My partner and I live in different states - although we will be living together. The thing is - last night we were talking and she said to me that all the posters and pictures I've got on my walls are somewhat childish and when we're living together, I won't be able to have all the pictures. I've got about 175, and the majority of them I've had for years and they also hold meaning with me.
The thing is... I'm already 'sacrificing' a great deal for her. I'm moving to another state, leaving behind friends and family, I'm moving into a different workforce because it'll mean more money for us. I'm also allowing her ex-partner, who has mental issues, to remain living with us, be it in a granny flat out the back.
And I ask myself - am I being irrational, getting upset over not being allowed to have my pictures up, or am I sacrificing enough already and should I simply tell her that the pictures are staying? What do you all think?
2007-08-13 18:05:08 · 29 answers · asked by Zarathustra 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I think you should try to comprimise. You are going to be living together, so you should both be comfortable in your home. Talk it out and you maybe you can pick your top ten (or whatever number she's comfortable with) to hang. Maybe framing them will make them look a little more grown up and to her taste.
You should both have equal say in how your home is decorated. When you disagree on something, negotiate. Explain why you want something, especially if there is an emotional significance she may not be aware of.
2007-08-13 18:12:27 · answer #1 · answered by Elaine 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like to me that you are already sacrificing a lot for her. You must really love your partner.
You're leaving your state, your friends and your family. But, think about it this way.
Even if she had said that you could have them, could you really be botheredto put up 175 pictures on the wall, when it would be easier to leave it?
And it is only posters, although, i do understand where you are coming from.
It's not that they're posters, its the fact that you want atleast a tiny, miniscule sense of control, and you want to know that your view counts.
Ask her if you can just have them in one room, or something like that.
Or get some more pictures that are to both your tastes.
Just please don't let anything silly happen, like this erupting into a massive arguement.
Oh and good luck (=
xx
2007-08-14 02:07:29 · answer #2 · answered by Blue Monkey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are being irrational. Seems like you are in fact making a lot of sacrifices. Isn't there a way you could work out a compromise with your partner? I'm not sure exactly what your posters/pictures are of; but I know that when you are decorating a joined living space you need to agree on the decor....and so many posters seems excessive. Maybe have a spare bedroom to display your posters? Either way the ex thing would make me cautious....not so sure if I could go through with it. Mental issues? Did she have them while they were dating? Either way good luck.
2007-08-14 01:14:36 · answer #3 · answered by T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a fem lesbian, I am very particular about what comes in my house and decorates the walls. Even ONE band or movie poster would throw my whole "design" off, and I wouldn't have them in my house at all. Except in a box maybe.
HOWEVER, I think you are giving up way to much for her. If she can't accept your love of posters, maybe you should find someone who can. Is she a lot older than you? Why is her girlfriend still living there? I honestly think that if you weren't giving up so many other things, you'd be less attached to the posters.
I'd talk to her, but not about the posters. She could spin it and make it seem silly. Tell her if you have to get rid of them, then she's got to get rid of the ex. And if not, there are plenty of poster-loving fish in the sea.
2007-08-14 01:41:14 · answer #4 · answered by Candy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are irrational. With all the sacrifices you are doing I think your partner should rightly allow you to have the pictures, specially since you said the picture hold meaning to you. You should have a talk asking her why she doesn't want the pictures, since they hold a sentimental value to you. It's like she doesn't want a part of you. You and your partner may have to agree on the number of pictures you can keep, come up with some kind of agreement.Anyway the decision should be yours wether you want to stay with her or not.
2007-08-14 01:20:54 · answer #5 · answered by mario 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to her...
It is very important that you have a presence in the place you are living. Especially if you are moving into what is "her home" ....
If you cannot get some form of presence there, you will after time just feel like a guest in her home.
Now as for the ex out back in the granny flat... That is a potential for DISASTER... major disaster.
2007-08-14 01:37:03 · answer #6 · answered by Ms Mari` 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, as much as i can understand your ploit... i must mention that you said "are somewhat childish" and that sneds up a few flags to me. i have personally had to sacrifice many things for my relationship, and i would also agree that the pictures would almost seem like a final straw. but lthink about it, this is going to be a home for the two of you to spend time with others, and entertain company. your "somewhat" childish description means that you are in some form ashamed of these pictures, if not in private, in public. since you wouldnt want to be made fun of, or laughed at for these pictures, i would put them in a place where only you and your partner can see them. put at least some up where you can see them every day. but where only you and your partner can
this, to me, seems like a decent comprimise. make it an adult place but dont lose your inner child :) hope this helps
2007-08-14 01:19:58 · answer #7 · answered by Avos_5 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I honestly think it sounds like she doesn't quite realize what she's all asking of you. Sit down with her on the phone and explain to her everything you're going through and sacrificing; just to be with her. Then tell her how some of these posters and pictures mean so much to you. I'm sure she'd understand in that situation.
If she insists you rid yourself of them or the majority, bargain. Your -whole- life shouldn't revolve around one person, as sweet as it may sound, it's not do'able.
2007-08-14 01:14:51 · answer #8 · answered by rykan08 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mabey you two can meet half way. It's going to be your house too and you should be allowed to have some say in how it is decorated. My ex tried to do the same thing to me (I've got a Green Lantern fixation). We agreed on letting me keep a few of my posters up. Good Luck!
2007-08-14 01:10:32 · answer #9 · answered by Zaggy 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
well to some maybe you are for myself i don't think so..i have frames of unicorns and other stuff i have collected over the years and they have sentimental meaning to me..to tell me that i cannot put them up is kind of inconsiderate of my feelings..now i won't say we can't compromise and maybe put my pictures in the extra bedroom but so long as my partner undersands that before there was US it was ME and those small parts of ME are what she should accept wether they go with the decor or not is debatable..
2007-08-14 01:58:39 · answer #10 · answered by Charmer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋