All I want is the truth, how can I get it?

Question

Ok ..here it goes..

I have deep suspiciousions that my husband of 14 years is having sex with my best friend. All the signs are there, but I keep doubting my "gut feeling" so to speak. My friend is not an attractive girl at all and she is known to "get around". She brags about all the men she has all the time. Recently, my husband has changed his behavior drastically. We haven't had sex in atleast 4 months or so, he has been distant and cold and cancelled his direct deposit so I can 't see where his money is going. I also noticed that they act VERY strange when they are around me, which was never the case. They would always say hello, but now they act like they don't know each other. Sometimes I do catch them making eye contact behind my back. My friend is also treating much differently, we were very close, now we never hang out together....

Any suggestions as to what might be going on?? Am I jumping to conclusions or could I be right??

I've tried talking to my husband but he denies it and gets defensive...all it does is cause a fight

Answer 1

YOU ARE RIGHT! Get rid of her first and then give him a choice to come clean and if he does and really is sorry and proves it,forgive him.But the girl his history....There is a saying...There is no fool like an old fool! Sorry,but all the symptoms of an affair are there.I would not sleep with him until he is tested for aids,since she gets around so much! She wants your husband,not just for sex...she is in your money and that can be dangerous for your marriage,like I said get her out of your bed of roses!

Answer 2

You are worried about causing a fight when you have not had sex in 4 months, your husband and friend are acting weird around you, he cancelled his direct deposit etc etc? Get real cause a big fight and demand to know exactly what is going on. If you don't have the guts to do it yourself call a private eye and have him do it. I don't mean to be mean but Lady you are talking about your life here. Are you going to take a back seat as to what goes on with your family. I know if it was my husband I would damn well get to the bottom of it and I wouldn't have waited 4 months to do it. By the way if I was you I would be checking out your bank accounts and making sure that money is not missing. Just a suggestion.

Answer 3

Wow! What a rough, painful and difficult place to be. You're talking about the ppl closest to you. I'm not sure I have any kind of definitive answer, but I send you light, love and peace as best I can. You say you have talked to your husband. Did you do it with accusation, or pick it apart and ask question by question slowly getting answers. Like first ask why he doesn't want sex. It could be many different reasons. Then ask him if he has some kind of problem with you or the relationship. What I'm saying is to ask questions without accusing. It may be the best way to set your mind at ease, or find out you're in big trouble. If he won't go to a therapist, perhaps you should go alone. Is it possible there is a problem that only he and your friend know about and they are protecting you? I know that's a wild one. All I'm trying to say is that it is possible you are reading the signals wrong, or you are right. Which ever, it sounds like you need resolution to the quandary you find yourself in. Ask questions..fine, but don't accuse or judge. You may just get the answers, but they may hurt. I don't think the pain of knowing is as bad as the pain of suspicion though.

Blessed Be, and may you find the peace you need.

Answer 4

My friend, I know that it is not that easy for you to deal with. As the saying goes "It is easier said than done". He is your husband....and you feel that he is cheating behind your back. I suggest that, winning back your husband's attention might do the trick. Do something to yourself ie. beautifying, being sexy.. think of the time when the two of you were lovers. But by all means.. catch his attention.... when he does, try to 'play hard to get' with him, and see how he will react. Don't forget that he is your husband and you have all the right a wife should get !! The friend that you have mentioned is NOT a friend if she is having an affair WITH YOUR HUSBAND - she don't deserve a good treatment from you ! So **** her off too. If he REALLY get annoyed with this plan then you should have the two of them to open up, and be prepared for.. whatever the outcome. If your suspicion comes to reality, then comfort yourself that he is not worth for all your love. You wasted it on him... my... I know it difficult but take it the positive way. Sometime difficulties can make you STRONGER. It is not the end of the world !!

Answer 5

Sometimes the only thing you can go on is your "gut feeling". And alot of times that feeling will be right. But you can't jump and think or say anything until you know for sure. I've been in your shoes. The only thing you can do is find away to catch him in the "act" so to speak. Or you could do what I did. Tell him you already know your friend came clean. In my case it worked because it was true. He was cheating on me. Unless you know for sure I would use what I did. I took a shot in the dark and was right. Good Luck

Answer 6

Shelley.. don't wait til if slaps you in the face honey. Trust yourself and your instincts. If approaching your husband doesn't work and just causes defensive behavior what do you feel your next step should be?

Marriage counseling is an option that shouldn't be overlooked. Additionally getting rid of the so called friend that is known for "getting around". No one needs to have the extra stress in their lives when your marriage is what needs the time.

A question that comes to mind is are you doing things in your life that make you happy? Something that you like to do or always wanted to do?

Lastly, not having sex is grounds for divorce, really. Best of luck to you.

Answer 7

After 14 years of marriage he stops direct deposit of his pay check? Do you work? Ask him what is up with that? Why the change? Why no sex for 4 months? In most cases no sex with spose for more than a month means they are getting the sex elsewhere. Ask him these questions and then maybe counseling as a couple - or hire a private eye or put up a nanny camera and catch him.

Answer 8

There's a lot of ways to find out, but your gut is most always right.
A gf of mine had this fear and the same results as you, each time.
She took her friend to lunch as was normal hangout stuff. She said she needed to call the hubby. While she pretended to call, tried and tried to use her cell, she said it wouldn't dial so she asked to borrowed her friends phone and dialed him up from it. When he answered 'hey baby'...she had her answer. She is now happilly divorced and he is now cheating on the 'new friend' wife. Funny how that works.

I do hope that you find your answers. I cant even begin to understand the pain that this would cause you and I am so sorry for your heart. And for what it's worth....I hope your gut is wrong and he's just preoccupied with some big project at work or something.

Answer 9

I am sorry. but all the things you mentioned points to yes' the money, no sex, strange acting from him and your friend. it all points to one thing. I do not like to see anyone get hurt. but it does look like something is going on. try a little test to find out for sure. when all three of you are together. your friend, husband, and you. tell them you need to go somewhere and you will be back in about an hour. or best get another friend to call you when they are there, to give you a reason to go.

but put a tape recorder, close by but inside a drawer. or even under the sofa. to record all that they say when you are not around. you may even have to put one in other rooms of the house to make sure. if the tend to go into another room.

I know, it is sneaky. but in that way you will learn the truth.

I Hope I am wrong. but there has to be something wrong. you can tell from the way they act.

Good Luck, I do feel bad for telling you to do this, because I know it will hurt you, to find out. I do not want anyone to be hurt. but too, I do not want anyone to be done the way they are doing, to you either.

Take Care,

Answer 10

I just got a divorce over the same thing. When I was out on tour my ex wife always accussed me of " well if you aint getting it here you must be getting it some where else" well to find out she was cheating with her boss which was a black guy and which I did not approve of but the point is, if you have a gut feeling, go with it, the same gut feeling brought you two together and never doubt your gut. It knows you better than anyone