I need advise?

Question

I asked a question a couple of weeks ago. (And again, I forgot my password!!)

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AsqJWXYUAqrEn73TsSbLsmIjzKIX?qid=20070727170818AARLyE1

Well, my daughter is home now. We got her back in the school and she says she hasn't smoked pot in a while now. Now, I want a divorce, this is why my daughter came home in the first place. I sent her an e-mail telling her I was asking her father for a divorce, so she came home. But I'm not sure this is the right thing to do for now. I don't want to put my daughter in between all of this mess right now. What should I do?

Answer 1

You have to do what makes YOU happy. Don't bring/drag your daughter into it. I know when my mom was going through a divorce I stuck around (didn't move) for a while b/c I wanted to be there for her. You can't do that though. If you are unhappy w/ your married life then either get a divorce or get therapy. Your daughter sounds old enough to understand the situation. Nowadays marriages don't last like they did in the 50's. Keeping your daughter near won't make you love your husband any more than you do right now. You must make your decision. NO ONE can make that for you. You are the most important person, so do what makes YOU happy. Good luck. It must rain before the rainbow will appear with the pot of gold at the end.

Answer 2

Ok as for the question you posted a couple weeks ago,not trying to be rude here but that is totally your fault. You let her drink?!?! That is not alright anywhich way you look at it. You might as well have let her smoke and do everything else she was doing and tell her it was alright to do. Its not a fact of she can quit if she really wants to...shove her little butt into rehab for everything she is doing and let it give her an eye opener of what life will be like if she keeps that crap up! Stop bowing down and kissin her butt everytime she tells you to because matters are not going to get better at the rate you are taking it. Vacations,credit cards,etc...I apologize now for this comment but have you ever heard the phrase MONEY CAN'T BUY LOVE?? That is what the case really seems to be right here as you explain it.
As for this question...it is not fair to put your child in the middle of you and your husband.She is old enough to where you should tell her that its happening because she will eventually find out anyway and probably be pissed if you didn't tell her beforehand,but dont use her as a security blanket in the divorce. If its going to happen then it is but don't stay together just because of your daughter. She would be much happier with 2 happy divorced parents then 2 miserable married parents.That is no way for a child to live no matter how old they are. If you are getting divorced keep as much as possible in between you and your husband and don't share all the details with your daughter as seeing that will put her even MORE in between the 2 of you. Also I agree with most comments on here since she is home due to your email...she is already deep in the middle of the mess.

Answer 3

Do not get a divocrce!!!!! I have two half brothers who I share the same father with. My father was married to another woman, and then she started acting crazy and cheating on him, but SHE divorced him; he refused to divorce her (he doesn't believe in it) well, about 25 years later (now) my half brother is about 27 and he hasn't talked to my dad since he was like twelve. He blames him for the divorce even though he refused it!!! My other brother is 31 and he doesn't have a very good relationship with us either. They both are angry at my dad for no reason. My point is that, if you get the divorce, you could end up being the parent your daughter hates! Try to get some counseling or separate until you think you can move in again. Good Luck; Hope I didn't offend.
:)

Answer 4

This is a touchy situation,but reguardless of what you do or not do your not to blame for what your kid does. Good kids come from far crappier situations than broken homes and turn out good. It may pay to let your daughter get settled before you spring the news, but you can't deny the inevitable. Don't let her blame her problems on the fact that you asked for a divorce. My parents divorced when I was five and I never smoked pot in my life and I turned out totally fine without it.

Answer 5

Its awesome that you relized the divorce isnt about you only and that effects everyone in the family. You should be as supportave as you can be for her because she is in a weak time in her life and needs someone to lean on. And I'm sure you need someone to lean on too. Try finding something you can do together to show her your going through a rough time and you can so it clean and sober and that will set an example for her. Try not to mention anything bad about your spouse because thats libal to make her have trust or people issues later in life. And fits always good to have a dad there for only things dads can help out with. Just let her know you will love her no matter what and if she needs ANYTHING to call.

Answer 6

Hi,

I am married and have three children. I am not thinking of divorcing my husband, but here is my two cents.

Anything involving a marriage should stay between the husband and the wife. It is not the responsibility of yours/his parents, siblings, and most of all... your children.

Divorce is not a fun thing (for anybody) to go through, and you should spare your daughter everything you possibily can. You are right to think that this is not the best thing (her moving back), Send her back to live her own life, while you take care of yours.

Good luck!

Answer 7

Well first of all it wouldn't do anyone any good if you and your husband stayed together. You already told your daughter you wanted a divorce so she knows you must not really love her father..In my eyes you have already put her in a mess.

Answer 8

Actually i was 16 and ran away from home! Do what my mom did! She called the cops on me! They picked me up and escorted me home! Your daughter is walking all over you and running your life! Time to be a mother and gain the control back! Or before long you might be a grandma!

Answer 9

Just what you said>>>don't put your daughter in the middle. Not Fair.

Answer 10

Think of yourself right now and your daughter second cause its worse stayin together