pity
The wind blows down on hallowed ground,
Wiping clean all I remember.
The sadness I feel crush my heart,
All thats left just ash and cinder.
How many times will I look back,
Upon the waste I call my youth.
Twisted and broken, yet still I peek,
At the life I knew, black as sin.
Pity I don't need, some, they think I do,
I just need to be understood.
Take back my life from his dark grip,
All I need is just time to heal.
Don't doubt the love I shower down,
On my gorgeous San Juan angel.
She the one who returns my love,
And never once doubts my intentions.
2007-08-13 06:06:18 · 3 answers · asked by The Dark Prince 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
I think u should change that line....
"I do not need pity, nor their sympathy,
whilst they think they understand,
Take back my life from his dark grip,
All I need is time to stop and heal"
just a suggestion
2007-08-13 06:14:56 · answer #1 · answered by lynxmcromance 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't know DP...it's a little weak...some good lines, but they're unfocused most of the time...needs something...there are images, but they are disconnected and I'm not with you when you finish. Not sure where you were going with this, so it's difficult to help you get there...I sense something, but it's too nebulous right now. Ruminate on it...rewrite it...post it again...I sense it has potential...perhaps.
2007-08-14 17:19:30 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
love it! great job!
2007-08-13 06:17:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋