What should I do if my girlfriend has a really bad temper?

Question

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years now. We are very serious about this relationship and plan to someday get married. I dont live with her, and probably won't till I get married. Anyways, half of our arguments end up with her screaming at me, making assumptions and exaggerations of ways I feel about her (ie. "so why don't you just break up with me if you hate me so much??"), and just over stupid ****. I try as much as I can to not yell back, but it is really hard to not yell when she is that upset. She does have a self-esteem problem and is very insecure. But I love her with all my heart. I just want to make life easier for the both of us, especially if she and I get married sometime in the future. I am willing to do whatever it takes to make her temper less of a problem. That is really the only problem I have with her. Everything else in our relationship is great. She just somehow needs to stop over-reacting when we argue about something. How can this stop?

Answer 1

You sound like a great guy.. let her know how you feel.. on a good day ofcourse.. let her know that she shouts and makes assumptions and that you would like to work through that... and that when it happens next time.. that you will bring it to her attention so that she is aware of when she shouts and goes all crazy..

my bf had to tell me the same thing.. and when we argue.. he goes babe... you are shouting ... please lower your voice..... or when I assume.. he brings it to my attention.. by saying that "it is not true.. and you know that.. you are taking it another level..."

basically work through this problem.. it really seems worth it!
best of luck

Answer 2

That is called abuse. She might not be hitting you, but abuse is not just physical. There is verbal and emotional abuse too, and men are not the only ones that are the perpetrators of abuse. If you stick around, it sounds like YOU have the self-esteem problem. Turn it around. If you were a woman and she were a man, what would people say? They would say he is abusive and that you do not deserve that kind of treatment. They would say you have low-self esteem if you stick around. They would say, it might just be yelling now, but who knows when it will escalate into physical violence. Also, if you plan to marry this woman, is this how she will treat your children? It would be a very poor decision to stick around because you are afraid she will get hurt if you leave. She is hurting you now. What about your feelings? What about your self-esteem? If you want to be nice, give her a list of anger management courses (which really don't work) and a list of therapists and tell her "good luck, have a good life."

Answer 3

When she's in a calm mood, approach her and ask her if you can talk to her about something.

Tell her how you feel and ask her if you can work on her temper. Tell her that you love her and when you get married, you can't have her widowing herself. Appeal to her humor if she's in the mood for it. Make your approach softly though and you don't want to make it seem like you're working on HER so much as the relationship itself.

Remember whatever you discuss when she's in that logical state of mind (if she has one) and when she starts to fly off the handle, try to reconnect with that side of her. Back your voice down and make sure you're constantly assessing your emotions and appearance. Stop the conversation from going where it's going and try to again appeal to logic.

When she's level, make an agreement that in that moment, you're both very wise and logical because you're detached from your more furious emotions and that remaining calm and considerate is the only way you're ever going to be able to resolve anything.

Answer 4

She sounds very immature and high maintenance. My ex-wife was like this all the time.

My new wife and I never never never ever fight. We are really happy and it was believe it or not love at 1st sight for both of us.

I didn't believe it until this happened to me. My new wife is a perfect angel and she is actually taking care of me under the desk whilst I write this.

My ex-wife was just like your nutter GF. It will only get worse if she has the temper you say. Worse yet when she finalyl does leave you she'll take your cash as well if your married and blame you for the whole thing.

Run away now.

Answer 5

Thats kind of a tough situation there. It seems like you really love this girl, not "like" Love and you have your whole life planned with her. Well for starters i wouldn't really tell her she has a bad temper, because that would make her even more upset and probably cause an arguement. Maybe suggesting couples therapy to solve the problem, it may cost a lot of money but could solve your problem.

Answer 6

poor girl has self esteem issues and probably doesn't think she deserves you. She probably had an aggressive life with lots of yelling in her home growing up. She needs to go to anger management class and get some self esteem. Get help for her (speak to a counselor) for at least a few sessions to see if they make a difference. You're a good guy for not giving up on her.

Answer 7

I would suggest moving in before you consider marriage because I guarentee you will never walk down that aisle if you do. This is not the sort of thing that will improve it will only get worse and more possessive. she needs to seek out some help for her self esteem issues and you cannot be the one to make her complete she needs to do that. i could promise you this will only get worse from here on out. if you want a lifetime of misery (if you make it that long) pop the question.

Answer 8

There's a book called:

"10 Stupid Things Men do to Mess Up Their Lives"

#1. Stupid Chivalry. Involving yourself with the wrong woman - weak, damaged, needy, stupid, untrustworthy, immature, etc - you think that your love will transform or save her.

..... sound familiar?

Now go do the right thing.

Answer 9

I would first try living with her for at least six months before marrying her. You need to know if you can be in the same room together day in and day out before getting married. Try working it out with her that way. If the yelling continues, leave.

Answer 10

i also have a bad temper... i had to take anger management classes and found out why i get so mad. it turn out that there were things from my past that i pushed out of my mind and didn't want to deal with... i would always push the ones closest to me away. i think b4 the two of you get married it would wise to at least take pre-marriage counseling. i think most of us girls do this .... even if some don't want to admit it. help her understand why she gets so mad and you need to try to understand to ... she feels the things that she gets mad about it important and you need to show that you care and also feel it is important.