Help me Please! my life became meaningless! I'm dying because I became a slave!?

Question

i witness all arguments between my paretns all my life. i hated it. i was suffering because of it and my arguments with my father. i was thinking that it is just temperary and when i find somebody who will love, understand and support me i will make my family and be happy. 2 years ago a met someone like that ( i thought then) who loved me and we got married. just a month later his 2 uncles died and he started to insult me by saying that i am a bad luck! he made my be always nice with his parents while he was ignoring mine and didn't let me see them often.whenever i say something it becames a huge argument and his parents start feeling bad which makes him to yell on me that if something happens to them he will make me and my parents pay for that. Sometimes when he is angry he beats me. i live for my baby only. i want to leave him but i can. he won't let me. besides i don't want to seperate my baby from her father. help me. what should i do or say to deal with this situation.

Answer 1

You say you live for your baby. Do you want your baby growing up and watching his/her daddy treating his/her mom like that? No father is better than a father like that. You don't want you baby growing up to be a spouse beater. Sometimes it takes more drastic measures than just going to the police. If he truly won't let you leave, then maybe its time to think about just one point of focus: getting out. Gather together as much cash as you can, borrow from as many people as you can. Don't tell anyone where you're going. Only tell VERY TRUSTED friends who will NEVER tell your abusive husband that you are getting out. Call an abuse hotline, tell them the situation, and that its a matter of your life. Tell them that you need a way out, a way he can not find you. These people can help.
Then go.
And never go back.
Don't let him find you. Its better that a child grow up without a father, than know that his father beat his mother. Or even be beaten by his father.
Good Luck.
Please. Call the hotline.

------After reading some more of the comments, i must add something else. Some people are suggesting talking to him, and getting him to open up, or getting to a counselor. DON'T EVEN TRY IT. Men do not normally respond well to the suggestion of a counselor, and as he is already intent on blaming bad things on you, this could end up in a worse beating then you have ever recieved. You are past that point. Your life is at risk as is your child's. GET.OUT. There are people ready and waiting to take you into safety, away from him. To help you and your child grow together, strong and healthy. Once you do get out, change your name, change everything. Don't ever use your emails again, don't use ANYTHING connected with you. Because he will try to find you. Only contact friends after at least six months. Don't tell anyone!

Answer 2

This is going to be hard to accept, but because you lived with the ongoing situation at home growing up...you didn't realize there were similarities in the personality when you met your husband. I can say this after 15 yrs married and several of those in the same position you are in. I didn't leave because I wanted to preserve my family. Then one day my boys' ran to their rooms when their father got home, perceiving he would be in a BAD mood... something clicked and from that pt. I knew it' wasn't just ME putting up, dealing with the emotional abuse. Looking back even there were some physical incidents including my younger son who was more targeted. Something clicked and I knew I had no choice, I didn't know how but seeked the county help. I was fortunate that my ex had a great job so the county made him pay child support. But it comes down to this, he'll get visitation, and you'll feel your handing over your child to an abuser, but after your seperated he may wake up... to realize what' he's done and perhaps he'll be open to counceling. But from what you've said I would worry about his being a stalker and get a restraining order. My ex' --then husband at a mediator visit for the court pretty much put his own "foot in mouth" and awarded a restraining order on the spot. There's a good chance his visitation may be "supervised". You are not doing this to hurt his relationship with his child, YOU ARE SAVInG your child from years of pain and suffering. I put my mom on a pedestal because she' left my father before he' could molest me. She will see that you put her safety first.
Even thru all the heartache, and threats or begging for your return... keep in mind, pray to God that "the truth be known, your not doing this to be selfish, but to save your child"
I know it' isn't an easy decision. It can be very scary. But to start with get copies or all your records together -bank records, marriage licence, health insurance records, any records that he may have broke the law.... it may sound calculating but you will need all this and more. slowly put a little cash away, or if it's immediate take money out -a couple hundred and get into a safe home. This man is a time bomb waiting to explode. And you don't want your child to be the price paid. Only you know this man, I too dreamed each time my former husband was sweet that maybe this time everything will be different, it will work out... but to this day I could never trust that he wouldn't do it all again if I gave him the chance. Life is far from perfect, don't rush into another relationship w/out doing some research. I read books on how to avoid getting into another abusive relationship and yet I deal with some but the difference here is that my current husband was abused in his past, an there'fore we both are learning to trust love. The difference is he' is willing to admit his faults, and work on changing... my former believed he' was perfect, and my role as slave was "perfect the way it is" course it is, it' worked for him.
It comes down to this... YOU DESERVE BETTER. Someone who will cherish you and your daughter.
I'm not positive but I think the author is Robin Norwoods, "Women who love to much" I just found a link that she' wrote a new book, it's been 10 yrs, you'll love this one, but first importance, be careful & safe. hugs, lynn

Answer 3

sweet-heart you have to leave before something worse happens. I mean not leave your marriage but go to a families house and spend a couple of days. I was taught never to divorce, so that's not my place to even bombard your head with that. Did you ever think about counseling baby? Well if you can find in your local yellow-pages the hot-line for domestic violence that would be fantastic. I know your child needs a father, but what are you teaching your child keeping them in a abusive household. you maybe teaching your daughter that, that's what she has to take from a man subconsciously, or your son that he has to beat a women up because that's what his father does. Sweetie I'll pray for you and you pray for yourself too, and i wont forget your husband. You might need to sit and talk to hI'm because every situation starts from somewhere. Therefore im unable to make a judgment on him.

Answer 4

IF you have been a good wife, and he's getting abusive for no good reason - this is the sort of father it is your DUTY to separate your child from.

HOWEVER: If you parents were always fighting it was probably because:

1.) Your father was unreasonable. OR
2.) Your mother was a bad wife.

Or BOTH.

Which means there’s a good chance you picked a husband much like your father, and proceeded to treat him the way your mother would.

With me? I don’t mean to be harsh, but it’s quite likely you don’t know how to pick a man, AND you don’t know how to treat a man.

So, I’m going to recommend two books. READ THEM BOTH.

The first is: THE PROPER CARE AND FEEDING OF HUSBANDS
The second is: 10 STUPID THINGS WOMEN DO TO MESS UP THEIR LIVES.

Read them in the given order.

Book One. How to treat a man. Give it a try. If it doesn’t work, you will have to find a way to move out and move on. Book two, how to pick a man. Don’t walk out of one bad situation into another.

You have my best wishes.

Answer 5

Hi, well, you obviously feel like you are being held under control and are looking for a way to get out of it...Well done, because this is the first step - recognising the problem, next you need to figure out how to deal with it. Why is your husband blaming YOU for what happened? Is he supersticious? He also seems to have issues wiith trust and confidence, do you know of anything in his past to cause him to feel this way? ..I would agree with everyone else though - you need to seek help; once he's hit you, he'll do it again, imagine what kind of mentality your little girl would grow to have if she's a constant witness to that..? I think you should sit him down and lay the line...tell him how he makes you feel, what you are unhappy with and that you need to resolve that, if he wants to save your relationship. Good Luck!

Answer 6

Forget about the drama with his parents and your parents, your only responsibility is to yourself and your child.
There are woman’s shelters where you and your baby will be safe and protected from this man. You need to find the courage to make the move and break free from him because your safety and your baby are in danger.
Don’t wait a day longer. You can leave, you can, believe it.

Answer 7

Get out of that situation quick. As far as not wanting to separate your baby from his father, no child should have to have a father that treats his mother so poorly. You are doing an injustice to your child by letting him see his mother being abused. Run.

Answer 8

When someone loses people they care about, they often try to hide their pain by using anger and getting angry about other things. They try to find someone or something to blame and to be mad at instead of expressing their grief in a healthy way. He is obviously still grieving and upset about what happened. See if you can get him to open up to you about how he's really feeling. Talking to a counselor might also help you get to the bottom of his aggressive actions. If you truly feel like your relationship is past saving, seek support from family and go the police. Domestic violence is never ok.

Answer 9

Seek help and comfort in others.
Even if it is only some stranger on the Internet, at least we can talk and make you feel better

Answer 10

call the police. that's domestic violence. then......seek professional help and try to resolve the situation. good luck