older poems of mine: 2?

Question

this one is REALLY violent in nature...




"DEADLY THOUGHTS"
I will kill you when you sleep
promise it'll be that last thing you see.
my blade
cutting down
into your face.
Slice your throat ear to ear
scream while you choke is what i'll hear.
this knife
sliding 'cross your neck
ending your life.
Stabbing in & out of your body
multiple wounds with my butterfly
killing you harshly
so with every victim i
temporally escape this reality!

Answer 1

I see what you were attempting to do...but the real terror in such a crime comes from a "lack" of passion...it comes when there is a morbid interest in what any other "sane" person would find overflowing with horror. If you'd said,
"Don't be afraid, I'll kill you as you sleep
and if you wake, it will the the last thing you'll see
my blade, slicing down into your face
cutting ear to ear, a choked off scream is all you'd hear
a knife across your neck, ending life
In and out, stabbing slowly again and again
My butterfly fluttering on wings of painless ecstasy
for by now you'd long be dead and I
I would briefly escape cold reality
in pools of your cooling life"

...that would be more creepy because the speaker doesn't really care about the pain, just the pleasure of mutilating a dying/dead body. You could probably do "creepier" if you wanted, but that's the direction I'd go if you want to go that way...for me, it's a far too slipperly slope for me to slide upon with lighthearted shoes.

keep writing

Answer 2

O.J Simpson finally confesses!

Answer 3

I couldn't get past the subject matter. If you've seen this in real life you wouldn't think it was cool.

Answer 4

Silly little person tries to be scary - fails.