My husband and I have been married for 5 and a half years and we still do not have our own place. He owns an assited living facility and we currently live in it ( we have an apartment which is a part of the assisted living facility for old folks). I am 26, very attractive, , this is my first marriage and I would like to have my own place and start a family. He is 42 and has 3 kids from previous marriage, so I guess he doesn't really care . I've been miserable for 5 years, I can not stand living here, I can hear our residents flush their toilet, talk etc. when I am in my bedroom. We also live in the country and I am not used to live in the country, I am from a huge city. I told my husband so many times that I wanted to move but he always says : "sure, let's do it, just wait a little " or just makes up an excuse.
What should I do, should I leave him? I think he would do something about this situation if he loved me....
2007-08-13 07:11:03 · 10 answers · asked by Sandy K 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I knew where he lived before we got married, but he promised me that that would change, he swore he would buy a house for us. He is paying his ex-wife's mortgage and we live in the old folks' home, is that fair? I stood by him for years and put up with his crap and crap from his kids, don't I deserve to have my own place?
I told him that I am not going to live at this place any longer , we need to buy a house or I am moving out and he threatens to kill me and himself if I leave him. I do not know what to do!
2007-08-13 07:14:24 · update #1
I am also here absolutly alone, no family or friends, I am from Russia. He's always tried to control me, maybe that's why he married a russian woman, he thought she would be easier to control since she doesn't have a support system.
I have good values, I do not want to divorce him, I love him .
2007-08-13 07:24:47 · update #2
Is this the dealbuster? Then he should know it. And you need to again remind him of his promise. Go house hunting on your own, hon.... "You PROMISED me that we would get a house of our own... and it is pushing, now six years, and it is time to do that... you promised." Then find a house you like and can afford. And then show it to him.... then draw the line.... "We make a bid on this house or I am leaving." Then do it, one way or the other.... you have three choices....
1.stay where you are, and remain resentful.
2.buy the house together, as he promised
3.Leave, and buy your own house, or just leave.
(PS--- and mention to him that the threats are not appreciated, and are inappropriate. Five years is sure enough time to buy a house.... and this is a good time to buy one, too. In the next month national averages are sinking with the bankruptcy of two big mortgage holders.... )
2007-08-13 07:23:41 · answer #1 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave the relationship immediately! If he threatens to kill you because you want to move, that is ridiculous! Maybe there is a reason that he was divorced. Don't waste your life away on this guy. If he promised you 5 years ago that you would move, he should honor that. Obviously financial woes happen that can change plans. Also, he probably needs to still be able to drive to his work. So it may not be feasible to live in the city if you are 2 hours from a major city. Maybe there is at least a city of 50,000 people or so that is nearby his work that you could afford??? I understand not wanting to live in the boonies attached to an assisted living facility. Do you work, where you can help pay for the move? The death threats should be a deal broker though!!!
2007-08-13 07:28:35 · answer #2 · answered by thedude 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, he comments are extreme! Do you fear for your safety, if you do leave immediately.
If you choose to stay, STOP giving ultimatums.
Do you know you guys financial situation? Maybe he knows that you cannot afford another place. If this is not the case I would start looking on my own for a house and present it to him. If he starts giving you grieve about the price, ask him OK then what can we afford?
If he didn't say no, what do you think would happen if you just bought a house on your own for the two of you? But, please cover yourself. You have to hire an attorney for the real estate sale, talk to him about your situation before you do this and listen to the advise given.
This is a tough situation, you have no cause to leave this man. You knew what you were getting into before you married him, and biblical speaking you don't have cause for a divorce. Maybe a separation is what you and him need for the longevity of your marriage.
Some marriage counseling is in order and some private for him because of his comments.
2007-08-13 07:38:35 · answer #3 · answered by Sassy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry that really sucks. I dont blame you at all. Im 28 my husband is 48 and I get tired of hanging out with older people all the time I cant imagine living there too. Youve got to do something before it ruins your marriage. Give him a time frame. And take up a class to get you out of there more often. good luck!
2007-08-13 07:19:02 · answer #4 · answered by James 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him and buy your own place. When he comes crawling to you, tell him he can live there, but he has to sign a contract stating that it is YOUR house and that it will become OUR house when he has stayed there for 5 years and pay all the bills.
2007-08-13 07:20:11 · answer #5 · answered by RedRabbit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hire a real estate agent and if he doesn't go along with you then a divorce lawyer.
2007-08-13 07:21:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh boy...courts probably ordered him to pay his ex's mortgage =(...he says he will kill himself but he won't...he don't know how else to keep you there...=(...well, he is not cheating...so, really you have no excuse to leave...I'd say you better get used to being in the country...and be happy w/ what you have...good luck!
2007-08-13 07:17:35 · answer #7 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is time to move out.
2007-08-13 07:17:59 · answer #8 · answered by 55 and trying 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
time to leave
2007-08-13 07:19:15 · answer #9 · answered by ken401lam 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
poke him with a sharp object.
2007-08-13 07:15:33 · answer #10 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋