I often wonder if I'n below the norm for a married couple?

Question

36 yrs old
Married 12 yrs
2 Kids
Having sex ONCE every 3-4 months

I need to add more details as it sounds like I left some important info out.

NO, I'm not happy with my sex life. Not happy at all. Its not acceptable to me, but my wife finds it acceptable.

-- I'm seeing a psychologist weekly (therapy sessions)

-- Wife refuses to go to marital counceling with me or on her own (I've asked her several times)

-- We don't sleep together, nor are we intimate during the day or night.

Folks,

I'm not exagerating. We have sex about ONCE every 3-4 months and I'm thinking about ending that, unless she agrees to have sex more, as I believe I'm sending the wrong signal. Hey, she feels now that I will do it with her out of desperation and this is NOT acceptable to me.

Answer 1

Each couple is different and sets their own patterns. If you are unhappy with your situation, then you need to discuss it with your wife and not strangers on the internet.

Answer 2

Sorry, man... I'd call that below normal. Even though my ex-wife didn't have much of a libido, we had sex at least a few times a month. We didn't get to the 3 month, 6 month thing until we were on the downhill slide toward a divorce. (But that wasn't the reason, btw)

Of course their is no one set frequency that is "normal" but I'd say anywhere from a few times a month up to daily.

You don't elaborate, and that's OK... are there physical reasons from one or both of you? Stress? Lack of time or intimacy? And you didn't say if it had always been this way. Not much need to fill in the blanks for me, but think it over. I feel the two of you need to talk very openly about this, without blaming. If you had a more robust sexual relationship earlier in your marriage, tell her you'd like that back. Maybe take a vacation together, etc. There are tons of ways to make it better, but it will need to come from both of you.

And don't dismiss the idea of seeing a counselor or therapist together.

Good luck! You both deserve to be happy!

Answer 3

Nope. That sounds like you should try to find some time for each other more often though. My husband complains because I sometimes make him suffer for up to 2 weeks. I'm pregnant with baby #3. My hormones are constantly changing. And it is very hard to find time with one another. Jobs, long hours, tired constantly, 2 kids, chores, etc. It's hard to find time. Sometimes we plan a date. We try to find a babysitter, and go to see a movie. Or spend a night at home, renting a movie, and sharing popcorn on the couch. Any small time together is worth it. You both have to make an effort. That's how a marrige works. Or if you wake in the middle of the night, you could awaken your spouse and hopefully arouse them for a midnight romp! It's normal for people with children to go without for a number of days. But 4 months is too long and unhealthy. It makes you wonder whos getting some from somewhere else. Try communicating. Hope this helps.

Answer 4

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what the average is. If you are unhappy having sex once every 3-4 months, then it needs to change. I suggest talking to your spouse and seeing if you can get into some marriage counseling. With two kids, it's really important that you are both happy. Your children will learn how to be future husbands and wives by watching their mom and dad.

If your relationship with your wife is not sufficiently close and loving, you'll be a less than ideal role model for your children. So, fix your marriage and enjoy the future with your family.

Good luck.

Answer 5

I'd be frustrated too if i only got it 4 times a year!! You poor thing. If she really cared about your relationship she would agree to seek counseling. Talk to her (as I'm sure you already have) and tell her this is it! She either goes to therapy or she doesn't care enough to make the marriage work and you'll have no choice but to file for divorce or separation. I know it will not be easy especially having two children with her but life is way to short to be so unhappy. IF she is not willing to be a wife and make you happy then at some point you must move on.
What are her reasons for not going to counseling alone or with you? Why doesn't she like sex? does she talk to you about it at all?

Answer 6

There is no "norm" so get that notion right out of your head. It's up to the couple to decide what works best for them. Do you help around the house? Do you help with the kids? Does your wife work? Have you both had physical exams to determine that nothing is wrong? Why are you having sex only once every 3-4 months? Is it you? Her? How is the stress level in your marriage? Do the kids have "special needs?" Do you drink to excess? Does she?

You see what I mean? You have to get to the issues in YOUR marriage and work on them. What other people do is irrelevant.

Answer 7

thats way below norm for me im 25 yrs old married 3 years but been together 6 and we have sex about 4/.5 times a week and we have 2 kids

Answer 8

You know my info but I gotta answer (2 points ya know lol)


34 yrs old
married 18 yrs
4 kids
sex at least 4,5sometimes 6 times a week.SOmetime more than once on oneday.

My husband would be very upset if that were happening here.I dont think a marriage can last through that.You're only prolonging whats going to happen anyway..divorce.Unless she makes some MAJOR changes and FAST...Id send her some papers....

Answer 9

Should be 3 to 4 times a week man!

Answer 10

Yeah id say so. Sounds like you need a romantic getaway to get that spark back. Unless you are both happy with that arrangement. Some people just have a lower sex drive and that could work for you. It all depends, Are you happy? is She?

Answer 11

That is just sad you should have sex more often who is holding up production? I would have sex with my husband every day if I got the chance but he is only human so I guess I can't but we have sex at least once a week. We don't have kids yet we would in a few months have our first but that is it.