Is my husband lieing or should I believe him?

Question

My husband comes to me on 08/07/07 and tells me the follwoing:

My brother is going to Mexico to buy some benches he needs to finish a job. We are only going to be there for 1 day and I said ok, as long as its only 1 day and your back by end of weekend. He left on 08/08/07.
On 08/09/2007 he calls me at 2:30 p.m. and says he’s sorry for not calling me earlier but his cell phone doesn’t work over there. He’s calling from his grandma’s house, he’ll call back when he buys a calling card in 1hour.
He calls at 4:30 p.m. and apologizes for no calling in 1 hour, but he saw some guys that are looking for him in Mexico that just want to hurt him, so he couldn’t go out and buy the card til now. The cards don’t have a lot of minutes so, to not waist them, he’ll call me later tonight. He never called.
The next day 08/10/2007 I was worried, because that’s not like him (not to be big headed, but he can’t live without calling me) So I contact his sister, she calls Mexico, and talks to his mom, who gets a hold of him. So then he calls at 4:45 p.m. because his mom called him and apologizes for not calling He said a lightening struck their phone post and they had to wait for it to be repaired. He said he’ll call me later tonight. He never called.
He calls the next day on 08/11/2007 at 4:30 p.m. Apologizes for not calling, but says that he left his calling card in his friends wallet and had to wait for him to get out of work and bring it to him. He will call me later tonight. I told him don’t tell me your calling me if you won’t. He promised to call me, and he did, at 8pm. He told me they are leaving tomorrow at 3am.
He calls next day on 08/12//2007 at 3:30 p.m. Tells me they didn’t leave because , when his brother was unloading the benches off his truck, he dropped one and it broke in half and he has to go buy a new one, but they would leave tomorrow at 3am. I asked why they had to stay 1 more day, just to buy a bench. He said because where they buy them is a couple hours away. He says he’ll call me later. He never does.
He calls next day on 08/13/2007 until 8:55 p.m./Says hey how are you doing? How are things? I say good, where are you. He tells me they didn’t leave..................I said, your still in Mexico, he said yes, but were leaving tomorrow at 3am..........its just that my brother, one of the benches........I say if your going to give me one more stupid excuse, then don’t. He says, “oh god”, and I hung up. He’s been there a week now, when it was just suppose to be 1 day. What should I think

Ok, for those who asked. This is not his normal behavior. He's been on trips before away and when he is, he calls me at least more than 5 times daily. Especially at night and in the morning. I don't ask him to call he always does. I'm worried because this is not normal.

Answer 1

Uh-oh. Hubby is lying, lying, lying and you know it. If you don't have kids, then make sure you don't get pregnant by this bozo. At the least he is irresponsible and a liar. At the most he is cheating his *** off or doing something he can't tell you. Get out, get gone, and get a happy life without the stupidity and drama. Are you kidding? He sounds like he's 14. This is the guy you are planning your life with? I am so sorry. Run for it.

Answer 2

Oh my...

This seems to be very complicated, and as nothing is usually just as it appears on the surface, I would suggest you ask yourself some questions.

From apppearances, he's not being forthcoming. He doesn't want to give you straight answers, but why? Were you two having difficulties before? Arguments, fights, disagreements? Are you experiencing financial difficulties that he may be (personally) struggling with? Do you have a fulfilling sex life? What is your relationship with his family and can you count on them to be honest with you? Has he taken other (shorter) trips like this in the past?

Looking back Right now, have you noticed any changes in his behavior recently? Coming home late, working out more, caring about his appearance suddenly, taking showers at random times? Study recent factual behavior-- without letting paranoia rule you. Write it down and try to logically analyze it. Then listen to your heart. What is your gut saying to you?

Sometimes when we make the assumption that someone "can't live without calling" you, you may have already passed into that comfort zone where you are not seeing the forest for the tree. Is it possible he may feel you are unwittingly taking him for granted? When was the last time you did something shockingly surprizing just for him? Something that makes you both remember why you got married in the first place?

Try to remember that there are 3 sides to every story-- yours, his and the truth. Whatever you do, as you take time to think about your situation and what you wish to do about it, if you have any lingering doubts/questions about his fidelity, make sure you protect yourself (sexually) until you are confident those doubts are unwarranted. The lies may stay hidden for a while, but a nasty std may not.

I don't know how long you've been together or if there are children involved. But, as I know well the sharp sting the gnawing feeling of doubt can bring when faith and trust is broken, I am sorry you are standing on the edge of this cliff now. Talk to him when he comes back. Ask questions-- calmly-- and tell him your concerns and fears. See how he responds (eg. defensive is usually a sign of hiding something, etc...) and hopefully the truth will come out. You'll either find that you both need/ want to work on the relationship, or it's all just too much. Either way it wouldn't hurt to seek counseling to get you through the next step.

Good luck and I wish you all th best~

Answer 3

Honorable Judge and Jury.

Your relationship sounds like a nightmare. Mainly because your husband has to validate every friggin' thing he does, and secondly because you demand that he validate every friggin' thing he does. Or should that be the reverse? Actually, it's all related; a cause and effect thing.

You documented this situation like he's always been, and always will be, the most unreliable person you'll know. Like he's on a leash, and the moment he tugs on it just a little, you're there to remind him what a bad doggie he's being.

No wonder he tests you (I'd call this whole Mexico "week" a test). Men are men. They like to call their own shots in some very independent ways, even if they're married. If you trust him, why all the court documentation? Are you getting ready to divorce him? And for someone who tries to sound annoyed that "he can't live without calling you", you seem to require and NEED this constant contact. If he doesn't, you can't seem to live your life.

Tell me this, what did you do the whole week he was gone? Sit by the phone and fume? You need to get your priorities straight in your marriage. Let him know that you care, and that if you're worried about him, his vagueness in such precarious travel (Mexico) just makes it worse. Sounds to me like he was having a good time, while working (if he indeed was), and felt guilty off and on about it because he knows how YOU are when he's gone. If you suspect he's cheating, I don't know how you'd be able to tell--you've set yourself up for him being pretty ingenious in avoiding detection (what, with the 9-5 calling and all, how would you know for sure unless you hired a private investigator?)

I say lighten up or get a divorce. It's your call. You can't continue to treat him like a parole if he hasn't done anything to warrant that. If he has, then why are you with him?

I rest my case, your honor.

Answer 4

I think at first maybe a few odd-and-end things did go wrong, but I think that as more days go by, whoever he is with may not be the best influence in this situation. I'm not saying that the guys he is hanging around (including his brother) are going to cause him to do something stupid, I'm just saying that it's not the ideal situation for man who can't live without calling you to be in. I think he has good intentions when it comes to the two of you, but he is more or less in the wrong place at the wrong time, so to speak. Encourage him to come on home as soon as possible, and no more trips to Mexico with his brother!

Answer 5

Sounds like he is use to giving you excuses and you sound like you always accept them. Those are some very lame excuses and he probably have an alternative motive for spending a lot of time in Mexico; or he could just be missing his family and he just miss his hometown. He is wrong for that though and when he get home, he would definitely suffer the consequences.

Answer 6

i don't think of you're over reacting, although I do have a training. First forgive him yet do not forget the incident purely yet, next, permit approximately 5 days bypass with good kinfolk and each thing as in case you completely forgotten approximately that, next get something from like Victoria's secret and while he next gets abode next time, attempt some romantic stuff and then in a roundabout way insinuate which you particularly choose him to do your pictures. If he fairly grew to become into purely doing for paintings might come clean to you, and additionally it would desire to then become an unstated fantasy of his. many stuff might emerge as clean approximately him and your dating with him you do all of this, which incorporate the answer to the question, is this a healthful marriage. At this element if the respond looks "No", i might recommenced marriage counseling or something. i don't approve of divorce although, according to risk which would be suitable.

Answer 7

Is this his normal mode of operation? Does he usually call you and change plans, does he usually have some fiasco or some issue as to why things aren't going according to plan? If this is normally how things go for him, meaning that he never quite plans properly, then he's probably not lying.....if this is totally out of character for him, he's got some serious explaining to do, because it sounds a bit like lying.

Answer 8

Never had so much fun reading a story.

Maybe he's really been victim of Murphy's law it's hard to tell but I'd be fumigating right now. I think they're being lazy and having a week of fun drinking beer far away from their wives, not necessarily cheating.

Answer 9

He is lying to you. This man is so full of crap his eyes are brown. Tell him that is clothes will be outside on the lawn today at a certain time and then do it. Tell him that if he doesn't come home that you promise he will not have a place to live. He is up to something, call him on it.

Answer 10

When he calls tell him you went to Mexico and had sex with his brother and that the two of used the bench to do it on. You would have told him sooner but you didn't want to use up his calling card minutes. LOL! Seriously, I think if your story is true, he is cheating!