Is it really that bad for me to choose to be a subservient wife?

Question

Honestly, everytime i mention that my husband makes all the decisions, and choices everyone freaks out. Most people think poor me, and that my life must be sad.
I chose this lifestyle, i like this lifestyle, and im quite happy and my marriage is fantastic. My husband wasnt forced into either, we discussed this before we got married. We agreed before we got married that this was the lifestyle we would have.
He works, i do not. There fore i feel like he should be afforded more authority over money, housing,credit,etc.
I think a lot of people think subservient means he beats me or something. He DOESNT!
To me being subservient to my husband is just letting him make decisions and choices. I trust his judgment, and I feel comfortable in him making the choices.
My husband is fantastic, hes putting me through college for my own entertainment. Bought us a house,and has a good job. I love cooking, and cleaning. It works for us. Its not for everyone i understand that.

Im not saying that my husband doesnt ask my opinion, he does. Heres the thing weve never really had a problem where i disagreed with him. We are a lot a like and have the same morals,etc... So we tend to think a like anyways.

I do not have a mental illness.
My husband has never forced me to do anything. He chose what house HE bought, what car HE bought me. stuff like that.

I am happy being a homemaker im also happy with my husband making the decisions that effect or lifes.

To the person who said i was bragging or whatever and being a towel rack.

No im not bragging, it was an honest question i wanted opinions on. I dont feel bad about myself and thats not why i asked the question.

As far as persuing college, you will see that i do go to school. My husband pays for me to go to college full time.

This may help some people:
Lets talk monthly bills, groceries etc. Since my husband works all day i do the grocery shopping, pay the bills etc. He frankly doesnt have time. Every night we talk about what needs to be done the next day. He tells me what needs to be paid and how much. How much is available for groceries ( i shop every 2 weeks), and what other things are needed for the house.

He gives me dollar amounts, places and things that need paid and i pay them. I see all the bills, so he doesnt hide them from me. I write all the checks, pay all the bills. Its just the things are in his name, and he tells me how much to pay to them.

As far as say groceries, i buy groceries, because i cook. He gives me my dollar amount for 2 weeks and i go buy what i need making sure to get the meals that he likes and enjoys.

My name is on all the accounts, frankly so i can use them. I even have an account of my vary own. Its my school account where he puts my money for books, and tuition and such, even a little extra so that i can buy school sweaters, or snacks at campus.

For things like credit cards, he makes me an authorized user and gets me a card with my name on it linked to his account. For one it still helps build my credit, and two then i dont have to wait for him if thats what i need to use to buy something that we need. I dont use them with out his knowledge though.

My name is on all the accounts, frankly so i can use them. I even have an account of my vary own. Its my school account where he puts my money for books, and tuition and such, even a little extra so that i can buy school sweaters, or snacks at campus.

For things like credit cards, he makes me an authorized user and gets me a card with my name on it linked to his account. For one it still helps build my credit, and two then i dont have to wait for him if thats what i need to use to buy something that we need. I dont use them with out his knowledge though.

Wanye i did ask a question very clearly, i asked if it was really that bad for me to choose it. The question was to gather peoples opinions on the choice.

Answer 1

My man is the head of our household too.

There is nothing wrong with it. I enjoy not having to wear the pants and my man takes care of me and protects me and treats me like the Princess I am......

I think its more a woman's nature to "nurture" and a man "protects"......

EDIT- I do not think most women here have a clue either....being submissive does not make one a doormat....I too have access to all OUR money and of course am master of my own destiny....submission is a GIFT you choose to give, not something TAKEN from you.....it createsd peace and harmony between a man and a woman and it truly makes us MORE lovable to our man. IT DOES! The problem is, so many women pick the wrong men and are unhappy and think to themselves, "I could NEVER submit myself to him"....never realizing that if they for once just TRIED, they might be surprised how their man starts relating to them in a more loving, and respectful way. Most men ARE NOT stupid, and would rise to the challenge of "head of household" if simply given the CHANCE.....*Off soapbox now*

Answer 2

No, it's not a bad choice.

I did a college debate about submission in marriage. I had a strong argument FOR and the ONLY thing my opponent brought to the table was this (and I'm serious): "I think both husband and wife should help with the house/dishes".

I took him down and fast. It was hilarious.

In every successful company, there's one person who has the absolute most authority. Maybe it's only 1% more than the others, but still. ANd yes, there are some companies where that top person is a jerk and abuses his role. And then there are the successful companies/people - with the leader trusting his teammates and honoring them. THis is what a successful and healthy submissive marriage is.

What's happening is this: They are imagining giving their own partner this "power". And they know they would be OWNED and USED. And so they think it's the same for you.

These are the same people who - if in a field and their spouse/boyfriend said "jump", they'd start ranting about "You can't tell me what to do..you don't own me...blah, blah, blah" while the big snake the guy was trying to warn you about bites you to pieces....LOL. If you don't trust the guy enough to jump if he says jump - you shouldn't be in a relationship and certainly shouldn't marry. A honorable man DOES NOT abuse this honor. An honorable man protects, loves and respects his wife. He does not EVER tell her to do something just to make her do it.

You do have to understand, though, that there are a LOAD of marriages that have "submissive" qualities that are very unhealthy and are just another "name" for an abusive relationship. Maybe this is what the majority of people see - and what they are basing their opinion on.

If it works for you and you know you're having the best life possible, that's wonderful. If he's really as stellar as you say - that's wonderful.

I have a husband who is so very wonderful. But honestly - I have to make 99% of the decisions. I am a control freak and he hates making decisions. Just wanted you (and others) to know this so they weren't thinking that I was in the same boat as you and blindly defending it...LOL.

Answer 3

Since I tend to make most of the decisions in our marriage (because my husband, well, frankly, refuses to), I can understand that sometimes having one person make decisions just makes things easier. And the fact that you and he agreed on this makes this ultimately your business.

We have sort of an old-fashioned marriage, in where while we both work, he doesn't do the bills stuff (hey, he earns it, I make sure it lasts, as he puts it), is Yard and Car Guy, while I keep track of the bills, laundry and cooking (but he does the dishes).

One thing, though, as a suggestion...every now and then you and your husband should sit together and go through financials, insurance, even cooking. heavven forbid your husband dies, will you know what bills to pay, which banks have what kinds of accounts, even where the mortgage paperwork is located?

When I got sick last year, my husband spent about a week panicking because he had no clue as to when our paychecks got into the accounts (we have direct deposit), even HOW much got into the accounts, which bills were due, which medical insurance we had, etc. In an emergency, both of you should be able to step into each others' shoes (figuratively speaking, of course).

And be happy that you're happy.

Answer 4

I'd trade places with you anyday! If I could stay home and not work I would gladly allow my husband to make most of the decisions. That's a deal I couldn't refuse! Good for you. It sounds like you are VERY happy so dont listen to what other people say. What they think doesn't matter :)

Answer 5

as long because it is your selection and not his... yet there are area outcomes which you will be able to desire to no longer understand...your guy is going to gloat to his buddies (as all adult adult males do) with reference to the variety you do each and every thing for him, probably humorous tale approximately it like "I have been given her experienced!" etc. and those adult adult males are going to flow abode and argue with their better halves how "Joe's" spouse is doing this and that and why isn't she doing the comparable for him and fights will happen, emotions gets injury and you'd be the blame. i'm no liberal by ability of any ability, yet i'm sufficiently previous to keep in mind a time whilst women had to be subservient and it wasn't an incredible thank you to stay. women have been dealt with like valueless idiots and it grow to be shameful and emotionally painful. Womens rights fought in contrast and it took an prolonged, painful time to get those chains broken so i will work out why there could be some who might take offense to that, including myself. yet I additionally understand what that's decide to be plenty in love with a guy which you particularly decide to do issues for him. in basic terms keep in mind, consistently to make it sparkling which you're taking sturdy care of him for the reason which you like him...and the minute he acts like an ungrateful a**hollow, the favors give up. you will likely could desire to describe this to the better halves of your hubby's buddies, too...

Answer 6

To too many people 'equality' means that women must play boss, whether they like it or not.
They must, because the man does it naturally, so, in order to be 'equal' they must do everything he does.

He, if that doesn't work for you, and you found that out, good for you!
Too many people get into trouble because the 'bossy' role is not what the woman really wants. She's just pushed into it because she must.

If you found out what makes you tick, good for you. Keep it up.

Ps. Your husband says you will give me the ten points.

Answer 7

As long as there is respect and you don't turn into a doormat, then there isn't anything wrong with it. Many people equate being subservient with abuse; it doesn't have to be a negative thing. As long as you and your husband are happy and he's treating you well then it shouldn't be an issue.

Answer 8

Subservient means you do what he tells you, you do not make any decisions, and are completely under his control...is that how your marriage is? If so, you have a mental illness, and I hope you get help.

If you are a happy homemaker, that is wonderful. There is a difference.

I have a career, in fact I provide health insurance for us, and my employer savings plan is our main retirement fund. My husband makes a hell of a lot more money than I do, which is great for us, and I am proud of his accomplishments. I do not dominate nor am I dominated, we make decisions together, many times it is just "running something by", but we include each other, because we are a partnership, not a dictatorship.


I would not trade places with you if my life depended on it...I chose the color, he chose the model of the boat the *WE* bought, We selected a new truck, together, we both have our names on every bank account, vehicle title, and insurance policy, all with rights of survivorship, because we love each other, we do not possess each other.

Answer 9

In most cases, relationships where one partner is subservient to the other tend to end up with problems. I'm not talking about physical violence or anything, it's just that they get to the point where one (or both) of the partners aren't getting the right enjoyment out of it and are just finding it pointless.

However, if you're happy, your husband is happy and you both know that it works for you, that's fine. What you do in your relationship is entirely up to you and there's nothing to say that it will necessary not work.

Answer 10

Frankly it's no ones business what happens in your marriage. Tell them you like a man in charge and if they are jealous, they need to go find their own man. I personally share equally everything with my man, but that is what works for us. If subservient works for you and your man then honey, nothing else matters, RIGHT?