New poem, "Losing You", what do you think?

Question

I was thinking of a girl who I had become attached to, and she didn't feel the same way. I just wonder if she ever thinks about the stuff we used to do together. The poem is too big to fit in here, so pleas take the time to check it out at

http://nick.klim.googlepages.com/losingyou

If you want to read some more, I wrote anthother one, check it out here. I think it's a bit better.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070813060728AA6mbiv&pa=FYd1D2bwHTHwLL1mFeo_RUKgfD0_CYMLhUz.OqM7AIz5Ag--&paid=asked&msgr_status=

Answer 1

You settle into a rhythm and pattern later on in the poem, but the poem should start out that way. Also, there are lines that beg to be consolidated, which would also help speed up your poem...not rush it, just move it along a bit more smoothly. All in all it has a nice comfortable, nostalgic feel, but it could improve with editing.

keep writing

Answer 2

i love poetry, especially heart felt stuff like that...i read them both and their really beautiful.. you put your words together excellent...i love writing stuff like that too...where do you put your poetry? i'd read more and am also intrested somewhere i can write my own.

well done and keep up the good work :0)

Answer 3

i like it