Do I divorce or suck it up?

Question

Every since we decided I would stay home with the kids, have no income of my own, he has gotten very contolling.

He feels he have to make all the decisions without consulting me.
He does all the gocery shopping, I have to settle for what he buys.

basically the only decision i have is WHAT TO COOK AND DISCIPLINE THE KIDS

I have expressed my feeling and he still does it. I'm tired of arguing.

I can't get a job because i don't have a babysitter and he want pay.

totally unhappy, but my kids are very happy

Answer 1

Your kids might be happy now, but how will they feel 20 years from now when they realize that you were hurting and in pain and sacrafised that for their happiness?

You only have one life, and I feel you should do what is best for you. You are the only one that will look out for you. There is much more to life, and you deserve to be happy.

Answer 2

Call on family memebrs that will support you in watching your children or hire your own baby sitter and explain to them that it may be two to four weeks before you can pay them. There are people out there that will help you even a day care will charge you monthly if you want them to. Go back to work and just make your own decisions and if this upsets your husband tell him he refused to work with you on the matter so you decided to take matters into your own hands and do something about the unhappiness. Be strong, you have a right to make household decision and what kind of food you'd like to buy especially if your prepairing it. You are not a locked up dog you are a human being, a wife and a mother. Your children seeing what is going on is only teaching them that it's o.k. not to work, that it's o.k. to put up with it, that it's o.k. to treate their wife or hausband like that and that controlling and manipulating others is a way you get through life. Good luck & Stand your ground! This marriage and all no others are not a one way street and he should treate you as if you opinions and decisions are equally just as important as his are.

Answer 3

You have to take this a step further, i mean if you have already tried talking to him again. What you can do is, tell him again, i know you have done it before, but talk to him again about how much this is hurting you. You should let him know even you are an individual who needs to be able to participate in some decisions, who needs to have some freedom. I advice you take your job back, and you pay for a babysitter from the money YOU earn. You have to be assertive, and if he still does not listen to you, stop cooking, stop talking to him or being around him. Pretend you dont care what is happenning in his life never listen to his frustrations. Show him your anger everyday, and he will have to change himself. I hope you get the idea here, yea am suggessting a bit of drama, but trust me some men need it sometimes cos some men are too stubborn.

Answer 4

And why wouldn't you be unhappy... you are looking down the pike at no life of your own....of no hobbies, no interests, no outside stimulation, and no fulfillment.... You have allowed this guy to sell off 20 years of the best most energetic decades of your entire life. And no one ever told you that being a stay at home mom could be such a trap, did they? And you are allowing it to happen. You have every right to claim back some of your time for yourself.... be it to go back to school for training, getting a job, being with your friends, and doing something else beside babysit and cook. Your husband, hon, is a control freak, and if you allow it to continue, you like it.

Yes you can get a job... farm the kids out until you have a paycheck,---make some deals with your neighbors or your girlfriends, or your family.... anything.... go back to school. Tell the guy to stuff it, and do it, babe. Take control of your life. If he thinks it's a deal buster, get into counseling, even if you go alone... Demand respect, hon. You're getting treated like hired help ---- with no pay. And no, don't suck it up. If you want more in your life, get it. Kids do fine in various atmospheres... yours will too,

Answer 5

oh wow that is not a good situation... your husband has to realize this marriage is a partnership, not something for him to control...

can you get help from your family with babysitting while you look for work?

He is taking advantage of the fact he has the upper-hand because you depend on him for money. This is awful!!

take a look at this:

http://drphil.com/shows/show/666/

read the story titled "Cashless and Confined". Have him read it with you and see if he "gets it"

you can even ask him for the two of you to attend marital counseling. I certainly hope after reading that that he will get it...

if not, he doesn't want to change and you are only going to get more and more miserable.

if you can't find any family to help you, maybe you can try to find a job online? I can't think of the company name right now but if you contact me through my Yahoo Answers profile, I will try and find out for you... a former co-worker was doing it and she answered calls for Dominos Pizza to make some extra money.

Answer 6

quit being so negative. there are ways to work from home. as far as the shopping thing, that's kinda domineering. i think you guys just need to adjust the program a little. he is all proud of being the breadwinner, so he acts like he has to make all the decisions. making the decision to stay home with the kids is a submissive thing. he now feels like you are soft, and he has you where he wants you. being trapped is a bad thing. if there is no compromise, there is no solution.

Answer 7

When you have kids, it becomes about the kids and not about you. Suck it up. You picked this guy to be their dad. If they are happy, then you need to shut up and go along with it. Their happiness comes way before yours. After they are 18, then you can do what you want. Until then, it's about them. As a mother, you should want to do that for them. Poor you for having to stay home with your kids....you should be happy. Probably a lot of moms would love to be able to do that. Try being grateful for something.

Answer 8

Try talking to him or going to marriage counseling. If that doesn't work and you are still miserable, then a divorce might be in order. An unhappy wife will make an unhappy mother.

Answer 9

That's a lame reason to divorce your husband. It makes me sad that people look at marriage nowadays so frivilously. You two are having a butting of the heads presently. He hasn't cheated. He doesn't beat you up. What you've said is not a reason to divorce your man.

I don't know. Tell him that you're considering working again because you don't have any say so in the financial aspects of the household and see what he says.

Answer 10

I would find something that would allow me to work from home. This is actucally what I do, I make more than my husband, who makes quite a bit actually, and I work less hours. Shop around, you will be suprised.