unless they don't accept any boyfriend no matter what. they will not have it any other way and they are totally hostile with whomever they consider below their rank. their attitude has affected me also and i think it makes me ruin my personal relationships. I don't know how to deal with that.
2007-08-13 23:46:09 · 20 answers · asked by sarah kay 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
nothing has changed since my epiphany. but when all your friends/ family/ social circle is like that you feel some pressure and I suppose you can understand that. I 'm sticking to my values but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
2007-08-14 01:26:21 · update #1
You and your parents are both right in that there are things to consider on either side of this story.
You have to be open to the possibility that you are choosing men for reasons other than compatibility. Only you can know if you are choosing bad boys or guys that contrast your parents views just to rebel. (don't build a life out of rebellion - choose a life style and live it)
Your parents may very well have some snobby attitudes but there may be some truth to what they say. If you have been raised with a certain standard of living, there will be many things that you will assume in a relationship that may not be compatible with a guy of lesser income/status.
Take it from a guy who married a girl from money. There is nothing wrong with money or the good management of it, but there are innate habits that you will have that your man may not understand. You may expect vacations in Mexico or Europe and he may be thinking a tent on a nearby lake. You may expect a half a million dollar house and he might be happy in a tiny ranch... These discrepancies can ruin a good relationship.
As an example, my father-in-law was a genius with money. Even when things were tight, he could find the money to buy nice things, let the women get fancy, expensive hair cuts... etc. Many people don't do those things even when the going is good. It was appalling to me to spend 200+ dollars on a haircut and perm... but she was used to having more than I expected. Well, I finally bought a nice little ranch house and upped our vehicles slightly and was the only one working... 80+ hours many weeks... she still expected me to make a way for her to have certain things... things I would have assumed a person would go get for themselves... but I was expected to provide them. I thought... if you want a 300 dollar hair cut, go get a job and AFTER you pay for half the bills, do what you want with the money left over... she does not share my views and we are nearly on the brink of divorce...
Be very careful that the lifestyle you expect will be there... and that your man can actually accomplish these things.
I have yet to see a woman be OK with less than what she was raised in as an environment unless she is devoutly religious and a very giving person... and even then the assumptions are remarkable! That does not mean women are bad. It just means that you have to be aware of what you want.
Sit down and ask your parents to clearly voice their concerns and voice some of your own. Don't hesitate to tell them they are acting like snobs and you don't want to be that... but listen very carefully to WHY they are saying what they are saying. I bet there is much more concern for your wellbeing than you would ever guess... some people are just poor communicators but have a good heart.
KelleyAnne said it best!
2007-08-14 00:14:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are over the age of eighteen in the USA you choose the one you marry. This is not an Islamist country where the men force their daughters to marry the one they demand, you know.
You don't give enough information to help you, really. How old are you? How does your father treat your mother, etc...?
What do YOU want to do with your life? Have you gotten your degree yet? Are YOU prepared to go out into the world on your own? Perhaps it is time for you to consider YOUR lifes ambitions and dreams. Sometimes parents who regret what they did when they were young also try to run an adult daughters life.
To stop all of this nonsense, the easiet thing to do is to get your education as quickly as possible and then move out of your home when YOU are ready and it doesn't necessarily have to be as a married woman. You CAN go out into the world and if money is all important to you then YOU can make your own.
2007-08-14 08:11:58 · answer #2 · answered by jokerthefreak1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wise young woman once asked, "When you understand that your folks are full of mistakes, but you accept them as such and decide to cut your losses and proceed with your own values and way of thinking, to obtain what you want out of your life, without seeking validation from your family or emotional support, it that the definition of maturity /adulthood?"
The answer to that was, yes, it is an important step into adulthood. You would do well to follow this person's point of view and follow your own values. Follow your own way of thinking. Do not worry about seeking validation from your parents. Marry who you want to marry.
OK, yes, I know it was you who asked the above question. What has changed since you realized this about maturity? Sometimes these epiphanies are hard to hold onto, aren't they? This was a good one, though. So follow through on following your own values and don't let your parents control you!
2007-08-14 08:15:30 · answer #3 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish I could trade places with you. I want to marry for money to help my family pay the bills. I'm willing to give up my happiness if it means to see my family happy. I'm already thinking of selling everything I have, drop out of collage, and get a part time job to pay the bills. Wish I was in your shoes right now. Everything will be paid off, mom and finally enjoy retirement, dad can still work until his heart contents, and I'm willing to live in a loveless marriage in order to make that happened. I wish you luck and all I can say is follow your heart. I'm sure you'll know what the right thing to is and I'm sure you'll not only made your family happy but you most of all.
2013-09-30 18:12:57 · answer #4 · answered by Rongtu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down with your family and explain to them how you feel. Let's say that you do marry a guy that is well off, what if he starts being abusive? Would your parents really want you in that type of situation just because the guy happens to have alot of money. Your happiness should be the most important thing to them and not how much money a guy may or may not have.
2007-08-14 06:58:57 · answer #5 · answered by bluemysti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
See a therapist. Money doesn't buy happiness. Family IS important, but you need to find a way to make them understand that your like is YOUR life. A therapist will be able to help you either work through your issues to become independent, or to deal with the restrictions your parents have placed on you - depending on what YOU want.
2007-08-14 08:03:44 · answer #6 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Money wont make you happy,trust me.I had a big win of $$ some time ago and it caused more harm than good.Only love will give you the happiness you deserve.Yea it might be tempting to be rich but its more often than not a one way ticket to heartbreak.Marry into love,not $$$.When you are rich you will have Friends you never thought you had,when your poor no one gives a damn,but when your in love and happily married ,you wont need money,all the riches in the world are made of love,not $$$
2007-08-14 07:10:40 · answer #7 · answered by nickson faction 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell your family that they will not have to live in a jerky relationship with someone who has money. Tell them you will marry for happiness and compatibility, and if the money comes with it, then that will just be an added bonus. Tell them if they are rude to either you or the one you have chosen, then you will cut off all contact with them. Also, explain that they should not be concerned with whether or not you marry into money, as they will not be enjoying the money, YOU WILL! It's not like they inherit your bank account just because you say "I DO" with a rich guy. If their rude behavior continues, then cut off communication. They will be the losers in the long run.
2007-08-14 07:34:08 · answer #8 · answered by wondering 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your life and the rest of your life, what do you want?
Why do they want you to marry into money?
Is it for their own selfish reasons or because they genuinely care about you and think they know what's best?
If it's the latter then they would probably end up accepting the man you eventually choose because they love you and what makes you happy should make them happy.
Good luck!
2007-08-14 06:57:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're the one who is going to share your life with the man you marry. Even if it will disappoint your parents or family you should do what feels right for you, marry who you fall in love and treats you right. Money is not everything.... and will not keep you happy, I don't want to sound mean or anything but I am being realistic...your parents aren't always going to be there for you and your family is not going to be living with you if you marry, you should make your choices and not have others make them for you.
2007-08-14 06:54:55 · answer #10 · answered by endlessly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋