What do you do when you have a husband that don't like to do anything around the house?

Question

My husband is lazy, he just likes to work, eat and sleep. I work also and still have to come home and take care of the kids and help them with homework and COOK! I tell him that I need help around the house because we have a 2 story home. He told me that he don't have to clean because his mom did all the cleaning for his dad. I told him that I am not his mom and he need to do something or I will be gone. I love him. I have no say so in our relationship, everytime I want to do something, he never wants to do it but when he wants to do something, he dont ask he just do it. I thought about doing what he does but that would make the marriage worse than it is. We share 3 children together and I told him " what I am doing here, I can do it on my own".

Answer 1

OK. Do it his way. You need help, instead of complaining about it and wearing yourself out, if you can afford it, hire a house keeping service to come in a few times a week to clean. The money should come from the household budget. As to needing to do things with him. Some men do feel that once they are married the chase ends. What made him fall in love with you? Remember that. He still loves you. Don't think this has to do solely with you and what you do or do not do. That's not the case. Your husband isn't lazy, just comfortable. Too comfortable. Pick a night and do something for yourself that he is not involved in and that you don't have to and can't take the kids. For example take a class at the local community college in something that you have an interest in, for example a 6 week class in basic auto repair, or a class in gourmet cooking. Instead of directing him how to care for the kids, just let him take care of the kids his way and don't say a word about how he does things. He might take that to mean he is inadequate. Remember men don't like to feel like they have a director over them monitoring their every move at home.

Answer 2

Most often guys marry a woman who resembles their own mom the most. That is not to say you are like his mom. He is just expecting the same home environment in which he was brought up. It is not fair to you.
The good side is that your hubbys works outside the home and brings home some money. At least he is not a complete slacker. and you LOVE him and you have three children together....divorce is not going to make things any easier for you. SO you will just have to work hard towards putting some sense into his stubborn mind.

Did his mom work outside the home? If not then, tell him that taking care of three children and doing housework is a full time job and that either you will have to quit your job or hire a help to free you from some of the house chores. Be real serious about it.

If this doesnt work out then tell him that he has to do his own chores like doing his own laundry, packing his own lunch and cooking for himself etc.... he has to pull his own burden when both of you are working and you are the one doing everything in the house.

Answer 3

And why did you marry him again? Sounds like a lazy Mama's boy. If you can live with that attitude in general but still have to have help around the house, and it sounds like you do, tell him if he's not going to do it, he's at least going to pay for someone else to. Get a maid to come in twice a month and do the things that aren't daily. If something needs to be worked on and he won't fix it, hire someone to fix it. If he's not willing to do it he could at least make sure you get the help you need to get it done. Otherwise he's a bum and if you didn't have kids I'd say dump his lazy #@s. But, with kids, being dumb, childish and lazy probably isn't a really good reason to leave someone if you love them.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

Lighten your load... Hire a cleaning service to clean the house. Bring take out for dinneron the nights you don't feel like cooking. Hire tutors for the kids homework. Go where you want to go with friends. It's that or leave and do it all on your own, he won't change unless he doesn't like putting out all this money for help...

Answer 5

i have the same problem. my hubby doesn't do housework and we both work. we have been around and around this subject. He probabley will never change because that behavior was learned thru his mother and father. if you really love your husband, just leave it alone and concentrate on the things that he does do. like work. heck, some men dont even do that. maybe he is a good lover and a great father too! maybe he is humerous, caring, or smart. If you really cant handle doing all the housework then you might as leave. but be sure the bad out weighs the good.

Answer 6

You just answered your own question "What am I doing here, I can do it on my own". If he is unwillingly to help---he is very selfish. Did you two discuss before marriage how ya'll would handle kids ,cleaning, and bills? Even when things change there should still be a compromise. Talk with him and if you still get no results it means he does not respect your feelings and you are null and void.

Answer 7

Sounds like you have alot more issues here than whether or not hubby will help clean the house. He is apparently set in his old outdated ways, and unfortunately, there's probably not alot you can do to change it. I think eventually you will have to decide what's more important, having him as your husband or having equality and say-so in the marriage. If things go on like this, you will eventually get burned out on doing things his way. I honestly don't see him changing. He doesn't sound like he wants to change anyway. You're right. You can do bad by yourself.

Answer 8

You're right, you can do it on your own. I think that it isn't fair if you work full time too and still have to do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry and taking care of the kids by yourself. Kick his *** out. What makes him so special? You'd be better off alone.

Answer 9

Leave!!! LOL My hubby is the total opposite, he fixes everything, we have a gorgeous yard with flower gardens that he maintains. He makes me tired because he is so busy!

Big ? for you...do you have a job beside being a mom? If not, you job is keeping that house in order. My SECOND job is keeping the interior of the house in order, clothes clean etc (I have a maid once a month). His SECOND job is keeping the exterior of the house in order, plus maintaining our vehicles and boat, picking up dog poop. It is fair.

Answer 10

I hired a maid to come once a week....his day off! He got so embarrassed after a couple times that he actually started to pick his stuff up before she came until now I no longer have a filthy honey and no more maid!