How should I react to this e-mail from my ex-husband?

Question

As I said earlier you are NOT dependable and are NOT determined or commited to make a life with me. It is always unclear, and always a negative result comes out dealing with you.

You have a mind of your own and do not want to connect and work as a friend with me - in the interest of the house, our child and a future. Do exact opposite of what the situation demands and are not a team player. When I help you in writing about your priorities...you still do the opposite. Due to such actions, outsiders/ lawyers/ apartment complex people take advantage and benefit.... and WE... our child, myself and our family loses...

It is very hard to get a hold of you on the phone. WHY ??? You never answer the phone and never return phone calls. I am always in the dark about what is going on or what to expect.
Something is very very wrong..........

IS THIS WORKING LIKE CLOCKWORK ?

Prove me wrong with your actions !!!

I have worked on the move transition to reunite with him.

Answer 1

WOW for a man to feel like that you are probably doing some pretty bad things. He needs to take a look at himself aswell. Read his email again it's all you you you you you you!!! However, you need to take a step back and decide what you want and make the effort otherwise you are doing exactly what he says pushing away your family and you will only have yourself to blame.

Answer 2

This seems a bit controlling. You two are apparently trying to reconnect, yet he only used the term "we" once, and he made it clear that the "we" was your child, him, and the family. He specifically did not include you.

The rest of the email is blaming You You You. He is playing the victim and taking no responsibility to try to work things out.

It seems like the solution he is looking for is for YOU to fix things. In order for any relationship to be repaired, BOTH people have to do the work. If he can't take responsibility for his part then things might be grim.

If this is how he acts all of the time, I think when you react to this email you should bring this up to him. Repairing a relationship does not include one party telling the other party how to fix things. You two need to work together, and emails like this don't help. I do NOT think you should respond to his specific accusations because that would be telling him that his strategy is effective. Let him know that you're more than willing to talk with him about his concerns (if you are) but that you won't be put on the defensive.

If you really want to work things out, go to a marriage counselor. S/he will be able to help BOTH of you respond appropriately to eachother and can guide you through rebuilding your relationship.

Good luck!

Answer 3

there should be no reacting to this type of behavior. If you are sending signals about re-uniting perhaps you need to reassess him and your thought process. Once again, no one can tell you how to act, or react. You should be in control of all your actions. So you don't answer the phone- think you could be doing something else other waiting for him to call. Actions speak louder than words- his is sending a CLEAR message-- CONTROL. Again- do not react however, act on your own needs and feelings, after all are they not important to you. You have NOTHING to prove other than taking a step in a direction (your decision) that benefits you and your child. Demands- who is your X to demand ANY TING? Ask yourself has anything changed in the past 10 years to warrant such a MAJOR transition back to him. Only you can answer but you are in CONTROL OF YOUR DESTINY.

Answer 4

He sounds very frustrated with the way you are handling things.

If I received this letter I wouldn't like it.. BUT I would evaluate myself and figure out what I am doing to benefit the relationship, the household, our child and our marriage. I would write the things down that I am accomplishing as well as the things that need improving.

Is he right? Is he wrong?

From what he wrote it sounds like you're being very selfish? Is this true? If it's not prove him wrong. If it is, you have a decision to make. Do you want to be in this relationship?

He is definitely challenging you to step up to be the wife and mother for your child he desires.

Bottom line you will do what you want to do. If you love him and your family life you will do what it takes.

All that said.... Is he a good husband, father and provider? I don't know all the details so I can't take sides.. but just from the information you gave It posed a lot of questions.

Good luck.

Answer 5

It sounds as if your ex is very negative and sees everything you do in the worst possible light. He probably has a point that other people benefit when the two of you don't readily agree, but are his arguments/decisions/priorities the best for all involved or just the best for him? Do you not answer the phone because when it's him it just means another argument? Maybe counseling could create a workable relationship when the child would be the person to benefit from two parents who don't agree but have found a way to work toward his/her best interests. It certainly seems as if your ex has a lot of anger/hostility/insecurities/issues and you are going to try to get back together with him? - maybe not such a good idea. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 6

Well it is hard to say without hearing both sides of the story, but it sounds like he feels that the two of you have different ideas of how just about everything should be done.

It appears that he views you as a tenant more than a wife and that he has to carry the load. Add to that the fact that he feels you are difficult to get in touch with and do not return his calls, he fears other things have your attention and priority.

If the two of you can not sit down, outline some common goals, expectations and ideas of how it is all to work, there can not be any reuniting that will work.

Answer 7

Well, he is just venting his concerns. If you are not answering the phone and are keeping him in the dark concerning you child, well he has a reason to be mad. If there are other things still tying you two together, you should work as a team, to resolve the issues. You cannot use your child to hurt him that is wrong, wrong wrong. I am the mother of a handicapped and have always kept his father up to date on the things going on with his child. Even though his father, cannot handle bad situations, I have still let him know. My situation is different because I will be connected to my ex for the rest of my son's life. You on the other hand, may just be connected until your child leaves home. Your child can feel negativity and it is not good for them. Please try to work with your ex to give your son a loving and caring "pair" of parents!

Answer 8

You two need to get together and talk as adults, without thinking negatviely. It seems your still in that stage of either regret, or denial of self actions. and whos fault it is, or you both still love each other but wont admit it.
Do something for your child, talk as adults, no more not answering phones, or just disagreeing for the hell of it.
DONT HIDE ANYTHING!!!

My sister got a divorce and her ex says he still loves her, btu what he doesnt do is act like an adult, he has cheated, and he has denied, and been a child blamed everything on her. And he is just now realizing that he needs to grow up and be a man.
He has talked to her, and admitted things, and has grown up some, it takes a while.
But 3 years later and 2 children, and they are getting somewhere.
DONT HIDE ANYTHING.

Your divorced there should be nothign to hide

Answer 9

he's probable looking diverse suggestions on a thank you to get you to do what he thinks you're able to do - bypass and stay there with them. He sounds like a toddler at a toy save - first asking, then pleading, and finally while none else happens, throwing a extra healthful/tantrum to get what he needs to get. First, he's being purely too egocentric approximately his own profession, life, abode, etc. He does not recommend shifting over to the place you're or communicate different innovations of your visitation. in case you thoroughly forget approximately those emails what he might do is to apply that as a element to tell your teenage daughter how insensitive a individual you're. Reacting to his emails will in straight forward terms carry approximately extra emails and extra accusations and extra discomfort. the suitable way is to forget approximately his emails and language yet communicate which incorporate your daughter approximately what the area is. by utilising being expressive to her and user-friendly along with her, she'll actual understand your difficulty. the warm button is how nicely related you're which incorporate your daughter - who's probable extra substantial to you than all of us else.

Answer 10

Well, he sounds angry and controlling. Do you really want that? Why reunite? He belittles you in every statement. He sounds like you are supposed to be trying to become friends. He wants total control and no "outside" interferences. Sounds like he wants to reach you or be called when he wants you to, not when it is convenient for you. "You are not a team player." Does that mean that you aren't doing what he, "the coach" is ordering? It sounds like he wants to call all the plays and wants you to comply. Good luck. I wouldn't get near the guy. I'd say good riddance.