What's with the defensive attitudes and dismissive comments from some of the formula feeding mothers on here?!

Question

Why do you get mad when breastfeeding mothers talk about the benefits of breast milk and how it's better then formula? Why is that so offensive for formula feeding mothers to hear? It's true, proven with countless studies, that breast milk is far superior to formula.

Why attack breastfeeding mothers when they merely state the facts? So many women seem so touchy about the subject and quickly try to dismiss how important breastfeeding is to the health of babies. Why not give kudos to the women who made the commitment to breastfeed their children despite it not always being the easiest choice?!

If you couldn't breastfeed your child then there is no reason to be defensive. I think it's the women who could and didn't who feel guilty, or something, and attack. Which is their issue. No one is calling you a bad mother. At least I'M not. So why whenever a question comes up about formula/breastfeeding do SOME formula feeding mothers get so defensive?

Answer 1

A lot of times, bf-ing moms say it is practically child abuse to forumla feed. After many of these comments, most of them coming after a long list citing why breastmilk is superior, a formula feeding mom learns to get defensive automatically. When I was bf-ing, I was suprised at the animosity shown to formula feeding moms. When I could no longer do it, I didn't get irritated, but definitely saw why they got defensive.

I think we should support each other despite how we feed our children. There are healthy and unhealthy children no matter how they have been fed.

Answer 2

Thank you for a well written question. I believe most formula feeding moms are not trying to be dismissive, they are just reacting to the way a lot of the ff/bf questions and answers on here are written. A LOT of questions (and responses) are written with the tone (and the outright accusation) that 'formula is evil and you must be a lazy are terrible mother to give it to your child'. And 'if you loved your baby you would work past the pain and tiredness and breastfeed'.
As to the defensiveness. It is very natural to defend your parenting choices when someone tries to tell you what you are doing is bad. It's not necessarily that these women feel "guilty". A lot of times that's the word that is hurled at formula feeders who try to defend their choice- "oh you just feel guilty because you don't breastfeed". No, that is not always the case. Just as SOME formula feeders mistake "breast is best" for "you are wrong", SOME breastfeeders mistake "formula isn't bad" for "formula is exactly the same as breast milk."
So although you personally are not calling anyone a bad mother - many many other people are - just because they formula feed.

Answer 3

I breast fed and due to a low milk supply from a prior surgery I couldn't increase my milk supply after A LOT of trying. So now I formula feed so I have been in both spots and honestly no formula feeding mother has ever attacked me for breast feeding. I now get snide remarks from SOME breast feeding moms. PLEASE don't get me wrong and thinking I am being hateful because I am NOT! I am just stating what has happened to me. I would rather be breast feeding still and I do believe breast is best. BUT when I would ask questions while I was working with a lactation consultant trying to increase supply I would get some really really hateful comments and answers because I had to nurse my baby and then give formula because my baby was starving! He wouldn't gain weight. I agree some women don't even try to breast feed and it would be nice if they would at least try and give their baby the chance to get the benefits of breast milk. I personally don't feel though as if I have the right to judge either way what a woman chooses to do. I think that they are probably touchy about it because they get hassled about it. I hope this helps you see that it does go both ways. Breast feeding was hard with all my problems BUT well worth it and I will try again with my next child even if I can't make much milk!

Answer 4

I don't put down people either way and I don't understand why some people are so judgmental over this issue. I think what upsets moms who use formula is the attacks from women who breast feed (not all of them). Many times breast feeding moms treat formula feeding moms like they are abusing their babies because they gave them formula. They will say formula fed babies will be more sick, will not have good lives, will not be smart, etc. That just isn't true. My child was formula fed (except for the colostrum the first few days). She was a very healthy baby. She did very well (sometimes advanced) on all her developmental stuff as a baby/toddler. She is a very healthy 8 year old girl now and does very well in school. I don't see anything that could have been better in her life if I had breast fed her. But that is just my child. Others may have different stories. I also have many friends who breast fed and their children were always sick and behind in developing. I guess it just depends on the child.

I am not saying moms shouldn't breast feed. Of course they should. What I am saying is those of us who didn't shouldn't be treated like we are horrible mothers and looked down upon. Formula fed kids can grow up to be very smart and healthy.

I am not sure why this questions was brought up, I am kind of new here but I just wanted to weigh in on the issue.

Answer 5

Breast milk is better no dout about that, but the reason we are being defensive is because others have been putting us down.

I was already to breastfeed my son when he was born. I didn't even buy any bottles or register for any. But my son had a hard time breastfeeding and lactching on. I would cry when he wouldn't.

Just b/c I didn't breastfeed I'm not a mad mother.

I don't understadn why everyone is being so defensive, as long as your child is feed and healthly thats all that should matter.

Answer 6

As someone who has used both methods, I can say because they feel attacked by the "breastfeeding is best" army. I mean, they know it's for the best. You'd have to be illiterate not to, with all the information you are given when pregnant. Again it's the best way, but not the only way. You don't know why these women aren't breastfeeding. Some people aren't strong enough, can't medically or just can't emotionally. That doesn't make them any less of a good mother....but that's what most formula feeding mommies are made to feel like by breastfeeding moms. Just MHO.

Answer 7

Because my daughter had a tongue tie that made a latch impossible. The midwives, breastfeeding expert, infant feeding co-ordinator and my paediatrician all said she just wasn't going to do it. So she had exclusive expressed breast milk for 2 months but then my supply dwindled (the pump didn't stimulate my milk supply enough) so was sadly moved to formula. I wasn't going to answer your question as it's a very personal matter but I think it's a bit rude and naive of you to assume all mother who formula feed do it for selfish reasons as you seen to be suggesting ("I'm not judging"- of course you shouldn't be- it's none of your business!). I answered because I wanted to show that breastfeeding isn't always this wonderful magical experience that works out perfectly. Of course breastfeeding is best, but when that doesn't work out, or a mother chooses not to breast feed, there is formula, and thank goodness there is otherwise my daughter would have starved. My inability to breastfeed actually lead to moderate PND/PPD as I felt I'd let her down. 3 years on she's unbelievably healthy, hardly ever ill, full of life and energy and I realised I did my absolute best. Deciding to formula feed as as much a personal and private decision as deciding to breastfeed and no one should have to explain their choices to anyone, let alone a complete stranger who isn't "here to judge you on why you feed your baby formula"- as you absolutely should not be doing! --edit--- in response to your additional information, I'm sure you have researched formula feeding. However when you start using phrases such as "I'm not judging" then it couldn't be plainer that you are. You're right, I don't know you- which I believe is the point I made? If you know three are many reasons why a mother why not breastfeed, why did you focus on the two controversial ones of saggy breasts and the sexual connotation in your question, when you could have focused on latching problems/ supply issues, which would have shown some empathy? Sorry, but you came across as high and mighty, and my reply was to just let you know that not all women who formula feed do so out of choice and posts like yours can really upset people. You said you found my reply rude? I found your original question rude and intrusive.

Answer 8

I agree with you. But I have also seen on this forum women who are so militant in their breastfeeding convictions that they have used the word "abuse" in regards to formula feeding... and that is way not fair.

I try to answer questions about feeding with what facts I know, I try hard to not pass judgment, or imply that someone's personal choice is wrong. Though I do sometimes point out that someone's information that they based their choice on may have been wrong and quote a site or provide a link. I primarily answer questions on breastfeeding and those walking the line of doing both breast and formula and undecided on which way to go. If, on occassion, a total formula question is asked and I actually read it, going back to breastfeeding is a possible solution I voice that and try to give my source.

Answer 9

I think its good that some mothers are able to breastfeed their children. I tried and could not and my child is just as healthy. She was screaming her head off due to my trying to breastfeed and turns out I was not producing enough milk to satisfy her. Breastfeeding is not all its cracked up to be, its not easy, and some women are just unable to do it. Breast milk might be the better choice, but dont knock women who choose not to. Formula has come along way from when our mothers were having us.

Answer 10

I think it's a little bigger than formuls vs. breastmilk. It seems that there are too many people who want to judge each other on how they choose to raise their kids. I personally am breastfeeding currently, but both of my best friends couldn't do it with their babies. I don't think that I am any better of a mother than they are, it's kind of like some people choosing soy milk, or goat milk as an adult. It's a personal choice, and the rest of the world shouldn't factor into it. Formula is necessary for some mothers, and a choice for others. Does it really matter how the baby is fed? I personally am just glad it IS being fed, there are too many babies starving either from neglect, or from famine. We are all on the same team, trying to raise our kids as best as we can, I believe that support is more important than criticism.

Answer 11

I breast fed 2 of my 3 children and I'm a big supporter of it.

But, In the end, it's not for everyone.
Some people try and try but just can't do it. In those cases they have to go the formula route.

It's nothing to be ashamed of but yet some people feel the need to look down on them like they're bad moms or something. These are the same people who have opinion about EVERYTHING and there's just no winning with them.

There's nothing wrong with feeding either way as well as the baby is well nutritioned.