We tend to talk about what our exes did to screw up our marriages. That's not this question. What mistake did YOU make that you learned from and committed to NOT repeating in your next marriage?
Me, I threw the word "divorce" around way to much when we fought -- not knowing that it was perhaps a fait accompli.
2007-08-13 14:08:29 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I didn't say what I really meant. I said I want to end this, I'm moving out. At first he tried to reconsile and now he won't. Now I'm getting what I said I wanted and I don't.
2007-08-13 14:14:23 · answer #1 · answered by Miss Metro 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I learned that I need to be married to a person who I enjoy talking with - an more open person. I'd also make sure I felt more passion at the onset. We were too much like friends. Being friends is very important, but the passion and physical attraction wasn't there.
I do feel, however, that sometimes life sends us little warning signs and we need to pay attention . Prior to marriage my mother-in-law-to-be criticized everything we did and planned with respect to the wedding. She took offense at the smallest things. Well, that was a warning sign I chose to ignore. Unfortunately, she continued to throw her little tantrums, give us the silent treatment and overreacted to so many things throughout 12 years of our marriage. She caused some major rifts between me and my husband. I wouldn't say she was main the cause of the divorce, but she was certainly a contributing factor.
I don't think either one of us made any big mistakes. We did what we did because at the time that was who we were. That is all now part of the past and we are wiser for it.
2007-08-13 14:18:41 · answer #2 · answered by americansneedtowakeup 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First divorce: I was young and didn't deal with being unhappy in the marriage well. I should've left long before he asked me to go. Most of the burden for the failure of that relationship is on him (a lot of cheating).
Second divorce: I "settled" for that relationship and shouldn't have. That wasn't fair to either of us. The failure for this one is on me, because the marriage never should've happened. I wanted affection/emotion from him that he didn't know how to give...and we were more like friends with benefits than a married couple. I learned the "never settle" lesson.
2007-08-13 14:13:49 · answer #3 · answered by . 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is a good question i have thought about that a million times. i guess my biggest fault was not keeping up the level of affection as when we were before we got married I kinda settled in thinking everything was going to last forever. Now I miss her every single day. Wow good question i think I will ponder that some more.
2007-08-13 14:20:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a timely question! My ex was the one that wanted out. Or at least, he pondered for 10 years that he didn't know if he wanted to be married to me. I couldn't get geared up for sex unless he was attentive; he couldn't be romantic until after sex. I wish now that I'd come up with some way to get myself motivated for sex with no help from him. Maybe I'd still be married. But I also wish he'd learned to hug and kiss me first and get me in the mood. But, it's water under the bridge. Wish I'd been a quicker learner!
2007-08-13 14:18:19 · answer #5 · answered by rb29440 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was way too naive.
I caught him in so many lies, but always believed what he told me. Because his lies were always for "my" benefit.
I was way too trusting.
Even after being cheated on, took him back to try to work on our marriage, he ended up cheating on me again with the same woman.
I really got an attitude with him through all of the lies, and didn't really want him near me....kept telling him one of these times my feelings just weren't going to come back....and they didn't....divorce time.
And happier now than I've ever been.
Found the man of my dreams.
I have learned not to get mad, that only causes fighting.
So I have learned to sit down and talk about what's bothering me, instead of just letting it fester.
You get a star....good question....really gets all of us thinking of "our own faults" ;)
2007-08-13 14:27:31 · answer #6 · answered by MommaBear 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My marriage didn't fail. The one mistake I made was getting married in the first place.
2007-08-13 15:08:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Silent anger. I should have stood up for myself more. Instead, when something made me angry i would talk in a high pitched sweet voice about the things that werent right only to be brushed off and my anger pushed down. I acctually had dreams where i killed him.
2007-08-14 02:58:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a divorcee, but almost made that mistake. my mistake was abandoning her. not intentionnally, but by deployment. My big mistake was getting pissed at the little things, and reading more into things. We have saved it before divorce, and are in the process, but It's not all bad.
2007-08-13 14:41:24 · answer #9 · answered by g_saiyaman2099 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i married to have children not a husband.. i married for family but not for love.. i have learn from that and i walked away with nothing but the child.. and when she wanted to go back i let her with no hard feelings.. i even tried to help him.. he was too jealouls .. yes..maybe he realized i did not love him as i should have and that cause it.. i do try to see how he feels.. and try to understand.. the next time if there is ever one.. it will be for love .the first time i thought it was love but it was not.. i was young.. the second time i knew it was not.. this time there willl be no mistaken it
2007-08-13 14:31:10 · answer #10 · answered by vis 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋