first love is back on the scene, what should i do?

Question

Hi, my first love contacted me yesterday through facebook after 7 years without hearing from her. Im married now and have been for the past 18 months, the marriage has gone pretty well so far but ive never had that smae feeling for her as i did my first love (childhood sweetheart of 4 years).

Question is what so i do?, do i keep contact with my first love in the hope that we could just be good friends or would this be dangerous?

Its really strange for me as some of the old feelings come crashing back when i think of her, should i keep contact with her or should i look for some kind of closure?

what do you guys think? do you still habour feelings for your first loves and if so is this natural so long after we stopped seeing each other?

Answer 1

U answered your own question "some of the old feelings came crashing back".... That's just it. you're re-living feelings from the past when you associate with her. Problem is, those feelings are also related to the time and not now.

Answer 2

Ok i really don't think you should freak out what you felt for your first love is something that no one else can replace or take the place of. I honestly don't think that you should persue the relationship even if your just looking for closure you never know what the other person has in mind. I mean is she really worth risking your marriage over? The way i see it the past is the past your not with her for a reason don't open up old wounds and out of respect for your wife just pretend she never contacted you. I honestly don't think that you could ever be friends with someone that you had really strong feelings over specially your first love. I think you know what you have to do but you just need to hear it from someone else. Just leave it alone you have a new life now and it would be a shame to end your marriage so soon over a girl that you have no future with.

Answer 3

I think you need to realize what you have now before you lose it to something that didn't work out before and most likely won't work out now. She was your first love so of course there will most likely always be some sort of emotion attached to her but that does not mean that we should fall back on the past and give up everything that we have now for it because I promise you, you will most likely land up feeling incredibly disappointed. You should not leave your wife for her and you should definitely not be crazy or stupid enough to put temptation in your face by trying to be her friend. You say that you never felt the way that you do with your wife as you did or do for her but the fact of the matter is that you are most likely enduring the whole 'the grass is greener on the other side' syndrome and that your emotions feel so intense only on the basis that they can't be vented out the way you would like them to be. I bet you money that you would later one day come to feel the same about your wife if you left her for this other chick with the only difference being that it that there won't be any second chances to regain what you once had. So to sum this all up, be grateful for what you have, stop communication and looking back at was and start focusing and working on what is and what will be with your wife before you land up alone and with more regret then you could ever possibly feel over some chick you loved 7 years ago...

Answer 4

Speaking from experience... it's difficult to let go of your first love, especially if there is no closure from the first time the relationship ended. I waited for my first love for two years while he was in Iraq only to find out that he wasn't in love with me. Then feelings resurfaced once I was dating my boyfriend (now husband) a year later. Your first love is naturally going to feel different than any other love you will ever experience. What I did when I was faced with this challenge was ask myself a few questions.

A) Is there anyway I could ever just be friends with this person?

B) How does my spouse really feel about this?

C) Would I be hurt by my spouse if he/she were in the same situation?

D) Is it worth the pain that could potentially cause to keep in contact with this person?

If answer those questions truthfully then you will have the answer you need. Remember, it's okay to want to relive a great part of your life, but also keep in mind the lifes that this will affect. Don't forget to think about your feelings and how this is going to hurt or help you. Good luck, I hope this helps!

Answer 5

I think there is no harm in keeping contact with your first love as long as you both know your boundries. It could be dangerous but if she is mature enough she will see that your happy and she will not want to disturb that. Dont let your past feelings come an bite u in the butt-ul regret it. You will end up in the cheater catagory and it aint nice. Your 1st love mite feel the same-in which case you are safe but if she has the same thoughts as you, it could end up badly.

Jus make sure you each know your boundries and STICK TO THEM. Just remember you broke up for a reason and rmemeber that people change quickly and she m,ay not even be the same kind of girl anymore.

Personally, i think the past should stay as the past. You can have the memories of the past and not spoil them. Things never stay the same and neither do people.

Good Luck and stay a perfect husband.

Answer 6

I think everyone harbors huge feelings for their first love. It was the first one, the most innocent. There is a reason things didn't work out in your relationship, probably because you all were so young. I know a man who married a woman and on his wedding day he wished it were the one who was his first love. 10 years after they married, no kids, the first love contacted him, he left his wife a couple of months later to be with her, they have been together for 15 years and have a family. I don't know what I would do, my first love died....I would probably punch him if he showed up now after all these years of thinking he was dead LOL....I believe that you should always follow your heart, it will never steer you wrong. I am sorry that you are going through this. Life is short. Look at your wife, try to imagine life without her, if you are devastated by this thought....then you belong with her......I wouldn't want my husband to be with me if he loved someone else more, that would hurt more than if he left.

Answer 7

If you don't want closure and want to explore things with the first girlfriend, then go straight home, divorce your wife and go for your old chick. Shocked? Good.

If you're not willing to do that, then keep her at a very far distance, or break off contact all together *especially* since you say you are having feelings for her.

Why did you marry in the first place if you're still hung up on your ex? That - quite frankly (and no offense) - was dumb.

What's the attraction with your wife? What are the problems? Why are you looking for something else? You have to examine your heart here and find out why you are thinking about straying from your marriage. That is - if you confront it - what you are proposing. Don't wuss out with your feelings and tip-toe around the topic. This is serious stuff.

Here's what I would do: don't wait for closure - make your own closure. Write back and say something like - "Hey great to hear from you - I'm doing great with my brilliant sexy stunningly awesome WIFE and our life together is so happy - What are you up to?" Then just forget to write back. Or don't even respond in the first place.

Then go home and remind yourself of all the things you love about your spouse. Why she's hot. Why you married her. What you love about her. Fall in love with her all over again, every single day. Do something nice for her. Appreciate her. Tell her what you find most attractive about her. Love her - like a verb - I mean - *actively* love her. Write her a little note saying, "you're the sexiest thing since high-heels" and leave it in her purse. Go all out. Be surprising. Be wild. Be passionate. Do this, - like crazy - for 2 weeks, and after that if you're not asking yourself, "What was that chick's name who emailed me? Oh who cares!" then I'll eat liver.

Answer 8

Your feelings for that woman are perfectly natural. But that doesn't make it right !!! Think for a moment and compare the devastation you will cause your dear wife with the pleasure of knotting with that woman.
I have been there and I am glad my wife won. Trust me on this.... your hormones are at fault. Not love. You have responsibilities now towards the woman you married. I am a divorce lawyer and I see time after time the "reasons" people base their divorce petitions on. "Don't love him/her anymore" normally means I fancy another instead. The best advice I can give you is this---> ask yourself DO I LOVE MY WIFE OR NOT !!! If the answer is however marginally yes, then CONFIDE IN YOUR WIFE. Tell her that the other woman is... hmmm... distracting you. See your wife's reaction. If she acts devastated, AND YOUR HEART MELTS FOR HER, then you have the right answer it is YOUR WIFE you should stay with. If on the other hand your wife acts as though she agrees your relationship is dying its death, then GO TO THAT OTHER WOMAN and... well confide in her. that is how I did it. I got the answer, believe me. I realised I could NOT live without my wife.

Answer 9

Are you kidding yourself? You know that you would not be able to 'just be friends' with her. If you try and take that path you are only asking for one thing. Look at your wife and ask yourself if she deserves to be deceived like that. Even if you were able to stay friends with her and not let anything happen with your ex, you know that the thought of it will never be far from your mind.
Congratulate yourself for making the commitment of marriage (forsaking all others and all that) and continue to honour that commitment, like a real man.

I'm not saying that there will not be other people that you meet throughout your marriage that you may become good friends with and care about, but on this occasion, the feelings she arouses in you should tell you "don't even go there!"

Answer 10

I met my first love again after not seeing him for years. I was so in love with him and had kept love letters that he had sent me while we were at uni. I had thought about him so many times when things weren't going well for me. When we met again, I was married and had the same thoughts and feelings as you. Happily married, but in the daily grind of life, he seemed like a knight in shining armour, back to rescue me from the dullness. He wasn't! Turned out I remembered all the great things about our relationship and had forgotton all the reasons why we split. Remember your first love, by all means, but my advice is, what's in the past should stay in the past. Concentrate on your marriage. It is unlikely that you could have a platonic relationship with this person and in the process you could ruin some of the memories you have. Good luck!

Answer 11

STAY CLEAR!! your married. The thing is a first love will always have an edge on any followers, because it usually hurt more an it was a new experience etc etc etc please please just say no life is for movin forward not backwards an everythin happened for a reason right i mean if you were mant to be with the first one you would never have broken up for all these years an youu would never have married your wife. Your wife is your true love... A wife is for life an exes are meant to prepare you for that just keep lovin yourwife, an tell yourself all the bad things about your ex and all the good things about your wife remember why you married her and not your ex