I've been in an unhappy marriage for 7+ years. Is it time to call it quits or would god want me to stay unhappy. I do not forsee happiness in our future. It's so stressful and I want out, but I'm afraid I am going to disappoint God.
2007-08-14 01:27:51 · 15 answers · asked by jamie_0778 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I do not agree with any of these answers, while I do agree with you wanting to leave and be happy - as I am in the same situation you are. But if you look at you bible carefully it says that God is not worried about your happiness here on earth, he wants to teach you to grow in him and sometimes he wiill put things in your path forcing you to lean on him and look to him for guidance perhaps thta is what you should do.
2007-08-14 02:00:53 · answer #1 · answered by Chris W 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
"For better or for worse, till death do us part"
I know people are going to flame that but you are asking for a "Christian" opinion. When you married, you said these vows. You were supposed to mean them. Which means, there are days, weeks, months, years, that you are going to be up and he'll be down, so therefore you have to pick him up, and when you are down vice versa, if he doesn't do his part, then you will have to be the stronger one and carry his load until he sees this and starts to catch on. Biblically, the only cause for divorce is through adultery. BUT. if you forgive him, then you can't... People, women and men, both have partners that either do not pull their weight or do worse by them: abuse, affairs, steal, cheat, neglect, but follow through with what they believe in and stay together and pray that the other will come around. Others crap out at the first sign of trouble.
IMO, say hello to the "Seven Year Itch." My advice, talk, talk, talk and all the while, pray. If you are a church goer, go more often, if he is too, go more often. Start getting videos about the roles of wifes and husbands according to the Bible. You may have a few eye openers.
Also, are their children involved? Seven years will children say around 1-6 years old no matter whether its one or six of them can cause major changes that were unexpected that can cause stress, again, this is sacrifice on your part and the husband and lack of self reward. (If you know many women that are church goers well, when things get tough, they'll joke and say "Our reward is in heaven" LOL)
But as far as disappointing God, that pretty hard to do. Much harder than any realize. If a thief can be promised to go to heaven hanging next to Jesus on the cross, anything is possible.
But as we know, Church and State and two separate entities. It's up to you what you choose. Do you give up when times are tough? Or do you do as you said during your vows?
Either way, Good Luck and God Bless.
2007-08-14 08:49:48 · answer #2 · answered by avengress 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, analyse the factors affecting your unhappiness. Are you doing your part as a wife? Or you are expecting much from him? A good marriage is both parties have to work for it. Especially in the Western countries where there is equal rights. Before you do something talk with your husband about your marriage telling him your likes, dislikes, expectations. Thus you are helping him to see your need, he might not know what is inside you. If it does not work then ask your pastor to come over to your house with the presence of your husband to discuss your marriage. The presence of a third party may help save your marriage. Remember your vows during your wedding. " For better or for worst till death though us part".
2007-08-14 09:14:43 · answer #3 · answered by Buggy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Christian advise you said? Well, I'm a pastor. Perhaps that makes me qualified enough to attempt an answer.
You do not give much detail as to why you are unhappy. Does he mistreat you? Is he disrespectful and humiliating? Does he drink too much? Is he a womanizer? Is he lazy? Is he a slob? Are you disappointed at what marriage really turned out to be? In any case, it is clear that you have been unhappy for seven years too many. Perhaps since day one?
From the New Testament standpoint, it is impossible not to disappoint God. That's why he came up with this marvelous invention of his called grace. You will find the solution to your problem within the realm of God's grace, and certainly not in the laws and ordinances of your culture, or your particular religious tradition.
Many may come up to you with "for better or for worse", and that kind of crap. Let me tell you, I never ever marry people for "better or for worse", but rather "for better and for the glory of God". You see, that particular expression "for better or for worse" has always sounded to me something like "If it goes better, good for you, but if it goes worse, tough luck, baby". And furthermore, the better always seems to be for the man, while the worse goes for the woman.
And yes, your marriage vows constitute a binding contract. But let me clarify just a couple of details.
First of all, God is the witness to your marriage contract, not a party to it; you and your husband are the parties. And this means unequivocally that the contract is between your husband and you, not between God and you, as many would make it seem.
As with any contract, neither party is bound to comply if the other party has violated it. Simply put, noncompliance with the contract renders it invalid. Has your husband in any way violated his vows to you? You see, the contract is equally binding to you both, even though culture generally has it that marriage is more binding toward the woman, and less binding toward the man.
And never mind adultery. That's what most people focus their attention on, totally oblivious of the other vows, which are as binding as faithfulness, such as loving you, and respecting you, and treasuring you, and caring for you, and looking after your well-being, etc. Think about it. He promised all that to you. Has he complied?
Look for the solution within the grace and the love of God, in earnest, relentless prayer, and stop considering the possibility of disappointing him. God is more concerned about loving than about being disappointed. Most probably, God's true guidance will be absolutely unrelated to tradition or religion. Believe me.
2007-08-14 14:12:19 · answer #4 · answered by Santiago R 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Deep in your heart you know that God would never want to see you unhappy. He trusts you to follow your heart that is why you are faced with this dilemma. Make yourself happy, attend your church and thank God for making you strong enough to walk away from an unhappy situation. You may be helping your husband out too in the long run by walking away. Surely if you are unhappy he is as well and there is someone out there for the both of you that will make your days brighter. God has chosen you to be the strong one in this and letting you lead the way for both of you to be happier in life.
Good luck & God bless. Stay strong!
2007-08-14 08:37:59 · answer #5 · answered by dixie_n_pixie 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Could be you are going through the 7 year itch. Unless there is physical abuse or adultery the remedy could be counseling.
Try to remember the days you were dating, set aside time for just the two of you. Have fun TOGETHER. Do not take each other for granted, but work together. If you can survive this period, your marriage will be stronger and more fulfilling. The answer lies within, not outside the marriage.
Good luck
2007-08-14 10:44:35 · answer #6 · answered by Travis McGee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would go to the elders of my church and talk with them. They will help you in your decision and lead you in the right direction. There you may find a resolution and know what to do and give you advice on your marriage.Being a christian you already know how powerful prayer and being with Gods people can be. God knows your heart and he will not put anything more on you than you can take. He knows your situation and the outcome of your relationship already. If your husband refuses to change his ways God will make peace in your heart to walk away from your husband if you have to.Take care and best wishes to you always.
2007-08-14 08:57:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
God does not want his children to be unhappy. If you have done everything that you could do to try and work the problems, he understands if you have to take the next step. God Bless you!!
2007-08-14 08:54:57 · answer #8 · answered by frawlicious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is there a reason that will let you get divorce..other wise if your just unhappy for lack of attention or things changing..prayer can change anything...but if he cheated on you ...you can leave..i dont know whats going on..i could give you better if i knew what happen...um but base off of that...god wont punish you..he loves you ..no matter what we do he loves us....if your not happy then and you have tried everything..then you can make that desicion to leave....but dont ever feel that god is going to strike you down like that ..he not that type of god....he loves us
2007-08-14 08:45:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
God is a forgiving God and he sees your situation. He sees that you have tried to make it work but your husband doesn't want to make it work. God wants his children to be happy he has something better in store for you. You just have to hit a few bumps in the road before you see what he has for you.
2007-08-14 08:37:11 · answer #10 · answered by MZ. Latina 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋