My husband is terrified of our infant???

Question

My husband is not around our son alot. I am stay at home mom. When my hubby tries to dress him or hold him and he starts screaming, he just hands him over to me. He says, "i'm hurting him." I tell him, "No your not! You need to get used to it." What can I do to make him more comfortable around our son? Anyone like me?

I have left hm alone with our son. The whole time our baby just cries. He is 3 months old.

Answer 1

My husband is the same way. He just can't handle when she gets fussy, and he knows that she'll calm down if I take her.

The only solution I have found is time. As she's getting more interactive, he's getting more comfortable with her. He loves to hear her "talk." He's also starting to learn what she wants and what she likes. The best part is that he's starting to pick up his own ways of making her happy instead of trying to copy what I do. She loves to ride around the house on his shoulders, which I can't do b/c she yanks my hair!

Also, if your baby enjoys bathtime, it may help to make that "father son time." My daughter usually enjoys her bath, so it's a good time for him to bond with her when she's in a good mood. He bathes her, gets her ready for bed, then reads her a book while I nurse her. Any kind of care-taking activity like that that has to be done every day is good. That way Dad can help out and learn how to make the baby happy in his own way.

It's really just taken time with us though. I think when she's a lot bigger and plays more and is more mobile, they'll be best buddies. Until then, he's just not sure what to do with her a lot of the time and it gets stressful for all of us!

ETA: I wouldn't leave him alone with the baby until he is more confident. It's not that you don't trust him, but it can be very stressful for both Dad and baby if you're not around just in case. I ran to the store the other day and figured he'd call if they needed me - she was hysterical the whole time and his phone was in my car so he couldn't call. Being thrown into without any type of help isn't really the best way to teach him how to take care of the baby. It may work for some men, but I found that it just back-fired really badly for us. Insist that he spend time with the baby, but be there as back-up when he needs you. And definitely compliment him when they are getting along well - knowing that you think he's a good daddy will help a lot!

Answer 2

My husband was like this with our first. It was awful. I had to go to the follow-up appoinment at 6 weeks with the OB. I had him stay home with our first. I left breastmilk on the counter in a bottle and told him to give it to our baby. I came home an hour later and he was in the same position in the kitchen holding our screaming son. He said, "I checked the diaper, burped, etc....I don't know what could be wrong." He didn't FEED HIM!!!! Ughhh!!!

Once, he put the diaper on backwards which we laugh about now.

So, after 2 more, he is a whiz. It's really normal especially if he has not been around babies before now.

What to do? walk him through things. Show him how to do things. With women it seems to come naturally. NOT SO WITH MEN!!!

Our daughter was born 11 months ago and I drew a diagram for him- as a joke- because he couldn't figure out her snaps on her clothes!!! I hung it over her changing table. Not all things return, but some do.

Be very patient. What I did with our first- I would take a long, long bath. I left everything out for him once I knew he could handle it and took a bath. He'd come in every 5 minutes asking for help and I'd walk him through it.

He'll get there with love and patience and by example. I promise! If my husband can do it- ANYONE'S CAN!!!

Answer 3

Wow, 3mths already and he's still passing your son off to you?? I'd leave the area when they are together as much as possible, so he doesnt feel you are grading him or judging him on how he's doing things. My husband was the same way for the first month or two, but I finally learned I had to let him do things 'wrong' or else I would have to be the one to do everything 'right'. We need help though, not to mention they need time to bond. Some men dont want anything to do with babies, but hopefully he's not like that.

Even though you've already tried, leaving him alone is pretty much the only sure fire way they will have time to bond. Otherwise, your husband can constantly do the hand-off to mommy.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

Get a third party involved. If he has a male friend with kids, for instance, that would be a good choice. If another man comes over and tells your husband that he is being silly, it may have a greater impact on how he percieves his role in raising the child.

Answer 6

My boyfriend is the exact same way. He takes about 10 minutes just to put a shirt on our son. I tell him to stop being so careful, but he doesn't. I think once our son gets bigger and isn't so floppy he'll be better but right now I think he's afraid he'll break him. It's normal.

Answer 7

My husband was like that at first. When theyre so very tiny they are scary to men. They didnt heave them out of their bodies and arent are aware of how hardy newborns really are.

Anyway, the easiest way to get him over it is to NOT let him give the baby back to you.

I told my husband flat out about the second time that he did that "This is your son, and he needs your love. Right now your love is knowing how to put a diaper on him. GET OVER YOURSELF." And walked away.

He tried arguing with me a few times, but he got over it. I told him i wouldnt back down on it. I was not going to allow him to be afraid of his son.

Its scary for them, but they honestly do get over it. Just be sure to comment a lot around him about how great he is with his son. He needs confidence, and your insisting.

Answer 8

He to attach to you that why.I suggest you be their with your husband and let the husband feed him if you not breastfeeding.without you intervene with him.Let him change him rock him to sleep.If your husband have time let him join a parenting class with the baby.I think that would be the best idea.When your husband try to hand him over don't take the baby.I know that the hard part.Nobody likes to see their baby cry.Let your husband handle it.

Answer 9

Trust me dearie, your husband is only out to duck diaper duty and have an excuse to still go out and hang with the boys. I'd start with a phone call to your mother in law (assuming of course she's still in the picture and alive), and ask her to give your hubby a "verbal spanking" and go from there.

Bottom line? Don't be a chump. It took two to make your son; it takes two to share the load (even if it's in the diaper), to make a go of it!!!

Answer 10

My husband was the same way until our son got big enough for him to hold his head up. He still didn't mess with him much until he got to be sitting up by himself and crawling.