I married a man with two boys, 1 was adhd, bipolar, 1 was bipolar. They caused alot of problems and at times made my now ex-husband choose between them and me. Time has gone by and alot of nasty things were said by me to the boys and visa versa when all this was getting bad. Now i realize that it should of been my husband who took care of it this and stopped it but he put me in the position with them as MOM. Should i call these boys and apologize to them for the times that i wasn't very nice to them? I feel because i was a mother figure that i owe them that. They went through hell all their lives and i thought i could help them but what they needed, i feel, should of came from there dad. So i was the one who decided to leave. P.S. The youngest was 7 and a product of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy caused by the biological mom, and the other was 14 at the time who witnessed all this.
I feel awful.
2007-08-13 08:33:17 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you think it'll make you feel better then you should call.
2007-08-13 08:36:45 · answer #1 · answered by Seung Hee 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's very Personal! If you think, you'll be relieved about the Guilt Associated, then just write to them, You will be relieved about the guilt associated! Otherwise It does not make any difference now! The psychological Trauma which you might have caused unintentionally still may not heal completely even with the Apologies!
2007-08-13 08:45:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I greatly respect people who have a conscience. You, ma'am, are demonstrating that you do have one. You recognize that the way you behaved was wrong in some instances, and you want to make up for your mistakes to the extent you are able to do so. Yes, by all means, apologize.
Please be prepared to accept, however, that your apology might neither be listened to nor accepted. In other words, apologize with the goal of coming to the point where you can forgive yourself. Even if you don't receive forgiveness from the step-children, you'll feel better if you do forgive yourself.
2007-08-13 08:42:08 · answer #3 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should. Just bc you and their dad had problems and it was actually your ex's fault for putting them in the middle, they should not have to be punished for your and his mistakes. The children are innocent in this and were only doing as they were encouraged to do by their father. It isnt really their fault and you know this as well. With their needs considered along with it, it is actually sad that their dad isnt taking care of his responsibilities. You were their mom for this time and you should let them know how you really feel about them and explain it to them so they will understand. Just do not say anything bad about their father that will have them confused, but they are old enough to understand if you tell them.
2007-08-13 08:41:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would call, There was a lot going on then, and time has passed now. So give it a shot, what could go wrong? you get your feelings hurt again? big deal. it's sound's like those kids had been through alot back then, and they probably could use a female figure in thier lives, even if it's only through the phone.
2007-08-13 08:42:29 · answer #5 · answered by diablo 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
u stepped in to the postition as a mother when u were married just like if u had kids how u would treat them and take care of them u should have worked together as a team i have a bipolar son and life can be a living hell he 14 so i know it hard. even as adults we still have to say sorry ehen were wrong i have had to plenty..
2007-08-13 08:39:17 · answer #6 · answered by Alica 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you were a part of those kids everyday life when you were married, then why not still be in their lives. The kids have nothing to do with the divorce. They are innocent, so I think that you should still have contact and communication with the step kids. They love you whether you see it or not!
2007-08-13 08:37:34 · answer #7 · answered by Christina 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Move on its not your fault but if you feel the need just call and set up a meeting of a sort though the animosity will cause problems
2007-08-13 08:38:24 · answer #8 · answered by aleka 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think if you fell you need to talk to the boys go ahead. Just because you are not married to there father i feel you should still be a part of their lives.
2007-08-13 08:46:16 · answer #9 · answered by panda44857 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's obviously on you mind and in your heart to apologize so it is the right thing to do. Just don't do it expecting to get a better relationship with them out of it. Just closure for you and hopefully for them also.
2007-08-13 08:47:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Definately keep in contact.. but not too close.. Maybe keep in touch through Facebook.com. You don't want to hurt your ex by being to close. Just say hi from time to time and always remind the children that they are more than welcome to call or come and visit you anytime for anything and that you would love to see them and hear from them. :)
2007-08-13 08:40:03 · answer #11 · answered by Jess 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋