Another one... need help with a word in a sentence for grad school personal statement?

Question

The sentence is:

I intend to demonstrate to the faculty what fierce characteristics that I already know that I possess.

First- it might be a little wordy
Second- I want to replace fierce with something a little less harsh or just more accurate

later I go onto describe my focus, initiative, management and leadership skills, and a genuine compassion for people

any suggestions?

Answer 1

It is my intention to show to the faculty the strong and driven characteristic that is inherent in my person.

Answer 2

Hmmm...it is a little wordy. First, congrats on deciding to go to school!

I don't think you need that many "thats" in the sentance. I think I know what you mean by fierce, impassioned? focused?

Is it neccessary to say that you already know you possess a certain character trait if you are telling them about it?

I am assuming you intend to demonstrate in the rest of the essay the characteristics...or are you demonstrating these qualities once you are a student?

How about,

I intend to convey my passion for learning, focus and dedication to the field of ____ in my following statement.

Unless you are specifically directing your sentance to the faculty, (is this a given?)

You can say,

I have confidence in my ability to _____(whatever you are going to school for), my passion for learning and ability to focus, (or something like this). In this essay, I intend to convey this to the faculty of _____.

Answer 3

The sentence is awkward and "that I already know that I possess" really isn't a proper construction and really isn't necessary. If you're telling them about it, of course they know that you know it.
Besides that, the entire meaning is a bit vague. What kinds of characteristics are we talking about, exactly?
"I intend to demonstrate to the faculty my strength of character." Or something like "I intend to demonstrate to the faculty the characteristics that make me the strongest candidate for this position" or whatever it is.

Answer 4

I intend to demonstrate my strong capabilities to the faculty. (?)
no need to say that you already know you possess them - that's obvious from your statement......... and you're right - fierce is a bit of an 'emotive' word for this kind of writing.

Answer 5

Instead of fierce, you may consider using words such as relentless, unrelenting, implacable , inexorable, persevering, indefatigable, persistent, tireless .... Are they enough to keep you busy?

Answer 6

i think of that the word "sheltered" is a grave understatement pondering my upbringing. i think of that the word "sheltered" is a grave understatement pondering my parent's parenting philosophy. i think of that the word "sheltered" is a grave understatement pondering how i became raised.