My son (5 years old) has told me that when he visits his father on weekends sometimes women will spend the night. Over the last month, my son has met 4 different lady "friends". I'm not jealous and I don't have feelings for my ex anymore. How do I convince him that he's setting a bad example?
2007-08-13 11:06:45 · 22 answers · asked by Nikki B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is his example to make you have no control over your ex, all you can do is make sure you are setting a good example at your home. If your child has any questions answer them to best of your ability and if you are not able then call your ex and let your child ask him.
2007-08-13 11:10:59 · answer #1 · answered by Dreamy S 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
this can be hard cause depending on how you word it, to him it can boil down to you being jealous. I have been down this road and it sucks. Luckily for me, I had sole-custody so I was able to allow the kids to spend time with him...I just stopped letting the kids spend the night, I explained to him that I had a problem with our children being exposed to so many partners, and that I didn't want them to think that this behavior was ok. I also asked him how he would feel if I allowed different men in my home and although he didn't like it he still refused to admit that it was inappropriate for him to have different women over.
Eventually it worked out...I think that what helped was when he actually started to date someone exclusively and he saw that I didn't have a problem with the kids being with the 2 of them, but we went through the whole ordeal for about 3 years before he took someone seriously and settled down with her.
They actually just got divorced after 7 years and his attitude towards dating is much better then we had broke up...he is seeing different women, but on his own time.
Talk to him first...you have to make your concerns clear to him no matter how you think he may feel, see if you can get him to compromise and only do it when he doesn't have your son...or even try and make other arrangements for visiting if the weekends is the only time that he can indulge.Be careful with how you word things when you talk to him about it...you don't want him to get the impression that you are trying to control his life...don't INSIST that he not do it when your son is around, rather try and suggest a way that seems to benefit him and your son..good luck!
2007-08-13 18:30:17 · answer #2 · answered by darknangelic77 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You just need to take some time and talk to him when your son isn't right there. Tell hi that you don't mind what he does in his own time, but you really prefer that he did not bring women around your son until he has met one that is something serious. Tell him that you are just thinking of your son and that you just want what is best for him and that he looks forward to his time with his daddy and hope that he can respect that you don't want just dates or overnighters around your son. Assure him that you want to make sure you do the same not have different men around not until you meet one that becomes more of a serious thing. Tell your ex, that if he has a date that he really wants to go on, you would rather just keep your son with you that evening. You are going to have to be prepared for that, but also let your x know that this can't be everyweekend because your son really looks forward to time with his dad. just be mature and nice as can be about it. The better you parents get along the better it is for your son, even if it means agreeing to disagree. Be patient and just always put your son first and let your x know that this is your main priority.
2007-08-13 18:15:49 · answer #3 · answered by Maalru3 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The best thing to do is talk to your ex and tell him that you dont feel comfortable with your son being there when he has woman over. I dont think it is appropriate for a divorced parent to introduce there children to anyone they are dateing or hooking up with unless it is very serious my children did not even meet my soon to be husband until we had been together for almost 10 months children become attached to people and if you they do become attached and something goes wrong in the relationship then its not just the 2 that broke up that are hurting its the child too and i dont feel that any relationship is worth hurting your children over
Ok Ok I will get off my soap box now.
In short just talk to your ex about your concerns
Good Luck and god bless
2007-08-13 19:08:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him that your son is confused about the different people spending the night. Ask him if he could try to have them over on the nights when you're son isn't there. Tell him that a child needs stability and meeting someone new every weekend and having them sleep in the same house is not providing that stability.
2007-08-13 18:11:54 · answer #5 · answered by Jessie 4 · 7⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to your ex and explain that the child knows he's having ladies overnight and that this is not good for the child. Ask him to have his overnight ladies on nights when the boy is not with him as this is emotionally disruptive to such a young child.
If he does not respect your wishes, you can file with the court to not allow him to have other women with him when his child is visiting unless they are married to him. I know this can be done because my husband's ex-wife did that. The problem was solved when he and I married.
2007-08-13 19:04:14 · answer #6 · answered by Nedra E 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your divorce attorney and find out what you can do legally to keep your son out of that mess and confusion. I'm sure nothing you say to your ex is going to make a difference, so go through your attorney and maybe he'll think twice if he is threatened with no visitation, or maybe that's what he wants. Who knows. Just continue to take care of your little one and keep him safe.
Also, document what your child has told you happens when he visits daddy.
2007-08-13 18:14:51 · answer #7 · answered by gma 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to try to talk to your ex about his behavior around your son. Explain to him that your son is asking questions about these " friends" and that you are not the one who should be answering them. Maybe he can not have these "friends" over when your son is visiting. Men just don't understand that children are very curious and impressionable at all ages. If that doesn't work, then I would suggest telling him that if he is going to have this type of behavior around your young son, then you will have to pull a K-Fed and take him to court.
2007-08-13 18:14:32 · answer #8 · answered by Latino Heat 4ever 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
It's good he is dating, I hope you can start dating as well, but sometimes men just lack that common sense that tells us ladies NOT to bring men home unless we are sure it is at least semi serious.
Just have the talk with him that you don't feel it is appropriate for him to be bringing girlfriends over because it is confusing your child. It is possible he just does not realize it is a potentially bad situation.
Hope it all works out.
2007-08-13 18:09:45 · answer #9 · answered by LifeLove 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may already know he is setting a bad example !!!
Doesn't mean he will change his behavior.
Any child psychologist will tell parents this will cause detachment issues - Like I said though changing the behavior is up to him.
Maybe see the ladies when the Son is with you!!!
2007-08-13 18:14:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋