I cheated on my fiance with my baby's father. I tried to be completley honest with him cause I felt bad about it afterward. I told him what had happened. He is hurt almost beyond repair. But he wants to try to work things out with me. What is the best way for him to forgive and forget and what can I do to help him?
2007-08-13 08:36:13 · 26 answers · asked by Lisa 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The way you frame the question the entire problem is his and for most men that will make you untrustable. YOU not he cheated. You not he created the breach of trust. YOU not he needs to make the effort to work things out. Few people can forget being hurt and he must love you quite a bit to be willing to forgive. Trust needs to be earned, not blindly given. He blindly gave it once and thats the only freebie you get. From now on out you have to be willing to live with the fact that he is JUSTIFIED in not trusting you--for the rest of your life with him--and be willing to do the things necessary to ensure that he knows you to be trustworthy. YOU, not he, needs to acknowledge your responsibility and accept whatever needs to be done for him to feel comfortable with you. That will be hard for you, but it was your error, not his, that has led to his hurt. The fact that he wants to try to work things out tells me that he has already forgiven, only a lifetime of doing the things to earn his trust will permit him to forget.
2007-08-13 08:49:39 · answer #1 · answered by Orv 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cheated on your fiance with your baby's father. Do you know how bad that is? Why would your fiance take you back? How can he ever trust you not to do that again with the baby's father, with the mailman, with the gas station attendant, with the butcher? For pete's sake, what made you do that in the first place? That's what you need to look at. You both need counseling; you for cheating and your fiance for taking you back. Please do not get married any time soon. And as for forgiving, he can do that, but he will never ever forget and chances are he won't let you either.
2007-08-13 08:49:13 · answer #2 · answered by Maggie May 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgive? maybe. Forget? Never. You screwed yourself but good. And for what? You destroyed the trust and love that one man was more than willing to share with you so you could get laid by the father of the kid you bore from this guy? Who obviously isn't husband material or he would have married you. But no....you deserve to lose the fiance. If you haven't already.
Just plan on going back to the old boyfriend who got you pregnant. At least he still knows you're willing to put out.
2007-08-13 08:54:40 · answer #3 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go above and beyond with being honest. If you're going to be 5 minutes late call him. Don't put yourself in a situation that will seem odd to him, like going to a party without him. It will take him along time to move past this. But whenever he gets worried just remind him that you made a mistake in the past. It's over and you will not do it again. Tell him you realize how horrible it was and you would never want to lose him. He shouldn't punish you for it (like bringing it up over and over to hurt you, or trying to do the same thing to you) but he will needs reassurance sometimes that it's in the past. Be sure to never give him a reason to doubt you. Make sure you show him how much you desire him and intimacy with him. Try to get to the point where you stop talking about it and have fun again. Focus on your future and your love. In time he should be able to let go and trust you again.
2007-08-13 08:42:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but I don't think you can forgive and forget, especially when it comes to cheating. I tried to forgive someone and I was misreable. I always worried about it happening again. The trust was gone and I couldn't believe a word he said. Even if he wasn't cheating again, I always thought he was. It's just too damaging to relationships since trust is a basic need in a relationship.
2007-08-13 08:48:44 · answer #5 · answered by faith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is on him to forgive and forget. You have broken the trust and it will take a long time for him to regain it in you. You have to be trust worthy now. You have to be where you say you are and check in, do everything you can to be trusted again. He may forgive you, but he will have a hard time forgetting about it, especially if there is a child as a result of your cheating.
2007-08-13 08:45:17 · answer #6 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is really hard, my husband has never cheated but has done other things to break the trust and it never goes away. You always wonder but the only thing I would say is just always be honest with him, and if he questions you about where you are going or what not let him know. The more open you are with him the sooner you will earn his trust back.
2007-08-13 08:44:18 · answer #7 · answered by xyz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing to do to speed up the process. He needs time. You shouldn't get married now. All you need to do is show him he can trust you. Put all your focus on him. Make your world revolve around him. Let him know he is a priority every second! He may forgive you but he will never forget!
2007-08-13 08:59:19 · answer #8 · answered by Meichelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
relationships are built on trust, that is gone now. So back to square one, time will fix it if he can forgive you and willing to trust you again. To speed this up find even ground to start on, let him cheat one you or offer what most men dream of and bring a friend home. That makes it even and maybe a hole new relationship will come about, you were obviously not completely happy with it the way it was.
2007-08-13 08:45:51 · answer #9 · answered by tony s 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Uhm, it's really hard to forgive and forget when trust has been broken in a big way like that. You should've thought about that before hand. If I were him I would dump you right then and there, you're so lucky he's taking you back.
2007-08-13 08:41:04 · answer #10 · answered by Seung Hee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋