i think i wrote this in 6th or 7th grade...tell me what you think?

Question

FUN
to run about
to scream and shout
to swing and slide
to feel so alive

to play games
with no shame
to scrape your knee
but be filled with glee

to breath fresh air
and let it blow threw your hair
to be warmed by the sun
till the day is done

to fall in the grass
trying to catch the perfect pass
soon you'll find
you'll quickly loose track of time....

WHEN YOUR HAVING FUN


(sorry if i spelled stuff wrong...and sorry if its really bad

Answer 1

It's great!

All my poems were sad when I was that age.

D:

I can imagine the scenes in my mind when I read the poem, and that's what's good about it.

Edit a few words, fix the spelling a bit, and you'll have a great poem.

Much love! :)

Answer 2

Well, here's the thing...you were only in 6th or 7th grade. Most people of that age couldn't care less for poetry...so you've got a good start and don't worry about how good or bad it was. The reality is that you did several things "right". Unlike many who are far older than you, you showed a sense of structure, stanzas with equal lines, an attempt at a constant meter, and a decent ability to rhyme. True, you spelled several words incorrectly, but the way you spelled them would not have been picked up by a 'spell checker' because you spelled the "wrong word" correctly :) For example...you spelled "threw" correctly...but you actually meant "through", that's called a "malapropism"...a big word that means you used the wrong word because it "sounded right". Does it have a lot of "cliches" in it? Sure, but what poem written by a 6th grader doesn't...for that matter, how many 12th grader poems have just as many cliches? Also, you didn't say "u" for "you", or "yall", or "2", etc. You actually gave each word credit for being a word, not just a sound...and in poetry, that's very, very important. So sure, let others say you didn't do this or that right...big deal! You did more right in your little poem that most of the YA folks do in poems far more developed...and you should be proud of that...even though you need to work on the rest of it. The most important thing is that you keep writing and building on what you've learned. READ! get the Norton's Anthology of Poetry and start reading it cover to cover. You'll be able to see how poetry has developed and hear how it's changed over the centuries. Don't worry if you don't understand all the poems or the words...look up the ones you can, but more importantly, "listen" to how they sound, "look" at how they're structured...and learn.

Answer 3

Well I am amazed
I am not sure if I heard of poetry
when I was in grade 6 or 7
This is a wonderful poem you wrote
I didn't notice too many spelling mistakes
or for that matter any.
I will interpret this poem
it talks about having fun while one
is outside.
this is like the poem playgrounds and parks.
I did not too long ago.

Answer 4

Lovely, has some good point on this.
I can see some changes that you could make to make it into a better piece.

Your foundation is good but now take a look at the structure upon which you are building.

Poerty is more then words on a page. Keep working for you have a good start here.

Continue to write and learn.

Answer 5

If you were younger, okay... but generally. It's just a poem. It's just a cliche, drawn out, careless poem that probably took you all of two minutes to write. Zero substance, honestly. I think you'd agree if you read over it again... But work on it. If you enjoy it, writing poetry, you can produce higher quality work. Surely.

Answer 6

don't be sorry! I really liked it.
let me write some in your style...

To fill in the line
With the words so devine,
Smile to the air that fresh
With no signs of cash!

Answer 7

its good unlike many people who rhyme too much but you did it at a point were it doesnt seem that way. wat im tryna say u got the skill too let your poems rhyme and make sense. i kno this cuz i can do the same thing. it must of took awhile to pattern it together. do i make sense.

Answer 8

It's a nice poem, but a little elementary. But hey, you was in elementary when you wrote it

Answer 9

you should remember when you wrote it cuz ur only 13(it says on your user name) any way... isnt that 7th grade?

Answer 10

i like it, its a really good poem.