was this my fault or was i abused? need help figuring this out.?

Question

ok, when i was 10/11, and my brother was 12/13 we would "play" with each other (private areas) when my parents weren't around. sometimes, i didn't want to do it, but he kept bugging me till i let him. i did not consider this as abuse since he was only two years older than me, and if i absolutely did not want to do it, then i could have just said no. he wouldn't have forced me. and also because i kind of enjoyed it. but then i heard a speaker talk a few months ago when i was at camp, and he said that if someone older than you touched you, then that person was taking advantage of you whether you enjoyed it or not. i'm 16 now, and he's 18. now you woulda never knew it happened at all. we don't talk about it, he's fixing to go to fire school to be a fire fighter, and everythings all dandy. it's just lately i've been thinking about whether or not i was abused, taken advatage of, or if it was my own fault? can i have your opinions to sort this whole thing out in my head. thanks.

Answer 1

Chalk it up to immaturity. No one's going to benefit from knowing about this. If it wasn't bothering you before, it's only become a problem since someone put it in a different "agendized" light. Young teeen boys and younger sisters have done similar things for eons and it rarely progresses past experimentation. If you weren't in fear when it happened, then you were just playing with a little fire. Apparently nobody got burnt. You and your brother are not perverts or anything of the kind. Count your lucky stars it was someone who meant you no harm and be glad to move on. Your brother apparently has a noble nature since his chosen work will let him be of service to many, at no small risk to his own life, and that should count for a lot. And you, because you are able to be concerned over this whole issue, show a great sensibility that will hold you in good stead as both a citizen and a parent. Cherish your family and have a nice life.

Answer 2

This is called incest...see the following definition:

"Incest is sexual relations or sexual contact of any kind with a relative so close that marriage is illegal. On this site, we talk about incest in the context of child sexual abuse. In fact, the definition of incest in the On-line Medical Dictionary states that "incest involving a child is a form of child abuse". Incest can include inappropriate touching, display of genitalia, and sexual intercourse. No matter what state or country you live in, there are strong laws and swift reactions to protect victims of child sexual abuse and incest.
Incest may also occur when there is an imbalance of power between the people involved, as in a relationship between a teacher and a student. Stepparents and stepchildren relationships seem to blur the line, but generally any sexual contact between legally related persons is considered incest."

Age does not matter. At 13 he was probably going through a time of figuring things out as far as his body and girls bodies but it is still wrong. I would talk to a professional about this, find out if it actually has affected you more than you realize. I believe at 13 he did know what he was doing. You really should tell someone, and I think that includes your parents. And NO this was NOT your fault!

Answer 3

Honey you are in a horrible position. That young he may not have understood what he was doing. But it was wrong. I don't know If I would personally call it abuse but definitely taken advantage of. I know you love your brother and dont' want to get him in trouble, which I can understand. But even if you don't want to do anything about it, maybe you should go to some counseling to try to help resolve your issues and let the past stay there. Although it wasn't forced it is hard for your mental state and you don't want this to affect you later in life. I am so sorry about your situation. I hope everything works out ok for you. Take care.

Answer 4

Hmm personally I would consider this abuse. He was 12 or 13 and boys that age pretty much know what they are doing. You need to confront him about it thats the only way you will ever move on. I had a similar situation with my brother except he didnt do anything to me but a friend of mine(it wasnt to the same extent as your situation). I had to talk to my brother about it before i could begin to get over it.

Answer 5

wow that is a tough one, it sounds like abuse to me, but also your brother was going through his own sexuality, and maybe didn't know better. Did you try talking to him about it? Did it happen a couple of times or all the time for years? Is it still going on? Are you close to your mom can you talk to her? You really need someone to talk to you about this situation.

Answer 6

in line with threat your could ask his girlffriend if it is real first through fact what you have this is somewhat no longer adequate to base a concept on. despite if it is, tell her she could get faraway from him and you wish she does. Then pass away them on my own. you won't be able to alter your brother and something you're saying to him will strengthen a conflict.

Answer 7

yes he was taking advangte of you but i mean it was a long time ago u should just forget he is you bro if he makes u do now then u have to tell some one but if it really brothers ur mind then u should tell an adult now good luck

Answer 8

You were both young, and it was really more the fault of our too-lenient culture, but it was WAY more his fault than yours. Forgive and forget, it was a long time ago, and it doesn't look like he's been doing anything like that since then. It was wrong, but you two were young and made mistakes.

Answer 9

WELL TO TELL U THE TRUTH I HAVE HAD THE SAME THING HAPPEN TO ME AND I FEEL THE SAME WAY..BUT I THINK OF THE CONSEQUENCES OF IF I TELL OR NOT BUT I DONT THINK HE THINKS ABOUT IT BUT I DO...
DON'T FEEL AS U WERE ABUSED BECAUSE U DIDNT TELL HIM NO OR ANYTHING OF THAT SORT SO IF HE DOESNT BRING IT UP THEN JUST LET IT RIDE..BUT IF ITS THAT BAD THAN SEE IF U FEEL BETTER TALKING TO A COUNSELOR

Answer 10

That was not abuse. He may have taken advantage of the fact that you new jackshit but it was just being curious. that was a thing of the past, it think it is safe to move on a repress the memory. I am sure he has grown out of that curiousity and will or has move(d) on to sex with a girlfriend.