My husband and i have been married for less than a year, we have a 6 month old, and our sex life just isnt the same. The thing about it is, im the one who isnt that sexually motivated anymore. I mean im young and before my son got here my husband and i were always going at it...but now its like i just dnt want him to touch me, i can tell he gets frustrated with me because i dnt want to have sex all the time but i cant help it...how many wives have experienced this after child birth...does it go away??? ***Husbands feel free to comment as well***
2007-08-13 05:44:37 · 24 answers · asked by CoCoBrown 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think that you need to speak to your obgyn, alot of women have an abnormal level of hormones and they can help level them so you can be interested... you are also tired, take your son to the grandparents house for a couple of hours, and come home and spend alone time together,
2007-08-13 05:48:35 · answer #1 · answered by mama 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You may be experiencing post partum depression. That'll kill energy and sex drive and a lot of the fun in life. Talk to your doctor and get on an antidepressant with no sexual side effects. I have found that Wellbutrin does very well but it takes a few weeks to be effective while the levels build up in your body.
Another issue is fatigue. If the baby is a lot of work (and most are) and he's not helping, you're tired all the time and fatigue is the big killer of libido in women. If this is the case, let him help and is he doesn't want to, explain the relationship between helping and nookie. He'll help. However, remember what John Gray said in Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus: the most important thing in the world to a man is to be appreciated. So when he does help, make sure you let him know how much you appreciate it, even if it's just what he should be doing anyway. We men and our egos need some nurturing.
Another common cause of libido loss is the presence of the baby. If that's the case, I'd strongly suggest installing a solid core door and lock on your bedroom. Even if you're renting, a solid core door will virtually soundproof the room and you two can get back to doing all those delightful things to each other.
Good luck!!
2007-08-13 05:55:50 · answer #2 · answered by Net Rider 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's different for everyone, of course. But, it's not unusual for women to be less interested in sex after the birth of a child. It's probably a combination of fatigue (!) and hormonal changes. You should visit your doctor to make sure there isn't anything more serious involved.
Also, I think the advice to spend some time away from the baby, to get rested and to get back in touch with your husband, is a good idea. If grandparents or someone you trust will keep the baby all day one Saturday or over night, why not give it a try. Good luck.
2007-08-13 05:55:03 · answer #3 · answered by fdm215 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I actually wanted it all the time after I gave birth, but I think I might kind of understand what you are talking about.
It's very emotionally draining to take care of a baby... especially a newborn. If you are nursing then you are particularly tied physically and emotionally to the baby. There comes a point where you just don't feel like you have anything left of you to give.
Maybe you need a night out with your husband without the baby. You need to try to put more effort into your relationship or else it is going to start disintegrating. If that doesn't seem to help maybe you should see a professional to look into the possibility of post partum depression.
2007-08-13 05:53:45 · answer #4 · answered by meglet628 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This happens to most women. I never changed back. But many do after their hormones get regulated again. Right now, your hormones are still off track and along with the stress of a new baby, it affects your sex life. It will likely change with time. Just explain to him what is going on and hopefully he will support you through it. Also, try getting out for a while. Get a sitter and have a night with just the two of you. Go stay at a hotel or something to change things up a bit.
2007-08-13 05:50:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It happens. Sometimes you just aren't turned on and that is not a bad thing. Sometimes I myself being a guy am not turned on. It is not that you don't love your husband or anything you just aren't feeling sexually aroused all the time anymore. It is about sacrifices when it comes to marriage. You don't have to do it "all" the time, but sometimes and I mean sometimes make yourself do it for your husbands sake. He has needs too. He had to wait a long time until he could touch you again because of the kid. 2 times a week is a fine number to shoot for. Sometimes you won't be into it, but other times you will. It is human nature. As long as you still love him that is fine.
2007-08-13 05:53:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I don't have any figures, but I would say, from talking to guys, that it's pretty common. I am sure there are women who are still into sex after they've been married for years, but I would say that the percentage of women like that is much smaller than the percentage in your situation, or at least that the percentage of women who want sex is much lower than the percentage of husbands who want sex. I have not heard to many guys complaining because their wife keeps nagging them to have sex, whereas that is a real cliche for women.
2007-08-13 05:52:14 · answer #7 · answered by William D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very common.....a great book to read is Vicky Iovine's "The Girlfriend's Guide to Getting your Groove Back". Not only is it an easy to read, funny book, but it has some great advice for this very thing. Very common with infants, and sometimes you just have to MAKE yourself do it for the sake of your marriage....besides, the truth is once you are in the middle of doing it, don't you usually enjoy yourself? Good Luck, been there done that!
2007-08-13 06:20:08 · answer #8 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very common for one (or both) parents of a newborn to experience a drop their sex-drive. This could be due to fatigue...post partum depression... or any other number of factors.
This is something you need to discuss with your husband, first off... then seek help. Talk to your doctor (who may refer you to a counselor) and see if this is a hormonal thing or if your reasons are psychological.
It may go away on its own - but do you really want to risk that? (And is it fair to your husband to just continue to deny / frustrate him until you feel you've "gotten over it" without seeking help?)
2007-08-13 05:53:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not unusual because being the mom of a baby is tiring. Would it help if he took care of the baby for a weekend day so you could have fun and relax and come home in a better mood? Examine how much the issue of fatigue is for you in this.
He does need to be patient as your mommy routine takes its toll and as you adjust to it.
2007-08-13 05:50:16 · answer #10 · answered by Bob T 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋