Before you even became engaged, how many people just had crazy, trivial, doubts because ...?

Question

..you wondered if things were supposed to "perfect, perfect". From the people that have been there and are happily married now, any reassurance or words of advice that my "jitters" and doubts are normal? We are madly in love with each other. Marriage (1st one and hopefully only/last one for both of us - we are 27 and 33yrs old) is SO HUGE! Just a bit scared...What should I keep my focus on to make sure we do ok. Both of us feel that we belong together and have made it through our toughie times, etc. ala"nothing is a bed of roses all the time", I just don't want to make a mistake!!!

Answer 1

I think if you are sure you love each the other part of the equation is commitment. At 27 & 33, the two of you should be pretty sure of your commitment level, and whether or not you can be happy with one person for the rest of your life. Some people just can't. You see, I think the only difference between "good" marriages (I've been married 25 years...to the same man) and failed marriages is commitment and the ability to forgive. Everyone starts out in love, it's easy to love when there's no children, no extended family, enough money, and the physical attration is relatively new. It's after a few years and the stresses of life become more difficult if the commitment to see it through on both your parts is there, you'll come out marriage in tact and stronger. It's when one or both people decide it's too hard and not worth the effort that things fall apart. Marriage is HARD, there's no getting around it. Accepting that your partner is human, not perfect and will make mistakes helps. Committing to do your absolute best even when it would be easier not to is half the battle. That's where the love part comes in. When you're not "liking" the other person so much but know there's no other person in the world you'd rather be with. My husband and I have always loved each other, but there have been many, many days when we didn't exactly like each other. Good luck...sorry, there is no crystal ball to predict what will happen, only the love and commitment you have to each other.

Answer 2

You really never know exactly what is going to happen....there is always a chance for something going wrong. I have learned over the years that relationships are NOT perfect....but the ones that work are the people who actually put effort into things. Make sure when either of you are upset about something you share it with the other person. If you keep things inside because you don't want to "upset the other person" than they will just all come out at once and do damage to the relationship....Trust and communication!!!!! Good luck and just remember to love each other more each day because you really never know if there will be a tomorrow!!!!

Answer 3

Marriage is more than love... lol love just makes it easier. Marriage is a partnership, and when you enter into something with a partner you want to be sure that this person will hold up to their end and fill the required spaces. Just as in business, though much more romantic, your partner needs to be an assett to you, your goals, dreams and vision.

It is natural to have doubts, natural to question and think what if... we all do it and become this jittery in life over just about everything!

Talk to her, explain to her that you're mind is doing the twisty turney what if what if what if thing, thought your heart is solid and sure that this is the right thing. You wont make a mistake, nothing is perfect! Marriage takes work... I'm experiencing some of the same, engaged now myself, and just know that no matter what there isnt a man in this world I would rather spend my life with. :)

Congratulations, and best wishes.

Answer 4

I think that you know deep down when you are making a mistake, if you really feel like it is a mistake, stop it now!
I felt the same way, it was really hard. You have SO much to think about and you should think about it. You aren't going into this blindly, you understand that it is forever and that is always scarry, it would be stranger if you weren't scared at all. (I think)

The adjustment period for me took a while after I got married too, but then I realized that putting that "unmarried" part of myself away felt so great. It changes you, making that promise, and if you mean it and she does too, you wont ever regret it. Knowing who your partner for life, your team mate, is pretty great, there are so many more things you can focus on and other things you can let go of. But one thing to think about is that you will never feel exactly like this again, ever, so go with it, enjoy the emotions that creats, good and bad, if you never get the bad, the good ones are never as sweet.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

A few doubts are okay, but just make sure the two of you are suited for a life together, not just that you love one another. Sometimes love is NOT enough.
Make sure she is of good character, that she loves her family and gets along with them; that the two of you have talked about finances, and who will be working when; about family - do you want children, how many, how will they be raised, would she be a stay at home mom or have someone else raise the children; what if you two can't have children, would you go the technology route or adopt; how about religion - what do each of you practice and what will you do with children.
... there are tons of things you need to be careful about. Dating at least two years is necessary to make sure you know each other well enough.

Answer 6

If you are madly in love, then blow the jitters off. Seems like it just might be nerves with you. Marriage is a huge step, but to me, it sounds like you want to marry her.

Red Flags: The person is controlling, value system is completely different, you find her physically repulsive, you think of her as a sister instead of a wife, you don't even like her, you don't want to have children with this person (unless neither of you want children), the person is physically and/or mentally abusive, bad things, etc.

Good luck!

Answer 7

Doubts are so normal when to be engaged!! but it may not be the focus..what s going to happen will happen, so relax, there s a long road in front and it will bee what you make
it.
I m married for 13 years, and can assure it s a great experience, of loyalty, respect, and also abnegation!! when little children call mama at the same time..
best luck..

Answer 8

I am married for 14 years(2nd Marriage)and can tell you that you will never have a Guarandee for a Relationship (Marriage).But its normal to feel like you.I think the most importand thing is to be able to talk,talking is A-Z in a relationship.If youre cant talk about everything than forget it , it wont last without proper comunication ever.Good luck.
Siggi
Oh yea and dont worry what other people think or say,they dont give you nothing to be happy or to live,so forget about they comment.Please. siggi

Answer 9

I just got married on the 28th. Congrats on your upcoming marriage. Nothing will change, really (unless you are not living together already).

It's a big day but it will go by SO fast and you will wish that it was much slower.. This is NORMAL that you have 'jitters' because it's such a BIG DAY!

If you accept that there will be NO MORE other men/woman in your life, for the REST or your life and you tryly want this to be the last one then you have no reason to worry.

Answer 10

I was very young when I got married the first time (18), and ever since I had no fear of marriage; it really wasn't bad. I'm married for the 3rd time now, and I've been spared the "jitters"; it seems I learned early on that nothing has to be "perfect", it just has to be good.