Am i rushing to get married??

Question

okay heres the deal my bf and i have been together for about 4 1/2 years were both only 20 have our own apt even got a dog together when we were in high school. We both know that we are goin to marry each other in the future. I ask him when he says that hes not finacially ready..i mean why would that be such a big deal? i met him broke..we both have money now so?? But im not rushing him. When do you guys think is a good time for marrage for us?

Answer 1

Finances are one of the biggest things young couples fight about. Im 23 and my wife and I got married when we werent financially ready. We are doing well enough that its not terrible but in hindsight, it wouldnt have hurt to have waited.


What you should be considering is the statement you made "We both know that we are going to marry each other anyways". Thats what you need to focus on, what is marriage? Work on building a life and becoming financially ready, among other things. If you know your going to get married anyways then there is no need to worry about it, or rush it. Plus if you wait till your more financially stable you will be able to have a bigger, better wedding. Getting married is exciting, but it wont hurt you to wait. Its not wrong to want it, but there are no disadvantages to waiting. If you love each other, which Im sure you do, then wether or not you have the title of husband and wife (while its nice) shouldnt matter. Give it time, it sounds like youll be married eventually, no need to hurry things along. Good luck!

Answer 2

Thats great.

But I would NOT marry until you are financially able to.

Statistically speaking I believe the best time to get married is around 25-35. The reasoning behind this is because people will be more financially stable and more open to the idea of living with others. Before the age of 25, people dont really know what drawer they want to keep socks on, what kind of car they want to drive, what they really want to do with their life, etc. (you may think you know but you don't. for example, im sure you have a different view on life now than when you were 14/15). Anything older than 35, you already have your life set up the way you want it. Your socks go in THAT drawer. Its tough to adapt to someone else coming into your life saying the socks should go into THAT drawer instead.

But who says you have to marry ASAP? You can be engaged (being fiancees is a step above bf/gf and below hubby/wife) for years and years and years. Then, when the time is right.. and when you can afford the wedding and stuff, then I would make the commitment.

Me and my girlfriend (21 and 22) are on the brink of going seperate ways in our careers. I'm going to work full time god knows where and she is going to med school. However, we are going to get engaged and then probably marry somewhere around the age of 28-30. That is 7-9 years of engagement/commitment. Our rings will prove our trust and endure the time seperated.

SOOO yeah.. my recommendation is to stay fiancees and wait until the time is right.... its a commitment, but without the obligation of marriage and whatnot.

The only problem is that if you live together in the same place for 5 years I think? Maybe its more.. I forget... but you automatically become married by law.

Answer 3

I got married at 20 and I have no regrets, so no I don't think you are too young...but the think is your man has to be ready to get married. Marrige is huge responsibility and guys get really scared. People think that marrige is similar to living together or being engaged but it isn't. I live on the military base and I have a lot of friends that got married at 18,19, 20, 21 and they been together for 5 -7 years and before the marrige everything went great but once they exchange vows everything went down the hill and now few of my friend are thinking about get a devorce("easy way out") when they were married less then a year. I think you should give him a little more time and I am sure when he is ready you guys will make a great husband and wife.
Natasha:)

Answer 4

When both of you are ready, not just one of you. In any case, you have been living together and it seems to work for him but not you. You need that extra security that a marriage offers. You cannot claim that you are traditional since you have been living under the same roof without the legal stamp.
You might want to figure out if your boyfriend is still thinking along the same lines and is not just happy to let things be as they are. Does he still feel the same? At one point there is no avoiding "The Talk" which will help you to determine some sorts of time frame with regards to the future.
And by the way, the fact that you have a dog together means nothing, really. People with kids and/or properties together never get hitched or get horribly divorced. Your partner needs to get on the same page with you so you can make concrete plans for your future together, unless that is not where he sees himself down the line.

Answer 5

The best part you wrote about your relationship was "we both know that we are going to marry each other in the future". Excellent! So you're really in love and because of that, this will all happen naturally. What's the rush. Just sit back now and enjoy life with each other.

If either partner has any hesitation, no matter what it is, then DO NOT get married, because it will definitely come back to haunt you in your future. If he's not ready because he's worried about finances, that's great that he would even take that into consideration. Respect him for that.

If you get married to a man that made his own decision to get down on his knee and propose, because he wants to marry you as much as you want to marry him, then you will have the best marriage and the best life.

If you told him to do those things, you will eventually get a divorce. It happens every time.

Answer 6

Well, marriage is a huge deal. I wait until you have finished college or when you have jobs that are financially secure. I know a lot of people say 20 is young, but you may be ready. He, on the other hand, may not be ready yet. If you rush marriage before he is ready, it could have disaterous results. Be patient, he has already committed to living with you and sharing the responsibility of a pet. Leave it alone for now and let things work out for themselves. You will both be happier for it. I wish you the best of luck and just know that he may not be ready until his mid twenties. As long as he still shows you that he loves you, don't worry.

Answer 7

Both parties have to be ready for marriage in order for a successful marriage to take place. There is no specified time-line for marriage but you have to give him time. Even though both of you may have money, he still may feel the need to save more money before getting married. Weddings are expensive and the cost of living is expensive. You need to have a very big savings in order to have a comfortable life these days. He is probably most concerned with giving you the most comfortable life he can. There is nothing wrong with getting your finances together before marriage. If you feel that he is just making that up just to get you off his back about marriage, then you really need to talk to him about it to make sure the both of you are on the same page. Best wishes!

Answer 8

Are you able to have money left over after any type of a wedding celebration that you may plan? Do you have much debt? Are you in school, do you have student loans to pay on after the marriage begins? He may have these questions...my advice sit down and take down a list of these things. Then take down a list of how you feel about your financial picture together, then write his idea down. Also, have you discussed your living arrangements? If you do/don't want children, if so how many? Will you or he be the main breadwinner? There are so many things to talk over. But, being together 4 1/2 years, helps. You are young, but sometimes people do find their one true love at a young age. Just take your time and go over everything I have listed above. Good luck!

Answer 9

When you guys are both ready. 20 is still very young! My wife was your age and had her high school boyfriend that long as well. Then they broke up, then she dated a guy for 2 years, another guy for a year, and we have been together 4 years now...she is age 28. I know everything seems great, but not all high school sweetharts should get married at age 20. Don't pressure him either; you'll want to know that he wants to marry you when he asks, and not that he is just trying to make you happy. Good luck!

Answer 10

Finances are one of the biggest marriage killers. Make sure you have your finances right before you think about marriage. Get some of your loans paid off. And start saving for that wedding now because your parents won't be able to pay for all of it.

Have you lived together before? Or have you lived with other people besides your parents? This may be a good thing to do before getting engaged because then it makes sure that you can live in harmony. Being around each other so much can either make or break the relationship. You have to know what you're getting into.

Here's how you know when you're ready to get married: If you can't live without him, then you're not ready. If you can live without him but choose to be together, then you're ready for marriage. But you both have to feel that way before you're ready.

My boy tells me "the more you pester me about getting married, the longer you're going to wait for that engagement ring."