popular isnt always pretty?

Question

My hair must be just so,
Clothes, just check the tags,
My reputations everything,
I cant be seen in rags.

Perfection, look no further,
This is why I reign,
Queen bee of my little hive,
All ruled by one brain.

I do not see the way I act,
Speaks of what's ahead,
Ripples turning into waves,
For karma must be fed.

Power can be toxic,
Especially in a clique,
When you're hurting out of pleasure,
Preying on the meek.

Superficial measurements,
Don't speak of what is real,
Unless of course you look inside,
At weakness you conceal.

Yes it's nice to be admired,
Or be part of the pack,
But poplar's not pretty,
When it stabs you in the back.


do you like the poem i wrote ?? 1-10?

Answer 1

APPLAUSE!!!!!!!!!!!! 100 stars!!!! how true! publish this somehow! post it on every middle school/ high school wall in the nation! in large print! you go girl!

Answer 2

I'd say a 6. When I first started the poem I was enjoying being the popular kid but was disappointed to leave the point of view to the moralist. Perhaps continue through all the way in the point of view of the snob clique queen, revelling in her power and position. The moral point should be obvious.

Answer 3

You are really good. Where do you get your talent from? This is great and I enjoyed reading it. You made a great point about popularity not being everything and it's so true. I only wish other people understood that. I definitely want to see more of your writing because it's good. I believe in you as a writer, and I think you can go a long way. Keep your head up and be thankful of the gift God gave you, in writing. Awesome Job!!!

Answer 4

Okay, here are some editing suggestions:
- First stanza, second line, "Clothes?", it's a question
- third line, "reputation's", missing apostrophe
- Second stanza, fouth line, "all ruled by a single brain", or "all ruled by just one brain"...you're missing one beat.
- Third stanza, second line, "speaks of what my lie ahead", missing beat again
- fourth line, sounds weak...maybe, "dear karma" or "old karma" or some other single beat modifier of karma, "for" is just too weak.
- fouth stanza, third line, too many beats, consider trimming to, "hurting out of pleasure"...point still made.
- stanza five, fouth line, seems like you could use a short beat, maybe, "At a weakness.." or "At the weakness...", it adds a beat, but it makes the line less "rhymy"
- stanza six, first line, put a comma after, "yes".
- line two, change "the" to "a", makes it more universal
- line three, "popular"...poplar's a tree :)

Make those changes and you've got yourself a pretty good poem!

keep writing

Answer 5

Im guessing you're nonetheless in school. Darling, dont hardship with regard to the events and all those rubbish acceptable now. Its extra substantial to concentration on your analyze acceptable now. college is the place its at;) haha. you're extraordinarily too! You dont must be narrow, tall and proper to be categorised as appealing! Who needs those mainstream events in any case? they are able to get extraordinarily messy! Why do no longer you only have relaxing events along with your close buddies instead? Its stable youre buddies with the "extraordinarily women", theyre no longer precisely bullying you so theres no longer something to rigidity approximately acceptable? do no longer enable those "ideal women" impact your analyze. perhaps attempt wearing reasonable makeup to toughen your elegance and advance your self self belief?

Answer 6

10 stars!

Answer 7

totally! You got ten stars from me!!!

Answer 8

that's really good. 9.5