was married for 10 years. Seperated and divorced for 2 years. but still cn eachother on and off during this time. He was also cn other young women during this time. He is now saying that he isnt interested in other woemn and that he want s to give us ago. but, he is still secretive with his phone, has lots of other womens numbers in his phone which he says is for when they contact him to know who they are so he dosnt apear rude. he texts in secret but justifies this also. he says that he has had the single life and isnt interested in this anymore but i just dont know that he is being honest.
2007-08-13 14:41:00 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Mandy dear you have answered your own question. My question to you is why are you continuing to put yourself through this. I know it is hard but you just have to face the fact that your ex husband is a selfish bastard. It is as simple as that. Three years ago I was in a relationship with a woman that I planned on marrying. For three years we had an on again/off again relationship. After we broke up he second time I just had to face the facts that she was still in love with her child's father, despite the fact that he was a dead beat dad. When she approached me about giving our relationship another try for the third time, I realized I had to toss aside my feelings for her and start using my head. I told her heck no. It was hard but it was the right thing to do and today my life is 100% better because of it. I am now married to a wonderful who really loves me and appreciates me and I am so glad that I wised up and decided that I wanted something better in life. The question you now have to ask yourself is do you want better. Do you want a lifetime of chaos, confusion, and heart break or do you want happiness? Do you want to be with a man who is selfish and desprects you or do you want a man who will honor, cherish and love you the way you deserved to be loved? I want you to know first hand that you can have better, however, you have to not only want it but you have to demand it. I will keep you in my prayers. Peace and God bless.
Yours Truly
The Caveman
2007-08-13 14:54:03 · answer #1 · answered by cave man 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all - if he was being honest, he would have no reason to be secretive at all. Second - you obviously don't believe he is being honest and that alone is grounds enough not to get in too deep with him again. Here's the thing - you will always be second guessing yourself and what your instincts are telling you and that wouldn't be fair to you. Also, if he was serious about getting back with you, he wouldn't have been seeing a lot of other girls while you two were seeing each other on and off. Good luck!
2007-08-13 14:54:04 · answer #2 · answered by JVar 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most of us have pretty good intuition. The fact that you are questionning if he is still cheating is a pretty good indication that he is. It is no fun going through life with a partner you can't trust. I'm sure you learned this in round #1! You don't mention if you have kids, and I understand that being a major motivator in getting back together. My suggestion would be to set up some very firm boundaries for your ex. If you are still sleeping with him, I would suggest you stop. You mention that he had a tast of single life. I think YOU need a taste of single life. If you don't have strong friendships with other females, I would suggest you forge some. Draw on the strength of other women, and get this guy out of your "head space" if not your life. Good luck to you. PS - Been there, I know what you are talking about.
2007-08-13 14:51:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
To me, actions have always meant more at times than words. As far as his actions go, they aren't proving much if it were me! IF he honestly wants to begin over w/you again, he'd have to do much more than he's doing to prove to me he's finished w/"others". IF he wants you & only you, what the heck does he even care how he "appears" to the "others". He shouldn't be having ANY contact whatsoever w/anyone else, & his "new" life w/you should be an open book. No texts, no calls, no ANYTHING at all. I'd say all these things would just be a big "red flag" to me. Don't mean to burst your bubble, but I'm telling you how I'd feel if these things were going on & I was in your shoes. Think I'd let him know that until he is COMPLETELY DONE w/ALL his "others", I'd be willing to give it a fair try. But fair is fair... This is one thing I don't feel he's being w/you. I'm afraid you'd be leaving yourself wide open for more hurt & disappointment at the moment w/the way he's acting & things still being secretive. I think you know the ans. to your own question, just maybe needed an affirmative agreement w/you....well, you've got it w/me...Be careful for yourself & don't leave yourself open for more hurt from him - again!
2007-08-13 14:54:15 · answer #4 · answered by Sue C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most cheaters do not change. So my answer is yes, he probably is cheating. His secretive ways are a dead give away. Listen I dont want to upset you but if you are going to have to constantly reevaluate his fidelity...how happy can you possibly be? Some days might be great but most will be filled with fear and dread that he is with another woman. Do you and him a big favor....get rid of him and I mean no contact and find someone who wants to be there for you in all ways. In a year when you look back on this (if you follow my advice) you will wonder why you gave him so much of your time anyway.
2007-08-13 14:51:23 · answer #5 · answered by stickitywit 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Once a cheater, always a cheater!
Why not give him an ultimatum. No more secrets or there is no possible way that you would consider going back to him. While he deserves some privacy, you deserve to be treated with respect and should be able to trust your spouse. It's not fair that he is still being secretive after what he did.
If he can not be honest and open with you, then you should consider moving on!
2007-08-13 14:46:37 · answer #6 · answered by endo_chic 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you suspect, it usually means yes. He will never admit to you that he is and will always come up with a valid reason why. You are lucky to be divorced, leave this man and embrace a new life with someone who is honest and true. You even said it in your questions, texting secretly, still has numbers of past women.........he is a player and will never admit it. Out of curiosity, is he black? Only say this because this seems to be a familiar pattern for black men........a harem.
2007-08-13 14:52:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he's cheating and I'm sure you do too. It kind of adds up with the secret phone numbers and secret texting plus his cheating in the past. If he's not a cheat he should have nothing to hide from you at all.
2007-08-13 14:47:12 · answer #8 · answered by furious but whatever 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think he's being honest. If he REALLY were done with it, he'd delete all those women's phone numbers and he wouldn't be so secretive with his phone. He seriously needs to turn his pockets inside out to have you start remotely trusting him. Is he someone that you think you want to be with? Think about it... is he REALLY worth it? If he is, you both need to sit down and figure this stuff out. He's going to have to be completely open with you. NO SECRETS. If you even have a hunch that he's lying about something, look into it. It's your right.
2007-08-13 14:46:55 · answer #9 · answered by Cochy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is keeping secrets then he isn't over playing the field. Why doesn't he simply change his number and forever forget his past women? If I was in his shoes and serious, that is exactly what I would do. Check his phone bill and see how long he stays on his calls. If he plays the priviacy card, beware.
2007-08-13 14:45:44 · answer #10 · answered by Jason Warren, CEO 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋