When should I make a new relationship if I have 10 months old?

Question

I have separated from my husband and have 10 months old daughter. At the moment my emotions are all ovet the place and I think I dont know what I want.

At the same time I feel like I am free now (I initiated split up) and I want to meet new people. I would have no problem getting new man, but feel its too early to get into another long term relationship.

Also, I dont want my daughter to suffer and if I started serious relationship now, I can tell that she wouldnt even notice, but I am not ready.

I think I should wait a year or two, but how would she take it then? A new man in her life?

I am young and dont want to stop seeing guys, but then what about my baby?

Any ideas what is the best age for child to get new dad, so it is most naturall and stress free? (Living with her father would be stresfull, although he does love her and wants to be together, but we just argue all the time)

We have been married for 5 yrs and we have always been arguing. I tried my best and dont see how it will work. I really do think its in my daughters interests not to live with him and witness such relationship. He would be mush more loving and caring to both of us, if he we are separate.

and yes u r right, I do feel lonely right now and want a company. When I feel lonely I can let my husband back into my life, but then its all over again and that is what I am trying to avoid.

Answer 1

honey i have been divorced from my husband of 11 years for almost a year now. our marriage was rocky to say the least. together we have 2 children (11 & 2 ). listen to me now, DO NOT RUSH INTO ANYTHING!! trust your gut. if you are not sure then wait. almost immediately after my ex left i rushed right out and started dating, and dating, and dating. my head was a mess, my heart was a mess but like you i was celebrating my freedom. BIG MISTAKE!! emotionally you are not ready for dating. you may think you are, but you aren't. now, almost a year later, i finally feel that i've healed emotionally, spiritually and mentally, and am ready to move on. you are young, so take your time and be patient. when you are sure you are ready to date then by all means start dating, just don't take every guy you meet around your child. when you find the right guy, whether it be in 6 months or 6 years introduce him slowly to your child. just like it will be with you their relationship is one that will grow over time. if he is good to you, and good to your child then your child will adjust just fine, no matter what their age is. children want their parents to be happy.

also, i'm not sure of the nature of your split, but you need to be certain this relationship is over. don't do anything that might jeapordize reconciling with your husband. for the last year my ex and i went back and forth and i really think we could've worked it out if we hadn't been in such a hurry to move on. i'd say a year or so is about right before really moving on. i wish you luck. be smart and safe out there!!

Answer 2

Sweetheart, what you have to realize is that child will and love and respect you as long as you teach and show it the same it I think it is excellent that you consider your child feeling first and just knowing that you feel that way I do believe that you will make wise choices
1.) Your child does not need to know who you are dating if you are just dating that is a big NO NO
2.) Don't think with such long term thought because you probably end up settling instead of searching for the qualities that you are looking for to be divorced so quickly you may have settled the first time around
3.) There is no certain time limit you should wait to start dating again you will know when your ready just don't rush out because you are lonely start to learn who you are and build from there because when you are confident everything else will fall into place I know you may be lonely start to do thing like go out to movies, dinner, etc.
4.) When you do start dating make sure to be careful write down license plates #, phone # , name and give to a friend or family member cause people are crazy these days lol
Enjoy dating don't rush into anything serious cause then you would probably be settling for a subsitution instead of a soulmate
5.) Reinvent yourself it's all about you and your baby
Follow these steps and you should be alright

P.S. When you are ready to date much sure that they are he is showing you a good time and not inviting you over to his house if he start off house bound most likely that's the way he'll stay and all us ladies that ain't no fun lol

Answer 3

You say you and your husband argue all the time so have you considered marriage councilling?? Alot of issues can be fixed. Staying with the childs father is almost always the best for the child. If you have tried everything and still can't make it work then and only than should you consider moving on. Otherwise you'll end up aruing with a new guy and it will just be a vicious cycle and that is what will mess up your child. So my advice would be try marriage councilling. It takes two for a marrige to work and almost always two for it to fail. The worst that could happen is you two still will end up divorced but at least you know you tried and you'll learn things about yourself and grow to be able to deal with new relationships.

Answer 4

You must feel lonely now that you are on your own. You need company. If you feel it is too early to get into another relationship, then don't rush it.
It is good that you are thinking about your 10mth old daughter even though she is too young to know, but you have your needs too. Learn from the experience and I hope you find a partner soon too.

Answer 5

Go ahead and explore different options (meaning relationships) just keep it basic. Explain that you have a child and you really want to take things slow and make sure that things are going to genuinely work out before you get in too deep and your child gets too involved. Moving slow will help the lonely feeling and protect your child.

Answer 6

I started a new realtionship when my second was 7 months old. Me and thier dad had been 'bad' for a long time.
just go out and have some fun with friends.... dont go out looking for it and do not think you are finding a new dad... your little one has a dad...,.
Dont think about anything being serious, alot of men are put off by hildren, sadly especially one so young...
Just get used to being single and a mum on her own.
I now live with my boyfriend and my kids adore him,,,, its been harder for the 7 year old to adjust than the 2 year old but I have NEVER tried to replace thier dad.
Just slow down and enjoy your daughterxxx

Answer 7

You should not introduce a man to your child until the relationship becomes serious. Even then, you need to make sure your daughter doesn't feel threatened.

The mistake your making is looking for a "new dad" for your child. It appears she has a dad who cares for her. That's an important relationship that you need to encourage.

Basically you need to move slowly in order to protect yourself and your child.

Answer 8

Well it depends on how long you and your ex husband were married..my own opinion is that in a marriage there need to be arguments..so that you would learn from your mistakes..so that your marriage would go stronger...i believe that if you made your vows at the alter you ought to keep your promises you made infront of God ,ur friends and family...but than i think it's too early for you to get attached to someone else......

Answer 9

Be a grown up and stop being co-dependent and worry about what's best for your daughter. You have your whole life to lay up with a man. If you think you want to party and be "free," let your daughter stay with father for a bit while you sow your oats.

Answer 10

Go back to your husband and try harder to work things out. Go to counseling. I suggest counseling always for people who get stuck into ways of thinking that do not move forwward to things working correctly.

The best time to introduce your child to a new daddy is never. God back to her old daddy and work harder.

Also, many women experience hormonal imbalances during and after childbirth which can seriously affect emotions. Go to your gynecologist and talk to him. Then go to counseling.