Ok, I need opinions!!!?

Question

First I will start by saying I am in a very happy marriage, I have no problem with what I am about to ask, I love my husband and I know he loves me. So here it goes.

Recently I have been getting some "comments" about my husband's parenting skills from my family. He works out of town 5 days a week and is home on weekends. He works his a** off to take care of his family. When he comes home he is exhausted from working 18 hours a day, so he is always tired. We have an 8 month old baby a 10yr old and an 8yr old. I am a stay at home mom and take care of the kids all the time. so when he is home he does not have the energy to play with the kids or to help take care of them. This being the problem with my family. they say he does not spend enough time with the kids. I understand he is tired from working and needs to come home and relax but my family thinks he should do more.

He helps out with cooking when he is here and laundry etc.. once he has had time to sleep. Is this ok?

Keep in mind he works nights when he is away so that is something that makes i harder for him to adapt to our schedules when he has been up form midnight to 3 in the afternoon when he is away. Should I be the one taking care of the kids when he is home or should he pitch in more??

Answer 1

look if he is working that much and taking care of the family financially. It is really hard for him to catch up on sleep, play with the kids and relax for another hard week. I would just tell the family that they have no idea what there talking about or just say.."I'd rather not discuss this" and cancel that conversation out completely. He sounds like a good dude to me.

Answer 2

I have a ten year old, a seven year old and a eight month old. My husband works all the time (day and evenings). I do EVERYTHING, clean, help with homework, do the bills, take off trash, everything. My husband isn't helpful at all and he doesn't even work nights. I think in a way he feels like he provides the money, so I should take care of everything else. Even when I did have a job, I still did EVERYTHING. But here is the thing, Are you happy with the things the way they are? That is of course where you happy before your family put in there two cents? Sounds like your husband provides well , and tries hard and that if it wasn't for your noisy family, you are happy with the way things are going. If that is the case then please don't pay your family any mind. If it helps any,My man never washes clothes and probably wouldn't even know how to turn on the washing machine much less cook a meal LOL. Please don't let your family put anything in your head. The way to get them to stop, is the next time anything is said , very nicely say "I am happy with the way things are going in my family, but Thank you anyway" Sometimes Family isn't always the best ones to discuse relationship issues with. Good Luck!

Answer 3

18 hours a day is a LOT of hours! I work 10 hours minimum and an hour commute each way, giving me 12 hour days. I cannot imagine 18 hours.

I can understand him needing time to rest up. However, for the full weekend? Maybe Saturday to rest up but not the full weekend! If he has the energy to do laundry and help make dinner, then he has the energy to play with the children.
Kids interacting with their father is extremely important to the children. Maybe instead of him helping with dinner, he should go spend quality time with his children and let you make dinner. It does not take two people to cook for a family of four.
I would think Sunday should be a family day out so that the kids can go have some fun and their father enjoy providing this fun to his family. It is relaxing going out with the family for a family day. It is actually less tiring doing something fun compared to sitting around the house all day long.

As for your family. They really should keep their opinion to themself. If you and your husband have open communication and if this bothers you to the point of asking about this, then you need to sit down with your husband and have a serious discussion. Let him know that this is something that you need to talk about and that the discussion is not because of what the family says, that will probably place fuel into a fire that is not lite yet.

All in all... if you are happy, the kids are happy, and your husband is happy, this is none of your family's business and should accept your immediate family decisions.

Answer 4

If your marriage is happy and your children are happy- then tell your family to butt out. You make up your own family unit!!

Now, if kids are begging for Dad or miss him a lot, then come up with ways to incoporate "Daddy time" on the weekends. Have the children keep journals about their week where they can write down what they want to share, stick in a photo or a test they got a good grade on. Then during "Daddy time" they can show Dad their week's news. It will help the children feel like Dad cares and it will make Dad feel like he's involved. You can also make sure you have meals together as a family, and maybe play a family game together so that you can all interact.

Listen- for generations upon generations Dad's were gone from home the majority of the time. Children turned out just fine back then and I'm sure they will now. It sounds like you're an attentive Mom. So, don't worry about everyone else's two-sense.

Answer 5

My situation is very similar. I do all the inside work and everything for the kids. My family also has an issue with this. My husband does not work out of town but he has a highly stressful job that deals with life and death daily and he is on call a lot. I take a lot of lip from my family but in the end i just do what I feel is best for us.

I have to admit it would be nice to have more help with the dishes or the laundry but he probably wouldn't do it to suit me anyway.

Answer 6

I think your marriage is between the two of you and your family needs to be told that. If your relationship with your husband is working for the two of you.. that's all that matters - you are the real witness to what goes on.

However, if you feel he should spend more time with the kids, perhaps let them stay up a little later for a family game night on Sat. night when he's home. Break out the old monopoly set and laugh together.. no real work, just quality family time.

Answer 7

Stop listening to your family. If you are content with the way things are leave them alone. You should be happy that he works to take care of you and the kids.
With that being said.. You and your husband need to figure out a way for him to get a better job. (not more money, but more time off) He will be much happier being able to spend more time with you and the kids.

Answer 8

You, your husband and your children are your family. The rest are now your extended family, and have no say.

My question is, how do they know what he does and doesn't do?

Because if you are the source of this information - perhaps that is what needs to change. I imagine you must get overwhelmed at times taking care of 3 kids full-time every bit as much as he does working full time, so it's natural that you might complain now and then.

Just be sure it's not to your extended fam, or they will feel it's their right to put their opinions in the mix.

Answer 9

God bless the fact that you have a husband that will help at all. You both are doing your share. Your husband works hard to support your family and you work hard taking care of the kids, but you don't really get a break. Why don't you let your family have the kids so that you can get a break.

Answer 10

As long as you are both happy with the way you take care of your household then you shouldn't care what others have to say. Once you got married he becamse your family and you guys have a method of doing things. My family is the same way and thats one of the reasons why I am going through a divorce at the moment. As long as you are both happy and your kids are happy I say let it be. The kids know he loves them and that he works hard to take care of them and you so that you can stay home and take care of them all. Good luck.