I have posted here before. I have been married for just under three months. Some things that happened before our wedding (which turned out to be nothing) pushed me into a cycle of insecurity with my husband. I have actually been seeing a counsellor to deal with my issues. I have been careful not to over-burden my husband with my paranoia...but he's picked up on it...he knows that i have snooped on him. He's trying to be super supportive but I can tell he's freaked out. I want to do everything I can to re-assure him that I'll get past this... but after we have a conversation about what I'm feeling I can tell he gets scared and starts to shut me out a little. Anyone have any advice for how I can put his mind at ease?
2007-08-14 03:36:55 · 13 answers · asked by Sally Ann 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
how can you put his mind at ease?
sounds like you need to put your mind at ease!
be aware - you will drive him away if you continue.
2007-08-14 04:14:41 · answer #1 · answered by Cornell is Hot! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you proved to him that you do not Trust him. If he loved you enough to marry you, forget what happened before the marriage. It is history. It doesn't matter. What happens after the marriage does. Forget your insecurity! He loves you. He never would have married you otherwise. He made a lifetime commitment to you and you made one to him.
If there is no Trust, there is no relationship.
Never bring up the problem with him again. It doesn't do any good and it was before marriage. So, get on with your marriage and just love him as much as you can. He will pick up on your change of heart and you will both do fine.
2007-08-14 10:47:49 · answer #2 · answered by Judy F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you love him and that you just need him to be understanding right now. As for you, I think most people get insecure from time to time. Something that personally helps me is this: I tell myself if my man cheats on me, there is nothing I can do about it, if he is going to cheat, he is going to cheat. Driving myself crazy and insecure won't stop him from being unfaithful. If it ever came the day that he did cheat, he would have to get the he!! out of our home end of story. otherwise be happy, love and trust each other. Enjoy what you have, and don't ruin it with insecrity.
2007-08-14 10:48:54 · answer #3 · answered by angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that continuing your counseling and learning some coping skills when it comes to your paranoia might be helpful
perhaps discussing some of your sessions with your husband might help him to understand more, if he's still willing to listen. even though he seems to shut you out, he's probably being a typical man and "digesting" what you've said and thinking about it.
men are problem solvers for the most part, and sometimes they seem to drift off when they are actually thinking about issues...
he's probably dealing with all of this in his own way, too.
take care.
2007-08-14 10:45:36 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not well for you to do this to him or to yourself. Kudos for going to counseling but you need to learn how to deal with this outside of the counselors office. You want the best in your marriage, then make it happen, hanging on to things is more detramental than you think. How would you feel if you were in his place? What would you want him to say or do for you? That is the question. Continuing this insecurity is going to push him away. Don't do that.
2007-08-14 11:04:20 · answer #5 · answered by EspysMom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question is why are you freaking out if the things turned out to be nothing. I think you should be asking your counsellor what you can do to put his mind at ease, not us...
2007-08-14 10:49:21 · answer #6 · answered by Steven's Mommy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lighten up. You need to change the way you think and to quit being so insecure. Read books on being optimistic and positive thinking. You will find you are much happier and will be more secure.
There is nothing your husband can do to change the way you think. That is all on you!
2007-08-14 10:42:56 · answer #7 · answered by Willie J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hard to give advice without knowing what you guys have an issue with. if these issues turned out to be nothing, i have to wonder why you still have insecurity issues, or if you really feel these issues weren't nothing at all, but were something to be contended with. what is it that you are grappling with to prevent you from getting past this if you yourself say that the past issues were nothing?
2007-08-14 11:05:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can one live life this way? You or your husband. Are things really that bad to where you need to make his and your life miserable?
2007-08-14 10:42:04 · answer #9 · answered by ron-D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him hes stuck with you forever so not to worry youll have a lifetime to get over a little streak of paranoia!! gl
2007-08-14 10:41:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋