How can I make my husband see we are growing apart?

Question

I have been married 20+ years, through good times and bad. During the last few years as the children go off, he no longer seems interested in me. I am attractive and in better shape than him. I have tried talking to him about getting a hobby or doing a sport together. He says "yes,yes" but never follows through. And sex...just when I figure we can really enjoy time alone together, he seems no longer interested in sex... although he still looks at men's magazines and has some X-rated DVD's. I find myself flirting with other men for the attention I want from my husband, I know it is wrong, but I have felt undesireable for a while... and unloved for longer. What can I do? Or does it seem he is no longer interested in me? I am not ready for the Old People's Home yet!

Answer 1

you need to be open and honest with him you need to be nice and truthful about this. if you don't then i will cause big problems in a relationship. or are you yourself having issues. take a step back and look at yours two relationship. is there things that you can change to make it better maybe he does see that there are problems if you don't have time for each other then it causes problems in a relationship. talking is very good for a relationship. take a day and make it just about you two. it works. i had to do this myself. work and kids and chores just caught up with the best of us and we forgot about us. so now we take time for us. and it has rekindle us. wine and dine him, make him feel special and he will get the hint. and return the favor. maybe he needs the reassuring that you also need but is afraid to say anything. good luck and remember to talk its the best thing for a relationship.

Answer 2

Throw out his men mags and girly DVD's, stop flirting. Turn off the TV and radio, and force him to start talking to you because nothing else is going on. If he doesnt want to talk, you do the talking. If runs away, then argue with him, sometimes a fire up over something will get the brain and mouth flowing on a guy. If not, then only you know what will work, and if it wont, then I'm sorry. But to not try something first and drastic would be a shame. The empty nest syndrome has a hard time on some to hit the reset button. So remove all distractions and start talking, A LOT. Don't expect over night, week, month rituals, dont suggest anything to him either, just talk and talk a lot.

P.S. Read "sandydarlin011"'s answer, i feel its spot on!

Answer 3

First, Be honest and open with him. Us men are not mind readers. If he does not know you feel this way he cannot attempt to correct it. If this is the case, be wise when you start being open. If he seems shocked, be understanding and give him time to digest the new information. This may not be the case in your situation but I believe that a lot of women expect their husbands to know things such as this without them saying anything about.
Once is fully aware of what is going on, then you can see if he is going to make some changes. Don’t be surprised if he may want you to change something also. Relationships are all about compromise. Don’t throw 20 years of marriage in the toilette just because your in a low spot. Work together to fix it. I just try to imagine what it must take to last 20 years in marriage and it blows my mind! I hope I can look back one day in about 16 years and see it from that side!

Answer 4

It's tongue in cheek called a mid life crisis. I bet, if we asked him to air his thoughts on marraige, it'd probably sound similar to yours. The truth is, you've been a team a long time but there comes a time when you need to fly solo. Find an activity that gets you out of the house doing something you want to do and that time he can use to pursue his interests. Look, even if you only spend half an hour a day together (besides sleeping), you need to make that quality time. My partner and I used to sit and have a coffe together every night after work and we'd tell each other about our day.
As for sex and without trying to sound sleazy, have a look at his porn and she what takes his fancy. It might be something like sexy lingerie that amuses him, buy similar and surprise him. Or take the initiative, surprise him while he's showering. Greet him at the door naked, use your imagination. I'm sure you know how to be sexy. Tease him if that'll work, flirt with him.

Answer 5

He may be going through a mid life crisis.
But that doesnt make YOU feel any better.
Their is nothing worse than feeling undesired by your partner.
Rejection sucks in any form, but that is the worst form when it comes from a lover.
You begin to second guess your own actions, and your physical being, or at the very worst, if they are interested in another.
20 years is a long time.
Have you tried medication, or therapy?
Sorry you are going through this, I know it sucks, but DONT look elsewhere. Jumping the gun may make things worse in the long run. Be patient, and work on it.
Good luck

Answer 6

Well, maybe you'll have to go it alone and hopefully he'll get the picture and become more involved. Is there anything that he likes doing other than what you've mentioned? Do you ever go out to dinner? A movie? Maybe try to rekindle some of what attracted you two in the first place. Don't settle for the OFH - you got more vigor and va-voom than that! Just keep strutting your stuff and maybe some of his friends will get through to him.

Another thing is maybe involve another couple to suggest the double dating thing. When he sees another guy involved, that might prompt him also.

Answer 7

Try talking it out. Sit down with him and adress your concerns in a calm manner and try as best you can not to sound accusitory or definsive. See what he has to say about it and then work from there. Try harder to get him to do stuff with you take up a sport such as golf or tennis something that you can do together and see if that helps. Maybe buy some sexy undergarments and see if that get's the sparks going. If all else fails suggest marriage counciling to him and see where that goes.

Good luck and I hope you get what you need out of the relationships soon.

Answer 8

Sorry, sounds extremely unhappy. in the journey that your husband isn't an analogous guy or woman, likely Iraq messed him up. He could could seek for some expert help. despite if the militia could grant this for him, in case you love him-the help could come from you. to no longer point out that i could elevate the issue very delicately!! He could somewhat have some harm carried out via the conflict...attempt to be sympathetic of this. i understand your thoughts are important too, you additionally can earnings on counseling. See whats attainable. you're able to have a brilliant gamble-you purely could could artwork on it. each marriage needs artwork, ordinary. some purely want distinctive varieties. stable success!

Answer 9

nothing is wrong, you both love each other but attraction has reduced.
its just a normal problem which many have.
when your attraction for your man reduces then such things come up. may be you need a desperate vacation, only 2 of you. sex is also important, but more important is to reduce the loneliness you both are feeling . spend more time with him
best luck
daya

Answer 10

Just come out and tell him; if you spend most of the time hinting at it, chances are he'll get TOO much of the message and leave you.....

......idk about married couples alot, but all I know is that a lot of them aren't what they're like when they first met. Talk to you girl friends about their relationships and if this happened to them, to try and see their opinion and what you can do to try and rekindle the relationship