Discovered boyfriend's old emails to ex-girfriend...?

Question

Against better judgement, I read some of my boyfriend's old emails. What I discovered was that in the beginning of our relationship, about a year ago, he was still telling his ex-girlfriend how much he loved her, while saying the same thing to me. I told him what I did, and what I read. He has not had any contact with her for the year that we have been together, which is reassuring. We're also having a baby due in the winter. And for the most part, we have a healthy loving relationship, and there is so much to be happy about, but after reading those emails, I feel sad. How do you get over it? We're starting a family soon. Am I overreacting by questioning everything based on these old emails???

Answer 1

The past are past. Draw a line to it.
He's now yours.
If possible burn all the emails if being printed or destroy in the PC all he kept.

You shouldn't get annoyed to all these thing. These are the past. After all he's have no more connection to his old girlfriend.

Answer 2

See what snooping leads to? Obviously you have some trust issues with him in the first place, because you felt the need to go through his stuff. You have to live with the knowledge, and he has to live with the fact that you snooped through his stuff because you didn't trust him.

All you can do is try to work past this for the sake of the baby. Once you share flesh and blood it bind you forever, but that doesn't necessarily mean that bond will eventually take the form of marriage. I'd probably wig out if I found emails like that, but just because he felt that way once doesn't mean that's the way he feels now. If you are pregnant, you need to calm down and think about how this stress may negatively effect your baby. You must take care of that little baby above all else. If things are loving and healthy as you way, then move on. If he's a snake, he'll eventually show himself as one, and you can decide what's best at that point.

Answer 3

honestly, i've done the same thing, and it hurt my feelings too. but the past is the past. and its okay to question a few things sometimes but you don't wanna make him think that you're blaming of something that didn't take place or somethig. if you have had a prosperous relationship so far and you're sure that there's no cheating then i say, TRY to leave it alone. think about the good things. you have a healthy baby on the way and you love each other, don't let that stuff get in the way of all the things that are so "LOVELY" now. you're not overreacting. you're just securing your relationship. there's absoluting nothing wrong with the way you feel. if you trust and believe your partner and that he's telling you the truth about everything, just push that situation to the side. don't let it mutilate your relationship.

Answer 4

Yes, you're over-reacting, and opening a huge can of worms. Life is not black-and-white, it is possible that he was still attached to her in some way at the time the two of you started dating - but things change; new priorities take place of the old. Unless you feel something is going on right now that you need to know about, leave the past in the past. I'm sure you have a few skeletons in the closet, too. Good luck.

Answer 5

definite i might curiously your spouse has under no circumstances gotten over this guy and is maximum in all probability thinking an affair with him he's likewise under no circumstances gotten over her the sentiments are mutual right here and meaning hardship. you may desire to confront her approximately this digital mail and ask her what she is doing speaking to an previous flame?. She is disrespecting you and probably breaking the vows of marriage. it is erroneous if the tables have been grew to become I doubt she could be happy with you digital mail an previous lady buddy. resolve this if she is unhappy interior the marriage then you fairly choose some counselling and time to make your innovations up suggestions on a thank you to restoration this. Her not telling you her ex. BF lives in this new city is fairly suspicious?. i could be pissed if I had chanced in this preparation out. She is being very secretive and that's one ingredient you're actually not assume to have in marriage is secret's. God Bless and suitable needs.

Answer 6

The bigger question isn't the emails, it's why you felt the need to look through an entire year's worth of them? Whatever caused you to do that is probably the bigger problem.

One thing to keep in mind though: The fact that this old email (or emails) were still sitting in his email account - with no new ones since - probably means that he hasn't so much as given them another thought since. If he were still involved - there would likely be other, newer ones, or he would've hidden the old ones.

Devil's Advocate: If he were able to see every email you've written in the last year (in your account or deleted), would he trust you completely?

Answer 7

you should know that nothing good EVER comes out of snooping! i'm not sure what you were looking for by reading the emails, but now you started something that could destroy your relationship if you don't let it go. it was in the past, so keep it there. besides, if he loved his ex girlfriend, it will have taken some time to get over her. feeling can't be shut off like a faucet. if he hasn't given you a reason to be suspicious, then you need to apologize and move on! & don't snoop anymore!!!!

Answer 8

I have been in a situation similar to this one. I had an ex who would stay in contact with friends through email and I had access to his email account. When things were rocky in our relationship I decided I had enough and left, well I was curious what sort of things he discussed with this person when I was not looking, to find that she was giving him advice about our relationship which was none of her business. that really irritated me, as much as I felt like I had the right to know what was going on, I at the same time regretted going through his email. I ended the relationship because it was something happening too much... Sometimes you have to try and trust a person to come clean on their own time, otherwise in your situation you will have doubt. Hopefully it will get better for you...

Answer 9

lets face it - we all have pasts. our lives weave in and out of other people's lives. we can not forget about the people we encounter along our journey.

if life is good and he has been a stand-up guy to you for the past year then I'm not sure why you would want to read OLD e-mails.

sounds like at the start of your relationship he wasn't sure what he wanted and yes - probably shouldn't have dated you until he figured things out. but from your post it sounds like he's figured that out.

i think if he thought you aren't currently #1 in his book then his actions would show it. there is no way to forget what you have read unless you are confident in your relationship with him. you might just have some anxiety with the baby on the way. take a step back before you decide anything.

Answer 10

First of all, I can tell you from experience: never dig through your boyfriend's personal things (e-mails, letters, photos, text messages, etc.) unless you're willing to find things out that you don't want to know.

Second, it is normal to have trouble separating from an old relationship. the fact that he told her he loved her for a while after they broke up is actually fairly normal. Unfortunately, love doesn't go away just because you break up. That takes time. The fact that there were no recent ones shows that he is devoted and faithful to you. YOU SHOULD BE THANKFUL FOR THAT. Many girls don't have it.

He probably feels very betrayed by what you did, and you need to apologize. He had nothing to hide, but his privacy was violated.

Ex-girlfriends are hard to deal with but you need to accept that he does have them and that he may have truly been in love with some of them. However, also remind yourself that there is a reason why he isn't with them anymore. There was obviously something wrong with the relationship and there is obviously a reason he chose to be with you instead. You should feel good that even though he still had feelings for his ex, he chose you. He seems like a very good and loyal boyfriend. Don't drive him away with jealousy.

Answer 11

No, you are not overreacting. Unfortunately, the past is often the best indicator of the future when it comes to relationships. He owes you an explanation. When you have that and feel that you can trust him, THEN you will be able to get over it. I suggest trying couple's counseling before you consider having a family with this guy. You need to know where you stand now, and not when you're trying to raise a kid. Odds are it was just one of those things and you'll both be fine and will move on, but professional help will assure you that this is the case and you are not setting yourself and you child up for heartbreak. Good luck!