my dad verbally abusive?

Question

Is a pretty happy person. But at night when he drinks, hes just verbally mean.

He says like 'Your a failure' 'I hate you' 'Go back where you came from' 'you should just die' 'wish you were never born'

I told my mom, and she believes me because she saw it happen tonight, and I kind of want to leave the house and have a subsitute place to live. what do you think?

Answer 1

It's obvious your father has a problem with alcohol. I would suggest first of all to find a local Alanon meeting to go to. They are there for the family of alcoholics and they can be there for you. Not knowing how old you are I don't know what to say about finding a different place to live. If you are 18, then you are old enough to be on your own and I would suggest maybe finding a place of your own. On the other hand, do you have a close relative that you can stay with? I would talk to you mom about this, seriously. Maybe you can both sit him down (when he hasn't been drinking) and explain what is happening and how you feel. Chances are he may not even know he's doing it. Maybe videotape him (without him knowing) and when he's sober show him what's been happening. There's nothing worse than seeing yourself act like a jerk to your own child. If he still feels that he is doing nothing wrong, then he has some even more serious issues and you and your mom should really sit and figure out what to do together. Maybe you should both find a place of your own for awhile, or tell him to get out for awhile until he can get his act together. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 2

I think you should find someone you can talk to about this. Words can hurt worse the a slap across the face. I know this from personal experience. You are NOT a failure.. don't believe what your father says. Your father needs help. AA meetings, or Counseling. If you are still in school, talk to someone there. See if they can suggest some place you can go to get help.

Answer 3

Check out Alanon or Alateen depending on how old you are. They are a free support group for people who are relatives or friends of alcoholics. They have a lot of experience in this and can probably lead you to the right solution.

Also, speak with your clergy (priest, minister) or a counselor. If you are in school still, your school may have a psychologist on staff or a counselor who can help you. If not, call your local Catholic Social Services (you don't have to be Catholic) and they can point you in the direction of affordable counseling if your finances are a worry.

Answer 4

Ohhh believe me i know how u feel..i have a mom who is like that and she doesnt even drink..just dont take what he is saying to heart..u know who u are..and most likely thats just the alcohol talking! As for moving it all depends on how old u are. Talk to people about it get some advice..(friends/family) but whatever u do good luck and i hope everything works out for u in the long run! (i had no where to go..so i had to wait til the morning of my 18th b day and i moved out!)

Answer 5

Remember 4 items -

1) Listening

2) Reasoning

3) Understanding

4) Negotiating

You could try the long-lost art of speaking with your parents concerning your thoughts and feelings.

Choose a time when both parents have absolutely nothing to do. (They can't give excuses, then)

Remember that you might need to give up some of your time for this to happen.

Also, choose an atmosphere which is conducive for discussion, such as a "neutral" room of the house, or perhaps (if the weather is nice), sitting on a blanket in the back yard.

Above all, the atmosphere must be relaxing and no interference, such as TV, other people, music, noisy locations, etc.

The simple trick of communicating is CALMLY (and I mean calmly) discussing with your parents your thoughts, dreams, and hopes. Other subjects could also be included.

Remember the word calmly. It does no good if one raises their voice and tries to control the conversation.

Another trick is listening to their side of the conversation. Don't you dominate the conversation and keep your ears open.

Remember, you asked them for their time, so give them your full attention.

Most conversation ends abruptly because of non-listening.

An item of importance; if one of your parents says something you don't agree with, don't belittle them; instead,

Negotiate and ask them what would be agreeable to them.

(This tends to work wonders - it makes them stop to think, sometimes helping them realize they just might be unreasonable. But keep in mind - they might do this to you, so have some reasonable answers ready.)

Keep the communications open and two-way (or three-way, if both parents are present.)

You'll find that listening, reasoning, understanding, and negotiating are very effective ways of communicating and eventually everybody gets what everybody wants.

It also shows your parents that you are growing up and possibly ready to handle responsibilities.

Answer 6

i feel ya, my dad has said some mean things to me, but he wasn't drunk, well a few times, anyway, u don't need a substitute place to live, and when he is drunk, the best thing u can do is stay away from him, let ur mother deal w/ him, the next morning or when u get a chance to talk to him ask if he really meant the things he said to u, he may not remember but if he does show your feelings and say that u were hurt by what he said and if he really cared he should think of how he hurt ur feelings when he said those things the next time he drinks.

Answer 7

yeah thats verbal abuse. my step dad was verbally abusive way worse then that though! i just stayed at friends house came home and hide out in my room. then moved out the first chance i got. i don't know what to tell you except try to stay away from him while hes drinking. start "going to bed early" go to your room turn off the lights be very very quite and read or play on the computer or something but make him think your asleep almost asap from when he starts drinking. good luck

Answer 8

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that. My dad doesnt drink and he still treats me the same way. Iknow how much it sucks. I don't know what to tell you. How old are you? If you can leave and get a job somewhere and maybe stay with some friends, thats what I would do. Good luck.

Answer 9

that sucks. i have a family member who gets like that when they drink. nothin really to do except realize they have a problem and try not to hold it against them. as far as the other place to live. i would consider it. think about your mom tho. you don't want to end up feeling guilty about always leaving her alone. trust me i know from personal experience. if i were you i would tell him that you cant' deal with him when hes like that and try to get your family out when he acts like that so that he gets the point. maybe stay with a family member or something. i don't know anything else about the situation so thats all i can say. and always remember its not your fault that he acts like that. and that he doesn't mean what he says. sorry again. i always hoped noone else went thru that kind of crap with family.

Answer 10

I know exactly how you feel it happens to me like every week. It's really hard to deal with if its during the day i just leave the house but if its at night i call up when of my friends and go to there house. I'm sorry you have to go through it too. It really sucks.