Wife will not give me sex.?

Question

How long do I have to wait for her to give in. It has been 3 months since I have had sex with my wife. I understood after we had our 2nd child that she may not want to do it for a while but my boy is now 20 months old. Why do women cut us off like this. We never had a problem B4 we had kids, to tell you the truth it almost got sickning because she was so hor*y all the time. And don't tell me to help around the house more. I do all the cooking, half of the cleaning and do my fair share with the kids so she can have some down time. Even after our first kid we never really got into a rhythm, and she is 4. I have talked to her about it and I guess I am not getting through, she says she will try harder but it all stays the same!

Answer 1

I have heard this from my husband too at times. Kids do throw a wrench into our lives from time to time. It's a big adjustment from 1 to 2 kids. And I have to ask the possibility that she may be suffering from depression....A very touchy subject to bring up if your wife and you have not considered it. She may not even know it - it can sneak up on you with the lack of sleep and all....3 months is a long time....

I have 3 kids 8 and under and I swear I am still tired all the time. My husband also works out of the area too most of the week so it's like polar opposites when he shows up Friday night. He's ready to get it on all the time and I am on let down mode from being on "mommy alert" 3-4 days 'round the clock. I do realize that I have to make it a priority for myself too and we make time for it.

Let me also add that now there's this layer of pressure on her to have sex. I am not saying that you did anything wrong by bringing your issue up -- what I'm saying now is that she has added this her "list" of chores to do. And that pressure is awful for a woman and it does supress our arousal even more.

So with that said, I hope you (at the right time and VERY discreetly) bring up the discussion. Another thing to do is to get some sex toys and make it all about her arousal and orgasm. I am saying dim the lights, give a massage, bring out some new things to please her and don't even attempt to make it about you (penetrating her -- unless she asks for it). Maybe it's time to make some new discoveries on what it takes for her to climax. As most mothers do, we just push this way down doing for others and forgetting how to please ourselves. Maybe if you do this a few times for her it will awaken and remind her of how good it all feels and she will want you to be an integral part of it too.

Good luck. Hang in there!!!!

Answer 2

I have a very similar problem with my wife. I like what Braelynsmommy said. We have been married for 34 years. It has been 21 years since the second and last child was born. Sex after delivery was never a problem. Sex during child raising was not really a problem either. But sex after menopause starts has been non existent. Her sex drive was never very strong, but it has been non existent for the past 3 years. I have been seriously considering going elsewhere. I even wonder if she would care all that much if it was not for her pride. She has told me to get a mistress, but I keep thinking she is not serious. I wonder if I should take her up on that. I recently was contacted by a women my age who was a childhood friend and is interested in a permanent mistress type arrangement, but not sure what to do.

Just be comforted knowing a lot of us suffer with wives who change from sexual partners to room mates and tune out our sexual needs. Stop with the housework, unless you get sex in trade first.

Answer 3

Maybe since having kids she doesn't feel as sexy. Women "cut guys off like this" because we have a lot of other things on our minds even when were not doing household chores. You two need to find a happy medium. Like one day a month you each get a day where your partner does whatever you want whether thats in the bedroom ( for you ) or being pampered (for her) If that works you can have "wish day" more often. The main thing is you sit down and discuss what you both need to make it work. good luck

Answer 4

I know what you are going through. Before my wife had our child, she was always horny. We had sex at least 5 times a week. After she gave birth, that seemed to disappear. The doctors said that hormones in the body change during pregnancy and after giving birth. They said it could take up to a year to return to the way they were before pregnancy. Another thing is that she is so into being a mom that she doesn't seem to have much time for us. Since we had our baby last November, we have had sex a total of 5 times. She says that the sex feels different than before she had the baby. I am hoping in time it will return to normal. I really hope so because using my hand is not as fun.

Answer 5

Is she on birth control? Being on the pill can really lower a woman's sex drive. If she will try it, you can get something called Argin-Max at GNC that helps. Also, try romancing her. Hold her hand during the day, rub her back, bring her flowers. For most women, sex isn't just physical. A woman wants to feel an emotional connection with her husband. Compliment her, tell her how much you love her, etc. Maybe you could get a babysitter and take her out on a date.

Answer 6

I don't know what it is about kids. They do kill it though. I have split custody of my daughter, during the summer my husbands kids spend a week here each month. During the times that all of the kids are here, neither one of us seem too involved in that part of our lives. Seems like everytime we do that one of the 5 catches us, it doesn't matter if it is 3:00 am or at noon. We have both wondered about it. We are glad we have alot of down time.

Answer 7

She must be bored with you or something cause me & my husband have 3 kids & I still get it on with him @ least 2-3 times a week.The only thing I can say is try talking 2 her & see if u can find out what the problem is>

Answer 8

I really don't know what to say; for me it has been 38 years and she still doesn't want to. No!; don't shoot yourself or anything. For the sake of your children you must be a good father. I have found that it is necessary to develop a hobby or second job that keeps one busy; also you do not want to indicate in any way to your wife that it bothers you or anything. Don't worry, be happy. If you are lucky then this will bother her and she will think you are up to something, as women hate it when we men are happy and unconcerned. It means we aren't completely pussy whipped and something is wrong with that, it drives them nuts when we slip from their control. After a time has passed you may have to find some female companionship; but if you do you will discover that all women think alike and grass has to be mowed no matter where it grows. Women are self-serving creatures and find it hard to care for others; they are also better at communicating. I sometimes think it was a mistake to let them vote and sit at the front of the bus and yadda. I have raised six daughters, half adopted and half biological, and they have warped my thinking process. They are really dangerous, predatory, unpredictable, unfathonamble, and they march to their own drummer (who is chained to his drum I am sure). Turn your thoughts outward; my best wishes go out to you.

Answer 9

You might as well forget the sex. She isnt' interested in saving your marriage. She only thinks about herself and doesn't care about your feelings or she would change after you talked to her.

Start sleeping in a different room and get some porn. Stay around for your kids so you can be with them everyday instead of only every other weekend. Don't cheat cause then it's a bad example for your kids and she'll divorce you saying it's all your fault and take you for half of everything.

I'd stop helping out around the house too. If it doesn't get you anything by being nice to her so she can have down time, then why do it.

Answer 10

Sorry to say, but her breeding days are over....The women answerers have some valid issues but now she has two full time very demanding needy reminders of what she did that will last a lifetime. This isn't EVERY woman but ask any married man if this common.