my dad is verbally abusive?

Question

Is a pretty happy person. But at night when he drinks, hes just verbally mean.

He says like 'Your a failure' 'I hate you' 'Go back where you came from' 'you should just die' 'wish you were never born'

I told my mom, and she believes me because she saw it happen tonight, and I kind of want to leave the house and have a subsitute place to live. what do you think?

Answer 1

How old are you? Are you old enough and willing to emancipate yourself (i.e. emancipated minor)? Is there somewhere else you can live. Since your mother knows, would she help you move in with relatives or a family friend? I really feel for you. I've been there, so I know how horrible that feels. I moved out at 17 (chose a college that would allow me to move out); got student loans and 2 part-time jobs. Be strong - what you're hearing from him is HIS insecurity and unhappiness with himself and his expectations of himself. He can't deal with his issues, so he drinks and then takes his anger out on the easiest target - the person that can't really fight back. Hang in there and take care of you!

Answer 2

o man... i feel for you... exact same thing happens at my house.. I would never want to move out though... I couldn't... i couldn't leave my Mom and brother, even my Dad for when he's sober....

my mom talks to him and he just says that she's turning us (me and my younger brother) against him and he won't take any of us seriously. he's way cool otherwise but i never feel as though I can bring it up in the morning because I love having him sober and don't want to make him mad... plus I'm not very good at talking to my Dad about stuff like that. we DON'T talk about stuff like that....

just ignore him. realize that's not the way he really feels about you and alcohol is what is doing it. I know my dad loves me and that he's never want that, but sometimes he'll say stuff that hurts and I got to remember that that is not my Dad saying that.

if you absolutely have to say something to him though, tell him when he is drunk. When he is saying hutful things say Dad why do you talk to me like that? (or whatever gets the message across)
they remember more than you think from the night before in the morning. after you've told him at night, the next morning, hold the same attitude towards him and show him that you are unhappy with what went on, and he'll prolly think about it.

I realize how hard it is to bring it up when he's sober too. in my case, that would make him more mad, and worse when he's drunk. I would not video him. Anyone who could do this has more hatred for their father than I could imagine. i know he messes up and all, but I wouldn't have the heart to go that far. Actions speak louder than words. don't talk to him, let it be known that he hurt you without having to say anything. it will save you both humiliation.

if none of this works I am so sorry... and if you find better advice, e-mail me or something cause this is a wonderful question. GL!

one last thing... don't leave unless you have an older brother or sister's house to go to. I would not recommend staying at a friends, even if they are very close. friends don't seem to realize really how you are feeling or what you are dealing with, and thus cannot give you the comfort you need. plus then they'll think every problem of your is related to that.. maybe that doesn't bother you but I hate it when my friends assume everytime I am sad is cause of my Dad.. and I don't want everyone knowin my Dad's a drunk either... so I'd go with family before friends.

Answer 3

Many years ago when I was a small child my dad said much the same to me at times. Usually when he was angry about something or he got fired from his job or just frustrated with life trying to raise 4 children.I still remember some things he would say like "you never will be anything" or "you haven't lived yet" He went to church every Sunday and always would say the rosary. I am sure that at times many peoples have their parents say very condemning thins that are really ridiculous and absurd and mean. I hope you and your mom can make your dad aware that what he does is not acceptable and very abusive and completely uncalled for.Tell your dad to look in the mirror and holler at himself that "Wish you were dead". Because when your dad says that to you he really means himself!! It is easy for people to say "be strong". But the strength must come from a source within you and from the sincere advice of others. We must build our inner strength thru a search for knowledge,love and understanding of ourselves and others and the world around us.

Answer 4

i agree with ee!! No father (or mother) should EVER talk to their kids like that. That is UNACCEPTABLE behavior. If I were in the same room with this activity, they'd probably have a little physical damage when I was done. Get a camcorder and set it up ready to go and when he goes off again, turn that puppy on and get it ALL!!! Make a copy IMMEDIATELY and hide it someplace safe away from the house. Show dear ol' dad how much he loves his little baby girl by giving that to him when EVERYBODY is in the room. Put it in the dvd player and tell him "Daddy, I looked high and low for this gift......and I KNEW it was the one for you. It took me all night to get it ready but here it is". Hit play and sit back and watch the show. not the one on the tv. the one on his face when he sees it, AND the reaction of everyone else!! Good luck sweetheart. On behalf of the male gender, I apologize for the grief you've been taking. we're not ALL like that, and don't do what most little girls do.............go out and fall in live with a boy "just like daddy". You'll end up in the same predicament, only it'll be alot worse.. I assure you. BTW, your mom should be on top of this as well. she has a responsibility to protect you from harm, and THAT my dear............is HARM!!!


P.S. I beg your pardon, Samantha C.?!?!? "ALL dads are that way"????!!!!! ALL???? That's the problem with people who exaggerate. Things get described as "always" or "never", and "everybody", or "ALL"!! I would NEVER talk to my children like that, nor would I allow any OTHER person!!! Next time, engage your brain before letting the clutch out on your mouth (or in this case, your fingers).

Answer 5

Learn from your fathers mistakes. Often girls who grow up around such men marry the same kind. Make sure your future children don't have to have a father like yours and just try to avoid him when he's drinking. Stay in your room or go to a friends house. Write your dad a letter and give it to him when he is sober and in a good mood ask him nicely not to hurt your feelings like that when he drinks and tell him you love him and what a great dad he is before he starts to drink.There are sites on the net for teenagers of alchoholics. look them up and maybe they can help you.

Answer 6

if your dad is an understanting type of guy ask him if he HONESTLY meant anything he said when he was drunk. tell him that your only asking this to save the family from worse pain later if anyone of it was true.
your dad is nothing compared to my parents and i think of leaving the house all the time, but that's just not the type of relationship i want to have with them because i do love them. i don't want to be part of the typical american parent-child relationship where they raise you and you ditch them when u feel you've become an adult. live it out till college when you wont have to depend on them. stay strong and be rational.

Answer 7

tell your mom you are feeling very uncomfortable and ask if you can go to your cuzins for a while.
no, thats not gonna solve anything but maybe your dad is suffering from something he has in his mind and or done something wrong, or sad.
when he is in a good mood, talk to him and ask if anythings wrong,. maybe for the first time he might say "nothing"
but ask again
tell your dad how you feel !!

Answer 8

well if your thinking about running away, dont.
but if your thinking about staying at a friends house for a week, thats fine just make sure you clear it with your mom.
you should talk to your dad when hes sober and tell him he really hurts you verbally when hes drinking, and maybe he should seek help at AA, and try to sober up?

Answer 9

Just know that it takes an extremely insecure person to say those things to their kids. Please don't take it personally. He might be a great person when he's not drinking but thats no excuse. Is your mom going to do anything about it? I think you should get out of that house if there are no drastic changes quickly. You don't deserve it. Please just get out you'll regret it later

Answer 10

Ignore him and be thankful that he's not physically abusive. In the morning when he's sober, explain to him that he hurts your feelings and you wish he would stop. If he keeps doing it, then he's just a jackass.