How would you feel if your husband did this...?

Question

Well my hubby cleaned out our family car and while he was doing so he found a mans tie that did not belong to him under the passenger seat (he doesn't wear ties). He of course questioned me and I had no idea how that tie got in the car!! He kept asking if I've had a man in the car and I kept telling him NO because that was the truth!! He acted as if he didn't believe me and then didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. At that point I had had a 24 hour migrain and I was throwing up...16 weeks pregnant. I kept throwing the tie away and he kept pulling it back out of the garbage. I got hurt and pissed and then realized who the tie belonged to but still had no friggin idea how it got in to MY car!!!!! I never said I knew who it belonged to because then he would have assumed I had slept with the dude regardless of what the truth was. This drug into the next day and he still didn't believe I had no idea how it got in our car...I was very hurt! I would never cheat on my hubby (cont)

and for him to imply that I did made me not want to look or talk to him and then cry which made him think I did something wrong. It was just no winning!!! He told me to look at it in a different perspective...saying what if I found a pair of stockings under the seat because that was liek the same. I said no it isn't! I mean stockings are under garments and ties go ontop of clothes!! I would want to kill him if I found something like that...but if I asked him and he told me he didn't know how anything like that got in the car then I would let it go if I knew he wasn't lying. (it's easy to tell when the man lies!)
I just want to know how that would make someone else feel? Did I over react or did he? Thanks!!

I am just as curious as my husband as to how that tie got in my car. I would tell him who it belongs to but it would only make matters worse seeing as how it is a co-workers and my hubby knows I had a one night stand with him 3 years ago (this was a year and a half before i met my hubby). I am fully boggled by this. THAT GUY WAS NEVER IN MY CAR AND YET HIS DAMN TIE WAS UNDER THE SEAT. All I can think is someone is tryign to mess with me. The guy it belongs to...we have not spoken about the incident 3 years ago...everything is strickly work between us especially since now he has become my boss (wasn't 3 years ago). I just don't know. My hubby brings it up at least once every day and it makes me more and more mad!

Answer 1

Hmmmm, If you know that you did not cheat, maybe it was placed there on purpose. I would look into that. I would also tell my husband that I did not cheat on him and if you know who the tie belongs to, maybe he can go with you and figure out how it got there, I know I would be upset if he didn't truust me. A tie is different than stockings. Good Luck to you!!

Answer 2

Now I am totally curious how the tie got in your car in the first place!

Here's my take on it............. your husband is letting himself get all butt hurt about this and there isn't a lot you can do at this moment. You've explained that you were unaware about the tie in your car, right? I am assuming you've never cheated before............. so maybe your husband is just looking for things to get twisted up over, you know?

Since you know WHO it belongs to... you might figure out on your own how it got in the car. You probably won't be able to prove it to your husband, since he's going to want to keep being petty about this, but at least you'll know the truth.

I can see where he might have some questions....... but if he can't believe you when you say that its an innocent thing, than I am afraid I cant help but question how strong your relationship is. Your spouse is your partner, and yes,.... some are cheaters.... but I would rather err on the side of being naive and would rather believe my wife than to think she's a cheater. Especially with a baby coming.

Answer 3

Evidently the tie does not belong to a family member. Since you are innocent you should take your husband and the tie and meet with the owner. In front of your husband ask the man if it is his tie and you found it in your car, hopefully he will provide the answer.

You should not have kept throwing the tie out, that was childish. Hang the tie in a prominent place until the mystery is solved.

You all are stressed by the new arrival.

You are right stockings are not like ties.

Answer 4

Find out for certain and then drag his butt into the place where this guy is and give him his tie and then have your husband ask how the tie got in there, while he's on idiot mode, take the car and drive home. :)

j/k. Hopefully the fact that you are willing to bring him to resolve the case of the tie may calm him down, after that, start asking him why he can't let it go, maybe it's perhaps he's been doing something that you should know about?

THe sad part is divorce is affairs are a dime a dozen. He does have a right to be suspicious whether you agree or not. I understand the difficulty of the barrrage of accusations. But again I will repeat what I said before. If he doesnt trust you, there may be a reason why... turn the tables and see whats going on on his side... also did his parents divorce due to an affair? Lose a girl in the past from an affair? Something is triggering him and he is convinced that he is being duped... Keep bugging him and for yourself, if you are truly innocent, be innocent and try to control your anxiety over this, to him, its an add on of the guilt in his eyes.

Answer 5

That's a tough one. All you can do is what you have been doing and and tell the truth, but you also have to look at this from his point of view too. What if you found a piece of women's clothing in the car? Would you be so ready to believe him when he said he doesn't know how it got there, or would you think in the back of your mind that he does know and doesn't want to tell you.
That's a tough spot. The only solution I know is if you know who's tie it is, call them and ask them how it ended up in the car. Maybe he and your husband went somewhere together and he took it off and it went under the seat and he forget to get it. I would start there to try to solve the mystery.

Added:
I think both of your reactions are appropriate really. He's right about the stockings. They are similar to a tie. You don't have to undress to take them off. Underwear are undergarments. You would have to remove the stockings to get the under wear off (if wearing any) the same as having to take the tie off to get a shirt off. He probably wants to believe you, but he's just having a hard time wrapping his mind around it. The only way this will get solved is to call the owner of the tie.

Answer 6

Marriage should be built on trust, sure your husband had every right to be suspicious but after you told him you knew nothing about it he should have believed you - the same goes if you found stockings in his car. I would believe my hubby because I trust him. It's not fair of him to accuse you like this when you are 16 weeks pregnant, you don't need the stress, just tell him you know who's tie it is but you still have no idea how it got there and then tell him to ask the guy himself if he wants to know. Don't take any sh*t, you're pregnant and you don't need this stress. Good luck.

Answer 7

Hubby is scared to death. Finding women's underwear in his car would probably feel about the same to you.

He loves you. He doesn't want to be a fool. A guy's time in his wife's car is a big deal. He will not let it rest until it makes sense and he feels secure again.

Tell him who'd tie it is. Tell him you are willing to take a lie detector test to prove you have not cheated, are not cheating and would not cheat. If you know when and how the tie got there, then get it over with and say so.

Don't try to play victim here. Anyone in your husband's shoes would be equally disbelieving and equally upset. Put yourself in his shoes.

I wish you the best. Congrats on your baby.

Answer 8

What has happen to trust in a marriage? Something simple turns into such a big arguement? I am with you wondering why he didn't believe you. If you cleaned your toilet and left the lid up, would he suspect a man was there in your house? That happened to me! Marriage has lost the idea of trusting your spouse. I would be upset, also, because when you are not believed and are telling the truth, it makes you want to lie the next time just to avoid an arguement. He should have believed you till he could have proved it otherwise. Trust is important in a marriage and if you don't have it, it's going to be hard for a marriage to survive.

Answer 9

I agree with him telling you you would have wondered the same. If you know who the tie belongs to then do as the other person on ere said. Take the tie to that person and ask why it was under your front seat and do this in front of your husband. Don't over react, put yourself in his place.

Answer 10

It sounds pretty recent. Give him time. Of course he overreacted, but so did you -- but you are pregnant and pregnant women overreact.

Give him a chance to come to the realization about what happened.

Also, if you know who the tie belongs to, contact them and ask how it ended up in your car. Explain the problem you are having. If that person is a friend of yours & your spouses, they may be able to explain when they lost the tie -- and why it would have been in your car.