How many people who are contemplating divorce consider their role in it all?

Question

I've seen a lot of male bashing on here. It seems that a lot of women think they're always right and don't think about what they are doing/not doing that is affecting their marriage.

How many people actually made personal changes within themselves like being more understanding, cooking home cooked meals more, giving back rubs, listening more, whatever. You get what i'm saying.

What have you done to help your marriage before you decided a divorce was in your future?

Happy-I read most of those answers and most of them do not actually take responsibility, but say they married a flawed individual. I don't think that's fair to the other person. No one's perfect.

Answer 1

HELLO THERE DANIELLE,
I may not be the person to ask a "divorce" question to but I will give it my best shot.............................in my 1st marriage I wasn't the one to initiate the divorce.....He wanted the divorce because someone told him that I was cheating on him, which I wasn't but he did not believe me...........but I did try to change and be a better wife in all areas.....but he did not appreciate all the things that that I was doing and he went on someone else's information (which there was no truth to) and went to the attorney to start divorce proceedings...........I asked him to not do this = to give it time = but to no avail. He went ahead & filed. I was devestated and thought I couldn't go on.....I firmly believe that it was his male ego == that got ion the way.
But I didn't sign the papers for 10 months hoping that he would change his mind.....he did not.
My 2nd marriage was really good while it lasted.....he died in an auto accident. But the 3rd marriage is the charm.....this man has been so good to me and for me.....it's like a dream come true....We've been married for 20 years and I am still pinching myself to see if it is a dream or not. He is my" Prince Charming" and I tell him so every day. I am so happy & content with "My Randy", he is my True soul mate. I love him with all my heart and will until the day I die. I truely hope this has been helpful. Good luck !!!! And God bless..................luv, Sweetness#1

Answer 2

I have made every effort to change,so much so that I am disgusted at myself for being a naive idiot.We still have exactly the same problem we had 7yrs ago,my wife hasn't tried at all.I did everything she wanted(not that I thought I was in the wrong,but if a husband wants more "action",its amazing what depth he will sink to).Now she makes me feel like a sexist pig cause I would like it more than 3 times a month.Currently trying to figure out if I should stay 4yrs till kids are finished school or get a divorce now.When I point out what has happened in past 7yrs,now her story changes and she blames her probs on being the child of a alcoholic.I feel used,resent full and am not willing to go through this all again.Been married 20yrs,have 3 kids and almost feel that I have wasted the best yrs of my life.

Answer 3

I've always considered my role in both my divorces. And trust me, I did all those things...but when you give and give and give all the while earning your part of the income and your man still degrades you, abuses and it only gets worse with the more that you do to TRY to please him....he deserves to be bashed. And I won't say that I'm without my problems and quirks, especially now, but no woman ever deserves to put that much of herself into a relationship only to come out hurt and scarred. And as for the male bashing....we are only getting one side of the story.
Consider yourself lucky that you've got a man appreciates that you do those things for him. Because not all men appreciate it when they've actually got it. My first husband kicks himself in the @ss everyday, because he has yet to find a girl who is worthy of living up to my ghost (he admitted this) The second husband was too stupid and narcissistic to ever realized how much I did and gave to him.

Answer 4

Being that my parents have gone through divorce, recently, it was a huge emotional rollercoaster for me. My parents had a very, very bad divorce; all along I was stuck in the middle of it. My mother kept telling me that she didn't want me to go and see my father ever again; so, my advice, never, ever put a child/children in the middle of a divorce. Emotionally, they may be devastated, but soon they will grow to live and accept the new changes being made to their life.

Answer 5

I agree that a marriage takes two. BUT, if someone is unhappy they have a responsibility to tell their spouse and try to work on it. Most of the anguish I read on this site comes from the heartbreak associated with adultery. That behavior is never acceptable. NEVER

Answer 6

we tried counciling, spending more time together, asking for his help, not going out with other people so much(less influence), not so much drinking, listening, always did cook meals at home......maybe the other people have tried changing but thats not part of their question so they don't bring it up. People know when they are in love and when they fall out of love. Most people who fall out of love cannot get back into love because they have put most of their effort into a relationship and it has gotten them nowhere

Answer 7

With some surprise, I found out by asking a question here of my own that many people do realize they had a role in their divorces. The link to my question is below:

Answer 8

I agree completely. EVERY marriage has two sides, and women are just as guilty as men when it comes to neglecting their spouse.

Holding back on sex as a punishment, for example...just pisses me off when women do that. How childish!! We are lovers, helpers, homemakers, workers, mothers, friends....and we should consider being a wife an honor....

and expect to be treated the same way...

Answer 9

been more considered, pick her up 11pm or 11:30pm (depend on ovetime) 3 days a week, once marry, 5 days a week. I work at 8am, so you can see my sleep hour,

do give massage every weeken
listen and put he thing first over mine

her? good question, would want to know what she would do for me too

Answer 10

Divorce, like marriage, takes two people. About the only time one side is blameless is when the other side is abusive.