What do you do when you have no one who supports you?

Question

And when you try to talk to the ones you think will be there to listen they only criticize you & every one around you. For instance, my son is making some bad decisions about college & marriage at a young age. His dad has given him nothing but hell & my current husband just keeps calling him an idiot! My youngest son has a condition called encopresis, which would take a lot to explain, but basically he poops his pants several times a day because this condition causes you to loose control over your bowels. I've taken him to dr after dr & have talked to 2 specialists, but am having no luck yet! It's a very complex problem with a long treatment for recovery. Sometimes his pants are so full that he literally has to crawl to the bathroom & I have to clean him off in the tub because it's so much! I want to home school him until I get him "cured," but also have no support for that! I am the one who sees how embarrassed my son is when it happens! I am the one who cleans him!

I am the one who takes him to the doctors and tries all the treatments, which are not easy for me nor my son. No one else has even taken the time to look into the condition or learn about it! Throwing him into school for all the kids to tease him about the smell (which is very foul because it is old backed up bowel) I would have to go up to the school to change him daily or let the nurse do it, if she is even willing to do that? Even if I had the dr write a note to let him go to the bathroom as many times as needed to change himself, how could he even concentrate enough to learn anything. He knows that people will notice that he has changed his clothes & I don't want him ending up with psychological problems from this! My mom is passed away, who was always supportive of my decisions! My husband and mother-in-law are against me! I don't really have any friends! I am only trying to be a good mom & do what's best! Where can I turn for some support? I feel so alone in everythin

I know this may sound silly to you, but I feel so bad for my son! He knows what's going on & that we all don't agree & I can tell he's starting to feel bad about it! So unfair for him! I feel so bad that tears are falling on my keyboard!!!

Thanks to you all! I was beginning to question whether I was doing the right thing! I will continue to do what I'm sure is right for my son!

Too many really good answers here that I'm going to have to let it go to community for voting!!! Thank you all SOOOOO MUCH!!!

Answer 1

Wow I am at a lose for words which is rare for me. All I can offer is a hug as a friend I know it's not much but it is all I can do.

Answer 2

You know once I felt like I had no support, but what I realized is that I needed to change my thinking process and understand that everyone (even family) will not feel the same as I do about things (no matter how serious or upsetting), so I first started studying the Bible to strengthen me, mentally, emotionally and even physically. I would look in the back of the Bible in the concordance and find a word for how I feel and read the scriptures and more studying just developed from there. Also, begin to pray for your son's situation as well as your own. Don't try to be holy just explain it to God like you did in this email and ask Him to touch those around you to be supportive in the way that you needed them to be. For a while don't ask anyone for help or complain just do what you have to and take care of your son, self and talk to God, this will clear your mind so you can become strong enough to make wise decisions. As for your son that's getting married all you can do is talk to him with love and respect. Take him out to lunch one day and tell him how much you love him and talk to him, share some of your experiences with him. If I am not mistaken it sounds like your family doesn't communicate very much. Remember this;
PEOPLE CRITICIZE WHAT THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND AND ARE AFRAID OF WHAT THEY CANNOT CONTROL. Try Jesus, trust me He's there.

Answer 3

Sweet Pea my dear sweet pea. You are most definitely doing the right thing. My heart goes out to you. As I was reading this tears fell from my eyes because I feel your pain. I will most definitely keep you in my prayers. You are a strong woman and don't you ever think that you are not. The father and mother in law don't understand because they don't have to do it. I want to encourage you to keep on keeping on. No matter what anyone say's you are what is called MOTHER OF LOVE. I pray that the Dr.'s will find answer for you soon. Your son needs you and God placed him in your life because he is special. I promise you if you hold on God will bless you with all that you need to take care of your son and your family. You keep your head up and no matter what God is always watching and one day you will be blessed abundantly. God bless you!

Answer 4

go to emofree.com to help your son with his condition. It will take a lot of reading to get it but when you do EFT will work wonders. Your college age son is probably being an idiot, we all are at that age, don't worry about it. Just tell your husband you are sick of hearing it from him, we all go through it. All you can do is love love love. Bless you for the hard job you do cleaning up your son, he is lucky to have a mom like you.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry to here what your going thru. For your youngest son, have you tried depends? Maybe you can get support from someone at church, or at the Drs., you would think there is some kind of social service program to help for you. Like a respite program. God Bless you.....Dianne

Answer 6

you poor thing.im so sorry about all of that. your new husband needs a butt kickin. but anyways im going to tell you something and trust me on it and go DO IT!! im into the natrual stuff. i have read about it and eveything and i have heard real people talk to me about there problems and that they went to a helistic doctor and it cured them when the norm. doctors couldnt. i have a friend wwho had a stomache cancer and she was going to doctor after doctor and no one could figure out what was wrong with her. finally they found a doctor andd he wanted to TRY somthing to see if it would work. it was a metal thing she would have to wear for the rest of her life. she said NOWAY. she was taking 23 meds. a day and she was very very sick. she finally went to a helistic doctor which is a real doctor they know everrything like a nor. doctor and know all natural stuff but they stick with the natural stuff. anways they had her take a few cleanes and gave her stuff and with in a year she was CURED!!! TRUE STORY!! try them i promis they will help. you here about the meds that doctors give you and they always have side affects and they can kill people and everything. the natural stuff doesnt. its what god gave us. oh my friend is totally off all her meds. she doesnt take anything anymore. she is all cured. please try it. i want so bad to help people and let them know that there is something out there and that there hopes isnt up.

Answer 7

You are his Mother !
You do whatever you have to do to support him and be there for "him".
If I were you, I would say to hell with everyone else, you are going to do whatever it is that will make life easier on your son.
And I agree with home-school.
Him going to school with this condition, is only going to cause him more stress.
Check into Cyber School, I don't know where you live, but that's what I'm doing for my son this year.
That way he can do it all from home and it won't affect his grades either.
How can he do good in school, feeling like that?

It doesn't matter if you have support, you are your son's "only" means of support.
So do right by him, to hell with everyone else ;)

Answer 8

Good lord. You know, some people just suffer in silence.

Maybe thats why some people become Christians? You can always figure that Jesus loves you even when everyone else in your life treats you bad.

Well...my problems are sure less than this. Sorry I'm of no help other than maybe there is a better life for you someday...

Answer 9

Girl, i am so sorry your going through all of this....i know how it feels to have so much stress in your life and you feel no one understands and you try to talk to family or friends about it and they criticize you, i know how you feel girl, it sucks big time...like, my son, he has ADHD, my hubby constantly doesnt' 'understand why he does the things he does, and i'm like why don't you study on it like i do and you'd understand more, and i'll try talking to him about it and stuff and he's like there is nothing wrong with him he just needs a good butt whooping, everyone i talk to about this says ADD is just a label something they made up ....it is a actual promblem....argh.......i feel i have no one to talk to about this, so i know girl, just hang in there and you can email me anytime....get a myspace page so we can chat.....and be strong for your childrens sake, they need someone that supports them and thats what your doing so keep it up and they'll thank you later.....

Answer 10

I had a friend who went through ops alone even though she was from close knit family had so many friends and partner.
She did it alone for 3 years and she couldnt walk during this time imagine that but she was strong came through it out stronger and raring to go.Today her family friends partner are shocked surprised since shes a new person and respect and realise she did it on her own.Woman generally are stronger in spirit emotionally mentally then men ever can be.All i can say as my friend said is you got to keep going be strong get through it there will be bad and good days you will be alone but you got to keep going being strong get through it.My friend had noone even to get her home from hospital she got a taxi for herself your sons are lucky to have a mother like you.God bless you.