married but still in love with past love?I want to forget,erase his memory?

Question

I met a man about four years ago on a holiday. Over a period we both fell in love . The only problem being we belonged to different countries.
There came a point we had to separate, he obviously wasn't interested in me enough to follow it up or maybe he was just not strong enough to take on the responsibilities considering he had been divorced. This was four years ago and the weird thing is he still keeps in touch with me.
I married my husband who loves me a lot and whom I love a lot as well.If only I had met my husband before I met him my life would have been so much easier.
I have told him to stop ever keeping contacting me, that it is hard for me because I loved him, but he wouldn't and I just don't know what he wants? It is very obvious he can't forget me and I know I will not be able to forget him for a long time, I felt like we bonded and it felt like everything was right, just that he didnt want me enough to make a commitment .
I desperately want to forget him and it is just so hard for me not to be able to speak to anyone about this ,(particularly not my husband who would be heartbroken).I cannot forgive my past love for abandoning me?I just need to forget him and I have done all I can including marrying someone else, I just wish I could erase him off my mind.
Sometimes I just break down and cry because It's been so hard all these years and I guess it will get easier with time but I wish it were sooner.How do i forget erase remove him from my mind?help me.
I have broken all connections with him but obviously not emotionally. It is hard to remove a memory especially deep love.Tell me how?Thats all.

Answer 1

I wish I could give you an easy answer, I really do! I have been in a very similar situation, a girl from growing up together through life repeatedly promised marriage, family, etc. and was the only one I loved. Well, she is on her 5th husband, we had an affair (she said she was leaving husband for me), then I met and married a wonderful woman that is honest and very giving and with almost the exact same interest as myself. Still, all the years I waited and believed the promises with someone I grew up with haunt me, as there was no reason to lie except personal gain from money, etc. I guess my bottom line answer to you is to love the one you are with since he is good to you and you are committed to him, find happiness with the one that would commit to you and wants to make you happy, as I am also doing. Best of luck!

Answer 2

When you met your past love, it was probably bad timing. You were at two different points in your lives that no matter how in tune you both were, it wasn't going to work out. You were upset I'm sure, that he did not want to commit. Is that why you married your husband? Because you were upset and maybe in a sense wanted to get back at your first love? LIsten, what you are doing is not right to you and your husband. If your husband knew you were thinking about another man, it would shatter him. You can't do this. You can't run away from your problems. Your mind wants what your heart will never be able to do -- and that is truly be 100% in love with your husband and ONLY your husband. Be a woman, and stop stringing your husband along. Let him go, so that he can find a woman who will truly, genuinely and sincerely love him 100%. Perhaps you can attempt something with that man you are still wanting to be with, because it is obvious he meant a lot to you. If it doesn't work out, then move on to someone else. You're husband is obviously not the one for you, since you cannot be content with him and ONLY him.

Good Luck

Answer 3

Keep those connections broken, and time will do the rest. You are lucky to have a good husband. There is nothing wrong with crying in the meantime. And under no circumstances tell your husband. There are things that just cannot be unsaid.

PS If the other guy never cared enough to make a commitment, maybe there was a good reason.

This man is an interloper in your marriage. Do not allow him any contact with you anymore (you said he still keeps in touch. Do whatever you have to do to END that)

You have my sympathy. Just keep going on and one day you'll realize how narrowly you missed disaster.

Answer 4

I do not understand..you are saying you love your husband...then how come you are thinking of another man?
Obviously you are not being sincere to your husband..you should have told him about all these before marrying him.
I believe..your husband should have been the best memory eraser...
You need to stop thinking about someone who cannot be responsible enough to make a committment.
Be happy that someone loves you right now...and most of all keep away from your past..

Answer 5

If you truly love your husband it will be easy to forget about your past luv. You have lots of options on how to handle the situation.
1 Dump your husband for a guy who (as you put it) obviously wasnt interested enuf.
2 Tell your husband. If he luvs you he will understand and help you.
3 Follow your heart. Figure out who it belongs to.
4 Forget your past luv. You have a new one who wouldnt let different zip codes keep you apart.
5 Spend a lot of time with your hubby. It will keep your mind off the other dude.
6 Continue a relationship with both. Just talking is harmless... right?
7. Miss your past luv and lie to your husband. Be miserable for the rest of your life.
8 pay lots of cash to get hyponotized out of love with your past and live a fake life.

I reccomend telling your husband. You made a commitment to him when you married him. A marriage is built on trust and love. You may have to gain those all over again but you would keep your husband(hopefully). your past luv is in the past. Keep it there. You have a husband who loves you and lives in the same country. Why would you give up that life just to live in the past. I know you feel guilty so get rid of it by making the right choice. Good luck and may God be with you.

Answer 6

I think you are just stuck in this romantic illusion/dream.we all dream about that "prince" and somehow you met a guy in your vacation, when everything is working for the ideal relationship to happen.But come just get real: who is by your side all the time?who married you?Love is an action not lovely words.He don't Loves you, but he likes to have you has a hobby....all men do.Don't make a mistake of ruin your life because of a fantasy.You have someone by your side that Loves you though he is not perfect.Invest in your marriage, go out with your husband.ENJOY your husband and make romance with him.Erase the fantasy, don't give importance to it, and it will fade sooner or later.It's a question of mind will, believe me.Your marriage is real!That's what is important, leave the rest!

Answer 7

you will never forget, but look at it like this, you are in love now, if you keep this up you will lose your husband. Be glad for the experience and the other love you had - but every time you start to think of him or be sad - think of how wonderful your husband is and how much he loves you. and then go give him the biggest kiss ever. that should take your mind off of it...

Answer 8

accept it for what it is, a beautiful memory! it just did not work out that doesn't mean you cant still love him,you can but it has to be in memory only.if you truly love your husband and are happy just keep this little part of your past as just that-- the past.do not contact this man as long as you wish to be married to your husband.be a good,loving and faithful wife.good luck to you if it is meant to be it will be.

Answer 9

You can not remove memories. These are the chapters in your auto biography. These are the stories that you will tell your grandchildren. Plus memories keep your brain alive, active and functioning. People with Alzheimer's lose their memories because people refuse to keep talking about them. Don't erase your memories of your past love. It is unnecessary.

Answer 10

Keep your mind busy with other things, and sooner or later you'll find yourself thinking less and less about him...this has helped me a lot in the past...and also keep telling yourself that he isn't worth it coz he obviously doesn't want to have any type of commitment w/ you...Plus you are married, you shouldn't even keep contact with any other guy...that's my advice !