come in the door...that means no mess to clean off the counter and no pitcher to put away.

Do the same in the bathroom...just leave a basket next to the shower for him to put all his clothes in rather than on the floor...if he misses the basket, again, leave them there!

Answer 4

Some people are just slobs; remember the "Odd Couple" movie and tv show? You might try this; don't do anything at all; be sitting on the couch watching TV, drinking beer, smoking, with your feet up and the place looking like a pig sty; see if he notices anything. If he makes a comment just reply that what he sees is what you thought he wanted since he acts like a pig. Maybe something will penetrate his what passes for a brain. You could also make it very clear that nothing else will be penetrated until he cleans up the pen.

Answer 5

Well.. this happened to me when we first got married because my husband was in the military and worked long hours, I spoiled him and did everything except wipe his a**. When he got out of the military and worked normal hours, he was in the stage of me doing everything for him, no questions asked. After many efforts of trying to talk to him about his messy habits, I decided actions speak louder than words. So I stopped doing his laundry and only did mine. I stopped cleaning his coffee cup, and only cleaned mine. I made my dinner and cleaned my dishes, and didn't do his at all. He slowly started to notice that he had no clean underwear, his favorite coffee mug was filthy, no fresh towels to be found when he needed to shower, and that he couldn't find anything else when he needed it either. Once this happens they sort of "accidentally" do things for themselves, because they have to.

So, when he comes home to his clothes right where he left them and his dishes right where he left them. You just smile, give him a kiss, and tell him your going to take a nice long bath and read a book. He'll get the picture. If not, then he is a selfish, rude, and ungrateful husband that I wish you all the luck in the world with.

Answer 6

You don't like a mess and he doesn't like to put things away. The solution to this problem is to clean up the mess YOUR way. Get a few cardboard boxes from the liquor store (or wherever) and put them in the garage or on the back porch, or wherever you have space for them and they won't get rained on. When your husband leaves something out, put it in the box. If one box gets full, start filling up the next one, and so on. When your husband inevitably asks where something is, tell him it's in the box and then show him where the box is.

Yes, he will get mad, but all you have to do, every single time he complains (because it will take a few times until he realizes you're not going to stop) is to repeat, repeat, repeat, "If I have to pick up YOUR things, I am going to put them wherever I want to put them. If you want them in some other place, you are free to put them there yourself."

Answer 7

Hmmmmmm - and you didn't KNOW he was messy before you two got married?

Sounds like you want to change him (not that I blame you) after you tied the knot. That's going to be hard.

Maybe let the house go to hell in a handbasket, and he'll realize the hard work you do in keeping the place clean.

Then again - if you're a stay at home wife with nothing more to care for than a puppy - I don't have too much sympathy for you. You have it damn good and to do the housework is not asking very much. What else would you do with your day ? Sit on the couch, eat and get fat?

Get a job and let him pick up after himself. Otherwise, shut up and keep his castle nice for when the KING gets home.

Answer 8

Simpel solution: don't clean up until AFTER he creates the mess. Why clean up once and then demand he not mess it up and then clean up again? Geezus are you 9 or something? You are setting yourself for heartache.

Second, he should as a grownup clean up after himself.

Let him throw his sh*t everywhere and not have a care in the world. Then the minute he wants sex, tell him, "I only screw grownup men who put their sh*t away and don't throw it everywhere. You want some p*ssy, you had by god better hop out of this bed and clean your sh*t up this second. The honey pot will be be waiting for you here when you get back."

If you grow a backbone and deny him and do this for a few days, he'll fall into line in no time. I normally hate women who use their snatch that way, but he needs a crash course in grownup big boy responsibility.

Either that, or just smother him in his sleep with a pillow. Come on, don't say you've never thought of it!

Answer 9

Good luck girl friend been fighting this 1 for yrs. I have 3 guys to clean behind I used the same aprotch that u did my hub. is in consruction and i said would he like it if after he finish a house and I went rohg and tore it up how would he feel. Didn't work. When you firgure this out please let me know. Cause I work to plus keep house and it gets old