I'm going through a nasty legal process at the moment, and I would really like to understand what's going on. I'm trying to get away from (someone who is essentially an abusive ex) and I'm still really emotionally connected to him. I don't want to be doing this to him, but I don't have a choice anymore.
And I'd really like an idea of how he might be feeling right now...
So anyone with REAL experiences, either as the person served or a friend/relative of one...?? Please?!
2007-08-13 15:55:26 · 11 answers · asked by Callisto 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He was served with an interim order last night... And I'm not going to contact him. Plus, due to my idiot of a mother, -I- was arrested last night, and he's due to be arrested tonight (and he doesn't know it's coming) so I'm leaving to be sure he can't find me.
As for why I feel sorry for him... I guess I'm just so used to being his "only" support, and of putting him in front of myself, that it's a habit I can't just switch off from. I keep thinking "He'll be at work now" and saying when I'm driving "I'm so sorry, so sorry" over and over. I'm wondering who he can turn to for support, since I was about it, and how he'll feel, and if he'll even connect that it's because of HIM and HIS PROBLEMS that it's all happening. And I'm feeling guilty for not being there for him.
I don't even know why anymore... but I still love him, and I am sorry, I just don't think anyone deserves to be treated this way....
2007-08-13 16:32:25 · update #1
Let's see, I served my husband about three times during the course of our marriage. The first time, he came to my house, broke down the door and put my head through three pains of glass in our kitcen window. The second time he only smashed the glass dining room table and the third time, he did nothing. Each and every time, I had him arrested. Anger was his first reaction, then it was rejection, then it was desparity and then reality. It's a common cycle of an abuser. My husband had to take three anger management classes before he had the "ah ha" moment I was hoping for, and then it took another two years of counseling before any trust was restored. I'm not saying a restraining order is a good thing, but use it when you need it honey and don't think twice about the person receiving it. They are receiving it for a reason. I'm still married to my husband, going on 18 years now. And even though all this happened years ago, if it were to ever happen again, I'd do the same thing. Nobody deserves to be hurt.
Just be careful in what you do, where you go, etc. Either take someone with at all times for awhile, or let someone know where you are going until this thing is resolved.
I wish you luck!
2007-08-13 16:13:11 · answer #1 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An abusive relationship is hard to get out of,I had to completely leave the state,he was everywhere I turned.I wish I would have served him with a restraining order.With you still having that emotional connection to him it will be hard.SERVE HIM it could be your life,just remeber every time he hurt you and be strong you are doing the right thing!!!!
2007-08-13 16:07:08 · answer #2 · answered by luravaughn29 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I apologize for this stupid question. Why do women feel sorry for a jerk who is their abuser? I mean it is painfully obvious that he had no respect for you. Love does not leave a person with a black eye. If leaving him has you defending yourself from physical & emotional assalts. Yes, get the order of protection.
Unfortunely unless you are comitted to leaving him, the order isn't worth the paper it's writen on. If you for any reason seek contact with him out side of the court room, and the athorities find out, they will not honer the order.
2007-08-13 16:28:11 · answer #3 · answered by rlstaehle 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing. Of course your attached you would have to be to let someone hurt you like that. Just take three deep breaths and do whatever you can to pass the time. Rent movies they help to take you out of yourself for a minute. You probly wont be able to process everything right now, just remember this will be a memory someday. And dont give up what youve started Dont call him dont see him.
2007-08-13 16:04:30 · answer #4 · answered by James 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You get a restraining order to protect you. It isn't any good if you aren't willing to protect yourself. You need to make up your mind who you care about more-yourself or him. Because it sounds like he has made it impossible for you to care about both. If he was abusive to you he is probably very angry about the restraining order. Abusive mates are all about control and you have robbed him of feeling like he is in control of the situation. Please remember that restraining orders aren't bullet proof. Find other ways to protect yourself as well, like going with a friend whenever you have to go out.
2007-08-13 16:04:15 · answer #5 · answered by mafiosu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First ask yourself why are you worried about how he feels? If he is abusive to the point that you don't want him around why are you worried about how he feels? If you want him back then be concerned about his feelings, but if you don't stop concerning yourself with something that you cannot change. Evidently his actions caused this scenario so let him take responsibility for his actions and you take responsibility for yours. If it is over let go and stop wondering, if it's not do something to make it right. BETTER BE WISE THOUGH>
2007-08-13 16:06:29 · answer #6 · answered by trilew31 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is abusive, then he should understand why you got the restraining order. You should seek counseling for abused spouses, or you are just going to fall in with another abuser. You need to learn why you are so connected to someone who was abusing you.
2007-08-13 16:05:29 · answer #7 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can you be "emotionally connected" to somebody when you think you need a restraining order to protect yourself from him? You like one of those crazy women who wanted to marry that serial killer Richard Ramirez while he was in prison or something?
2007-08-13 16:13:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think what ur doing is wrong, my wife soon to be ex. is doing the same to me . i would never hurt her or my family .what she is doing using the system and taking all the wrong advice from everyone else.and even after all that has happend between us i still lover her with all my heart.so what I'm trying to say is at the end of the day after its all over ,YOU will have to live with the dissension . nobody else but you! do whats in your heart.
2007-08-13 16:59:46 · answer #9 · answered by michaelpz76 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweet Pea if this is what you have to do to get him to stay away for the time being do it. I mean sometimes you need space to really look over the relationship and this may be the space you both need. Good luck!
2007-08-13 16:04:00 · answer #10 · answered by b n real 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋