I need John Howard jokes?

Question

hey does anyone know any good John Howard (Australian Prime Minister) jokes. im having trouble finding some good ones. somewhere that i can find them would be helpful as well. thanks

Answer 1

Here are three Howard jokes I know:

John Howard called Peter Costello into his office one day and said, "Peter I have a great idea! We are going to go all out to win the country voters."
"Good idea PM, how will we go about it?" said Peter.
"Well," said Howard, "we'll get ourselves one of those Driza Bone coats, some RM Williams boots, a stick and an Akubra hat, oh and a Blue Cattle dog. Then we'll really look the part. We'll go to a typical old outback country pub, we'll show we really enjoy the bush."
"Right," said Peter. Days later, all kitted out and with the requisite Blue heeler, they set off from Canberra in a westerly direction. Eventually they arrived at just the place they were looking for and found a typical outback pub. Walked in with the dog and up to the bar.
"G,day mate," said Howard, to the bartender, "two middies of your best beer."
"Good afternoon Prime Minister," said the bartender, "two middies of our best coming up".
Howard and Costello stood leaning on the bar drinking their beer and chatting, nodding now and again to those who came into the bar for a drink. The dog lay quietly at their feet.
All of a sudden, the door from the adjacent bar opened and in came a grizzled old stockman, complete with stockwhip. He walked up to the Cattle dog, lifted it's tail with the whip and looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked back to the other bar. A few moments later, in came another old stockman with his whip. He walked up to the dog, lifted it's tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and went back to the other bar. Over the course of the next hour or so, another four or five stockman came in, lifted the dog's tail and went away looking puzzled.
Eventually, Howard and Costello could stand it no longer and called the Barman over.
"Tell me," said Howard, "why did all those old stockmen come in and look under the dog's tail like that? Is it an old outback custom?"
"Strewth no!" said the barman. "It's just that someone went in and told them that there was a Cattle dog in this bar with two arseholes!"
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and another:
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The Australian Prime Minister, John Howard was in England meeting the Queen at Balmoral. They were discussing Australia and Howard's plans for the future.
Howard asked the queen if it was possible to turn Australia into a Kingdom to increase its force in the world market. The Queen replied, "One needs a King for a Kingdom and you are most certainly not a King."
He then asks if it is possible to turn Australia into an Empire. The Queen replies, "For an Empire one needs an Emperor you are most certainly not an Emperor."
Howard thinks for a moment and then asks if it is possible to turn Australia into a principality. The Queen replies, "For a principality one needs a Prince and you Mr. Howard are certainly not a prince."
The Queen adds further, "Without meaning to be rude Mr. Howard I think Australia should remain as just a country."

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and another:
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John Howard was jogging when he tripped and landed in Lake Burley-Griffen. Three kids were playing on the bank and dragged him out of the water before his bodyguards could get to him. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
I want to go to Disneyland, said the first kid. No problem, said John Howard. I'll take you there on an air force jet.
I want a pair of Nike Air Jordans, said the second kid. No problem, l'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them! said the Prime Minister.
I want a motorised wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo!said the third kid. John Howard was a little perplexed and said, But you don't look like you need a wheelchair.
I friggin will after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning, said the kid.
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Answer 2

John Howard is a big joke to some Australians.

Answer 3

Jesus and John Howard were walking on water in the Goldcoast Broadwater. Jesus sinks and Johny rescues him, they struggle to shore. John asks why did you sink? Jesus replies it is these holes in my feet. Jesus asks to Johny why did you not sink? Johny replies must be my hot air.

Answer 4

hey check any book labelled dirty jokes