Long story short, I'm dating my ex-wife and things have been pretty good since we started dating again, but here's the kick. She's been pregnant with another mans baby, her ex-boyfriends at that. Now that she's had the baby, he's been calling and just chit chatting with her, and she'll even cut me off when I call, and let me know to make it quick because he's on the other line. So enough back story for the moment... What should I do? I care about her, but is it worth dealing with this kind of situation?
2007-08-13 07:06:52 · 11 answers · asked by b b 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just so it's clear, she cheated on and left me all those years ago, cited she was too young (which WE were), But it wasnt with this man. I do love her, and it is fear of losing her which brings me to ask this question, and also fear of putting that it's worth into this relationship.
2007-08-13 07:18:49 · update #1
Well, I would start with this: she is your ex for a reason. What was that reason? Has that problem really been resolved? If not, then I'd get out of this situation before it gets worse. If so, then move on to the next step...
Provided you really have patched things up, then one of two things is going on here. The first possibility is that she still has feelings for this guy. The second possibility is that she doesn't, but he is the father of the child, so he is going to be a part of your life, like it or not. You need to determine which one it is, and there is little anyone here can really do to help.
If you decide that she still has feelings for this guy, and the fact that she cuts you off and the fact that you are proof she has a history of going back to her ex's demonstrates that she may, then you will be best off telling her you don't want to be her backup boyfriend, and dump her and move on with your life. Every minute you are with her you are not out there finding a better woman.
If you really don't think she likes him, then you have to deal with the fact that he is her kid's father and is going to be in the picture, but you are her main man. If you can deal with it and think she is worth it, then do it and move on. Support her, support the kid, and just don't worry about the guy. There is nothing you can do about his fathering that child. If you can't deal with it, then you're back to dumping her and moving on with your life! Your emotions will complicate things, but the truth is that it really is this simple. It really is up to you.
So how do you find out? You sit down and have a nice, long, serious talk about everything you say here. You'll know from her reaction what she feels. Good luck!
2007-08-13 07:16:47 · answer #1 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your ex is playing the field, plain and simple. Although the real father of the baby has a right to visitation and whatnot to his own child, I suspect that there is a little more to it as she will cut you off to speak to him instead of telling him to call back later. Plus she obviously sees something in you that she doesn't want to let go of. Personally I believe that if a couple gets divorced, then there was a reason and should stay separated avoiding the same outcome and yet another waste of time. There is somebody out there more suitable of your time. I would suggest that you move on in order to locate her.
2007-08-13 07:23:18 · answer #2 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she's playing both of you. I'm inclined to think the father of her baby doesn't even know she's been seeing you, so she's trying to keep that charade up to keep him dangling as long as possible. If I were you, I'd tell her she needs to either commit to a relationship with you and tell the ex boyfriend goodbye and only have dealings with him where it concerns their kid together (child support, insurance, visitation, etc), or you're leaving her. You're not being fair to yourself to think she's giving you 100% when she's not.
People can change to save relationships and put them back together, but it takes honest, complete dedication to doing that, and it doesn't sound like she's putting the effort into doing anything on her side.
2007-08-13 07:15:15 · answer #3 · answered by Katasha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree that exes are that for a reason. This is a seriously complicated situation and if you are already feeling somewhat slighted wait till the kid is older and want mom and dad around each other more. I would get out but that would be only be if I couldn't see past the inevitable tough times that will be ahead.
2007-08-13 07:12:21 · answer #4 · answered by indydst8 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to decide how you can work this out. For the next 17-18 years this man is going to be in her life because he is the father of the child. Try talking to her and see what you can work out, let her know how you feel.
2007-08-13 07:15:34 · answer #5 · answered by K K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
here's what I think...did she cheat on your during the marraige w/ this dude? ditch her again if so...if not, then here's the deal...she needs to cut off contact w/ him to just talk before he sees this child and after when he picks up the child and when he brings the child back...no phone calls unless it's an emergency that she has w/ the baby...and that's that! good luck...
2007-08-13 07:13:06 · answer #6 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you want to fix this go to www.LoveAngelGrace.com she can help you i know she can i had a bigger problem and she helped me out good luck i can tell you if it is worth it or not thats up to you if you feel you love this girl and want to keep her around and scared of losing her then do something about it grace can help you
2007-08-13 07:12:28 · answer #7 · answered by Lady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let it go. Her actions alone speak volumes as to what or who is most important to her.
It's time to find something better.
Good luck.
2007-08-13 07:12:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think exes are exes for a reason. Remember, if you always do what you've always done then you will always get what you have always gotten.
2007-08-13 07:10:01 · answer #9 · answered by Rein 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her what she wants and tell her how you feel.
2007-08-13 07:18:17 · answer #10 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋